User:Emmzee/Peepers

“I did not fucking write that song.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Peepers

“Where did you get those Peepers?”

~ Quentin Tarantino on Peepers

“I pity tha fool that messes with Peepers! Talkin' bout...bad for the kids! Don't play me for no jibba-jabba foo!”

~ Mr. T on Peepers

Peepers is a complex mathematical formula that can be written like this (P is Peepers) $P=8logx+19T^{2}-94A^{-}13*94B$ Therefore, Peepers is very complicated. There is even a song written by famous asshole Oscar Wilde about Peepers, however, Oscar got it wrong.

Jeepers creepers
Where'd you get those Peepers

--Peepers, by Oscar Wilde

THIS SONG IS WRONG!

Never ask where people get Peepers. It is a sin against cheese. YOU MUST REMEMBER!!! NEVER talk about Peepers, or you are committing yourself to Hell. Just by me making a page about it, I am screwing myself and Uncyclopedia over. If you read this, which you already have, that makes you a grade-tomato retard. Oh, save me master Apples! Only you can forgive me! But I digress. Or not. I'm really too fucked up on shrooms to notice. Maybe. Oh noes, there I go, digressing again! Onwards, to insanity!

The Origin of Peepers

It is believed that Peepers was created by genius Darth Vader in 19 BC. He was snorting some cocaine off hookers when he had an idea! "Ureka!" he said. "It makes so much sense now! Nobody knows where I got those Peepers!" Or something like that. Anyways, he tried to get a patent on it but was turned down. It was those fucking kangaroos. Stupid pricks, think they can do anything they want. But Vader showed them. He blasted their asses with his pimp cane. Shows those fucking kangaroos to put their money where their mouth is. Or something like that.

What Peepers Does

Sometimes, Peepers will make cool sound effects, like:

• WEOOOOOOOOPSHEEEEEW-WABLAM!!!!!
• KRAKOW-YOWWJA-EXPLOSION NOISE!!!!!
• JEWSPLOSION!!!!

Other times, Peepers will cause the space-time-golden, flaky crust continuum to explode into a million buttery pieces, which will rip all of the breast implants off of women and combine them to create a super breast, capable of creating massive explosions and ultimately ending life as we know it, and starting life as we don't know it. It is also known to cause Nipple Enlargement Syndrome, although this is only in very rare circumstances.

What to do after reading this article

1. Take a chemical shower.
2. Sever and boil your own penis.
3. Run around screaming, "OH FUCK ME WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE AUGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" until you either vomit uncontrollably or until your penis grows back.
4. Shoot a hooker in the face, then rape the dead body. With your teeth. Get in there! Aww yeah, work it baby. Mmmmmmmmmm...
5. Beat up a Canadian. Or The Pope.
6. Read it again.
7. Get fucked up the ass by a burly prison inmate. Twice. Hard. And videotape it and put that shit on the Internets.

By doing these things, you shall be cleansed and the great master of Apples will throw a 2+ saving throw for you. If you don't pass the saving roll, that means you lose The Game, and you will scream, "OH FUCK ME WHAT DID I DO WRONG!!!!", rip out all of your hair, and slam your head against the pavement until you die. Then you will go to Hell. Shows you right. I bet you were a fucking Communist. Bitch.

Not to be confused with

• Eyes.
• Chicks.
• Jesus.
• Disco Jesus.
• Baby Jesus.
• Preteen slut
• Columbine.
• Applesauce.
• Felonies.
• The Leaning Tower of Pizza.
• Your Mom.
• That stupid movie. You know which one I'm talking about.