UnNews:Suicide bomber commits suicide
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
6 March 2010
HANGU, Pakistan -- UnNews: No one was killed or injured when a suicide bomber rammed his explosive-packed car into a tree, Dawn News reported March 6. District police chief Abdur Rashid Khan said the dead man/woman wore civilian burka and carried no ID. The incident occurred far from the northwestern town of Tul. Police are treating the case as a “Suicide”.
Khan told UnNews, “Well, of course it was suicide. That’s why he’s called a suicide bomber! But this case is very strange in that he detonated his bomb-filled vehicle by crashing into a tree located 100 KM from the nearest human habitat.
“Not even a blade of grass was harmed by the blast, apart from one disintegrated tree, which occurred in the desert, and therefore we are treating this explosion as a simple suicide, and NOT terrorism.”
Khan continued, “The question is why did he blow him/her self into a multitude of small pieces, all unrecognizable? The only possible answer is that being a Suicide Bomber, he somehow, mistook himself to be an infidel. So he must have felt that he is killing an Infidel! And, perhaps, he was also allured by the prospect of so much sex as is available with 72 virgins.”
UnNews questioned Khan’s line of reasoning by asking, “But, after you screw all the 72 virgins, then they are no longer virgins, and no wog wants to screw a non-virgin. So when the quota of 72 virgins is up, then what?”
Khan laughed and told UnNews, “Haa! Then, perhaps, they might be reborn as a Hindu in India..ha ha!! Isn’t it!?”
UnNews couldn’t help but whisper, “Or, much worse, they could be reborn in Pakistan as an UnNews reporter.”
Mean while, a new development: The Irish Republican Army has claimed responsibility for the blast.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- AFP "Suicide Bomber Commits Suicide" Google News, March 6, 2010