User:AlmightyGameDude
Almighty Game Dude (AGD)/Almighty Game Guy (AGG) is my name and this is my story.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Al “Game Guy” Potente was born on June 15th, 1451, in Harlem, upstate Chicago, during the most troubled times in the world: The Afghanistan war.
Afghanistan War[edit | edit source]
9/11 ▪ 9/11 (video game) ▪ 9/11 according to a 5 year old ▪ 9-11: The Movie ▪ 9-Eleven ▪ Building 7 ▪ HowTo:Exploit 9/11 ▪ Jaws did WTC ▪ My big 9-11 whoopsie ▪ My sojourn to the Twin Towers ▪ September 11 attacks ▪ The 9/11 Commission Report ▪ Twin Towers ▪ The Pet Goat ▪ World Trade Center
UnNews:911 conspiracies explained by a sandwich ▪ UnNews:9/11 reminiscent of that other time when stuff happened ▪ UnNews:New 9/11 video inspires advertisers ▪ UnNews:Man forgets 9-11 ▪ UnNews:Was 9/11 an outside job? ▪ UnNews:World Trade Center attacks still the worst thing ever ▪ UnNews:World Trade Center found in government warehouse
From what my father told me, the Arabic pricks thought it would be funny to play a prank on America. On September 11th, 1450, The Arabians crashed a plane into the National Drug Empire, the largest “legal” drug building in America. America responded negatively and George Wanker Bush, the 43rd president of the United States of America, wrote his pen pal, Obama bin Laden, a discouraging message that broke their B.F.F. friendship bro-mance relationship. Obama responded negatively to the message and declared Jihad on the west coast and killed Eazy-E. The war had started.
12 years later, I was of legal age, 13, to join the American Navy . However, I had joined the navy which meant he had to train myself. I taught himself Chinese martial arts by watching Kung Fu Panda and learned how to shoot, drive a tank and pimp by playing Grand Theft Auto IV: The Complete Edition for 10 hours each day while drinking whiskey with my cousin, Tupac Shakur, all at the age of 13. In retaliation for the death of Eazy-E, me and the navy tried to assassinate the notorious Saddem Husse but we accidently murdered the notorious Biggie Smalls. At that time, we did not know who would win the war. Whoever wins, the children lose. And who cares? I hate kids. I wanted to watch The Passion of Christ in peace, not have a bunch of idiotic kids crying.
The American Navy had found Obama bin Laden after 9 years in hiding. It was Obama’s birthday and he was celebrating at the Arabic Chuck E. Cheese’s, where a kid can be a kid and grownups could be perverts. Me, Tupac and the navy stormed in and raided the place, arresting all the children and keeping all the whores that Obama had bought. The navy was having a hard time finding Obama but then all of a sudden, Obama appeared but he was not normal. Obama had really been living a secret life as Chuck E. Cheese, the owner of the CBS Network! Obama/Chuck was quickly put down by me and because of my great deeds to my country, Bush awarded him with a Black Heart and gave him the nickname, Almighty Game Guy, after Obama’s gang, Al-Mighty. The war lasted 9 years and 339 days and America won (with countless fails) but because of the destruction from the war, many countries were left poor, including America, starting the Great Depression.
The war ended and we won but many nations were left poor. Money is important in this world because without this, nations would go poor. The United States of America loans money to them sometimes but I don’t think they know how to use it because they are still poor. I think they try to eat the money because there spoiled by missionaries who give them food instead of teaching them how to get money. I think that’s what they mean by “nickels a day can feed a child.” I thought, “How could food be so cheap over there?” It’s not. They just eat the nickels.
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (whatever the fuck that means)[edit | edit source]
On July 27th, 1492, George Wanker Bush had been receiving messages from his new pen pal, [Rudolf Hitler], that there were plenty of riches and valuable items on the Mushroom Kingdom that America could sell to help rid of poverty. George W. Bush had agreed and sent the best soldiers George could think of: Tupac, Christopher Columbus and me. On August 3rd, 1492, me, Tupac, Christopher Columbus and 92 other men set sail to the Mushroom Kingdom on three ships: Santa Maria, Santa Claus and Pinto. Me and the crew had the latest ship technology, and could now use the wind to sail and not rely of slaves. The voyage was going great until the ship went over the Bermuda Illuminati Triangle where a fierce storm suddenly stranded our entire ships on the Mushroom Kingdom, killing all the other 92 men and we had no way to get back, no identification and no items to trade. Christopher Columbus died the first 10 minutes, so we had to proceed without him. They finally found signs of civilization but the people were uncivilized and stupid. Me and Tupac were immediately arrested for having no identification and for laughing without a permit. I was taken away by horse riding monkeys and Tupac... he got butt-fucked. To be continued somewhere else on Uncyclopedia!
Indian Revolution[edit | edit source]
The Indians then arrived in 1830. My cousin tells me the Indians ran all the casinos and had a power level of at least 10,000. Then, Andrew Jackson, made the Indian Removal Act on May 28, 1830, because the Indians were abusing their power. They picked lots of fights with the Americans and murdered Americas best friend (not Mexico). The Americans got pissed and formed the United States of America and forced the Indians on a Trail of Tears. There are still Indians but now America can beat them in one punch. In conclusion, the USA rules and everyone else drools. That’s why I don’t let other nations or girls in my secret clubhouse.
World War II[edit | edit source]
But when I was gone fighting the Indians in 1932, the Japanese secretly attacked Harlem in Chicago and killed my parents instantly. World War II had then started. World War II was a bloody battle that had somehow left out World War I. I remember once I had to sneak into the Japanese compound where the president was. As I was ready to kill him, Hitler appeared behind me. Oh, bloody it was. The Japanese president got away but I defeated Hitler. As I was ready to kill him I asked, “Why did you do it? Why did you send the Japanese to bomb the Harlem?” He responded with, “My first instinct at the time was to just let Japan fight the Americans without our help. But then I remembered the monumental ass-whooping that Jesse Owens gave us at the 1936 Olympics. That's what really got me 'fired up'. In retrospect, we should have just kept the United States out of the fight.” I slit his ugly weenis (skin between index finger and thumb) open and finished him with a Mortal Combat Fatality.
Aftermath[edit | edit source]
When the war was over, I started working for a mafia owned Cab Company. One day, Henry was all like, “Yo, my nigga for real, you wanna start some shizzit with me and my niggas at the JFK Airport?” and I was like, “HELL YEAH, my nigga for sure. I take I bullet for you my nigga!” That day We participated in one of the largest cash robbery ever committed on American soil, the Lufthansa heist. I became rich and so famous they made a movie about me, Goodniggas.
Games[edit | edit source]
I do live up to my name. You might catch me on Minecraft, GTA IV Online, Black Ops ZOMBIES, Stick Arena Ballistick, Brotherhood of Battle, ourWorld, Dead Island & more. However, I am not a MLG. If you don’t know what that is click here.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Almighty Game Guy (me).