Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/F2
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F2[edit source]
Threw it down in a coupla hours. Opinions/expansions of concept? 
Contestant CUN -- VFH NotM Buzz Ctrbs 02:33, 12 December 2007 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | Well, it was amusing in a few places, but... well, there were a few things. First, I felt like there was too much use of "fuck," and other expletives. You're going for an angry tone, here, which can work, but it has to be done extremely well. I'd try to cut way down on the cussing(I did like it in the headers, though.). Another thing that sort of bothered me were those interaction parts where you kinda assume the reader is thinking one thing. These "one-sided conversation" bits were somewhat confusing to me, so you may want to take them out, or try to rework them a bit to make it very clear what's going on.
I think that you're writing this from the perspective of a fed-up Best Buy employee, yes? It's a little hard to tell at first, and it seems like you only decided what he was in the middle of writing it. You need more direction; have a set idea in your mind of where you want the page to go. Lastly, try to work on the angry tone. It's a tough 'voice' to get just right, so be careful to avoid sounding too angry, but make sure that the tone comes across. Right now, I feel like you're leaning towards a bit too angry, so try to tone it down just a bit. |
| Concept: | 7 | Part of your trouble here is that you have a tough concept. Letters (or keys) are not easy. For an example of how to do them well, you can look at D and Z. The tone you're going for is also tough to get right, but a good example (I think so, anyway) of it is shown in I Fucking Hate the Bermuda Triangle. Again, it's the balance, the way the rant flows, that makes the page work. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6.5 | No major prose issues, but it's awfully short. As for expansion ideas...hmmm....Well, personally, I think you could probably expand on the "how" and "why" sections. Maybe add a section about the key being "Fucking useless in history"? |
| Images: | 7.5 | I sort of liked the images--They really weren't relevant, but they made sense in the context of the page, and the captions made them funny. Funny captions=funny pictures. |
| Miscellaneous: | 6.8 | Nothin' else really to say here, avg'd via Template:Pee. |
| Final Score: | 33.8 | Well, you have a good start here, but I think it could be better. Work on the voice and the clarity (make sure the reader can't possibly misinterpret what's going on), and try to expand on it a little. Good luck, if you have any questions, feel free to ask on my talk page. |
| Reviewer: | - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon  (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 03:49, Dec 12
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