Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Why?:Won't that damn CD player play my vinyls?
Why?:Won't that damn CD player play my vinyls?[edit source]
Well, I did the prose as per orian's review (see the article's talk page). Looking for a third opinion here to see if it improved any after the clean-up. In-depth review appreciated. Thanks in advance, pee's really working right now (must be my absence!) ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 20/05 16:53
- I'll do the review, if you don't mind waiting a few days or so. Is that cool with you Hv? - [15:56 2 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
Woah, back off there, 'cause it's YesTimeToPee...for YTTE, not you. Sorry, you'll just have to go find somewhere else to empty your bladder, or you can choose to wet yourself. I got this spot, biatch.
Humour: | 8 | First Opening Paragraph: The tone of the opening paragraph immediately sets up your expectations for the punchline of the article. It's good though and well written. There's quite a bit to smile and smirk about here. It's a very strong opening, if a bit not-to-the-point. Considering the sort of person who's perspective this is meant to be from, then maybe this slow amble towards the topic at hand is fine. I've heard a few comments on this saying that it's "a bit slow to start with". As long as you can pack the lulz in on the way, I'm fine with that. Second Opening Paragraph: "I have those awfully good 50's jazz pieces that I just bought off eBay for a million pounds each " - this makes you smile, but could be slightly subtler. One million pounds each? It just sounds a bit, er, blunt... Maybe make it a bit more of a precise price? If you want to take it in this way you could have the person giving the price in pounds, shillings and pence (and all the randomly named things in-between)? I'm not sure if that's a direction you want the main character in this to head in, but it's just a thought. "Come on, I want to listen to these classics! Stupid machine. I know I wanted some jamming, but not this kind of jamming! " The sheer appalling-factor of this jokes makes it quite amusing and something to smile at, as you're nicely presented with the topic of the article and a sense of anticipation grows within you. I have a feeling this should be a good and enjoyable article. Let's see if it can live up to that! |
Concept: | 8 | This is quite a good concept here. I'm not sure how many (if any) article Uncyclopedia has got about technophobes (what with my just-left-noobety thing), but this certainly is a good topic for humour. I like what you've done here, and (naturally) the extremes you've taken it too. I think, concept-wise, you could have expanded on the actual difficulties in working the CD player (and made the article a little bit longer in the process). Actually, I'm not sure if that's concept wise or not, but yeh... This is an eight here. The idea seems to be quite original but it isn't innovative (which is what I'd give a 9 or even a 10 for). |
Prose and formatting: | 7 | I think this holds the article back a bit. There's quite a few, slightly annoying errors here and there. I mean, it's nothing major, it's just tiny errors spotted about that kinda bleep like a giant spotlight in the dark of night when you're reading it. Because you've said that UN:PS is dyeing or dead, all I can recommend is just going through this yourself. It shouldn't take long and it will improve the article immeasurably. Another slight formatting issue, here, is links. I feel you could do with a few more links, just to brighten the article up a bit. Other than that the formatting and prose are pretty average here. Nothing that makes your eyes bleed and nothing that makes them weep tears of joy in wonder at the beauty of it. If you clear up the two issues I mentioned and maybe vary your formatting |
Images: | 7 | The images are a bit average, here, I'm afraid to say. You've got the right number of pictures, though. The first vinyl picture is actually quite poor quality, for an article of this calibre. Your last image is by far the best and is quite a good chop from UU. The other two need work on. Maybe you could have pictures which show the way he imagines the things? The CD player could have fangs and be dribbling, while the vinyl could have a halo above it? I dunno, just a little suggestion. Oh and one other note: one thing that bugs me is aligning all the images to the same side. I generally say that it looks better if the images are on alternating sides. It just makes it look slightly more...more...encyclopaedic. |
Miscellaneous: | 7.5 | Hey I wet my pants...with an average! Sorry, that was slightly disturbing! |
Final Score: | 37.5 | This deserves VFH, no mistake about that. It does need a bit of work done to it though, before it's truly VFhable. I mean I could vote for it now, but I think in the interest of preserving high standards I'm not voting until you've just improved upon a few of the issues I've mentioned. You need to strengthen the quality of images and possibly put them on alternate sides. If you can find any way of improving on the humour, by all means go ahead (at the moment I can't think of that many suggestions for this department). Also the prose and formatting could be improved upon (as I've suggested). Other than that, this is a thoroughly good article - I've just been quite harsh with my scoring! Anyway, good luck on VFH. Hope you found the review useful... |
Reviewer: | YTTE |