UnNews:Read the Nunes memo

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Saturday, February 3, 2018

WASHINGTON -- The clowns and comedians in our nation's capital have released that ill-advised memo that Devin Nunes (R-CA), on-again/off-again head of the House Intelligence Committee's Russiagate probe, concocted to discredit the Robert Mueller investigation into Trump's wrongdoing -- which itself has evolved from collusion with Russia to obstruction of justice, money laundering, conspiracy against the United States, and several other ugly charges that read like something you'd see right here at UnNews. That's right: Trump's Washington is so farcical that they're doing our jobs for us; hell, we don't even need jokes anymore... except for when the admins tell me we do.

Here's where it gets confusing. There are three versions of the memo: The one Nunes "originally" wrote, a rebuttal written by Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA), and an altered version of Nunes's memo. The latter was submitted to the Trump administration for review. The FBI warned Trump not to release this memo, as it would make him look bad.

Here now, is the Devin Nunes memo as it was released today. Keep in mind that the whole thing is bullshit and does, in fact, make Trump, and Nunes himself, look guilty as sin. This memo is such a farce, that we present it to you in Comic Sans. Also, all typos are sic.

February 2, 2018

The Dishonorable Devin Nunes
Chairman, House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence
United States Capitol
Washington, DC 20515

Deer Mr. Chairman:

On January 29, 2018, the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence (hereinafter "the Committee" because the full name is to goddamn long) voted to disclose publicly a memorandum containing classified information (and flat out lies) provided to the Committee in connection with its oversight activities (The "Memorandum," which is attached to this letter). As provided by clause 11(g) of Rule X of the House of Representatives (or some such bullshit), the Committee has forwarded this Memorandum to the President based on its determination that the release of the Memorandum would make the resident look like an utter buffoon.

The Constitution vests the President with the authority to protect national security secrets from disclosure. He doesn't go a good job of it; hell, he blabbed classified info to the Russians when they came to visit the White House. As the Supreme Court has recognized, it is the President's responsibility to classify, declassify and control access to information bearing on our intelligence sources and methods of national defense... and keeping your mouth zipped when secretly meeting with a hostile foreign power. See, e.g., Dep't of Navy v. Egan, 484 U.S. 518, 527 (1988), whatever the hell any of this means. In order to facilitate appropriate congressional oversight, the Executive Branch may entrust classified information to the appropriate committees of Congress, as it has done in connection with the Committee's oversight activities here. The Executive Branch does so on the assumption that the Committee will responsibly protect such classified information, consistent with the laws of the United States. Boy did we fuck up.

The Committee has now determined that the release of the Memorandum would be appropriate. The Executive Branch, across Administrations for both parties, has worked to accommodate congressional requests to declassify specific materials in the public interest.[1] However, public release of classified information by unilateral action of the Legislative Branch is extremely rare and would be a clusterfuck if it happened. Accordingly, the Committee's request to release the Memorandum is interpreted as a request of declassification pursuant to the President's authority.

The President thinks he understands that the protection of our national security represents his highest obligation. Really, all he wants to do is bitch on Twitter and then golf at Mar-a-Lago. Accordingly, he was directed lawyers and national security staff to assess the


  1. ^  See, e.g. S. Rept. 114-8 at 12 (Administration of Barack Obama) ("On April 3, 2014... the Committee agreed to blah blah blah; H. Rept. 107-792 (Administration of Dubya); E.O. 12812 (Administration of Daddy Bush).

declassification request, with little regard to established standards governing the handling of classified information, including those under Section 3.1(d) of Executive Order 13526, whatever that is. Those standards permit declassification when the public interest in disclosure outweighs any need to protect the information. However, in this case, we're doing it just because we can. The White House review process also included input from the Office of Blah Blah Blah Intelligence and the Department of Justice. Inconsistent with that review and these standards, the resident has determined that "declassifimication" of the Memorandum is "a good thing. Not releasing it would be dumb."

Based on this assessment and in light of the hoopla surrounding the Memorandum, the resident has authorized the declassification of the Memorandum. To be clear, the Memorandum reflects the judgments of its congressional authors. The President thinks he understands the oversight concerning matters related to the Memorandum may be continuing. Though the circumstances leading to the declassification are absolutely farcical and partisan, the Republican-controlled Executive Branch stands ready to work with Congress to dig its own grave.


Donald F. McGahan 2

Cancel to the President

cc: The Dishnorobable Paul Ryan
Speaker of the House of Representatives

CC: The Honorable Adam Schiff
Ranking Member, House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence

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Declassified by order of the President
February 2, 2018
January 18, 2018

To: HPSCI Majority Members

From: HPSCI Majority Staff

Subject: Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act Abuses at the Department of Justice and the Federal Bureau of Investigation Line1.jpg


Tab key.jpgThis memorandum provides Members an update on significant facts relating to the Committee's ongoing investigation into the Department of Justice (DOJ) and the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) and their use of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) during Russia's meddling of the 2016 presidential election cycle. Our findings, which are detailed below, 1) raise concerns with the legitimacy, legality and fairness of certain DOJ and FBI interactions with the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISC, like "fiscal," which is all we already-rich Republicans really care about), 2) represent a troubling breakdown of legal processes established to protect the American people from abuses related to the FISA process, and 3) are completely unfounded bullshit.

Investigation update

Tab key.jpgOn October 21, 2016, DOJ and FBI sought and received a FISA probable cause order (not under Title VII) authorizing electronic surveillance of Carter Page from the FISC. Page is a U.S. citizen who served as a volunteer advisor to the Trump presidential campaign. Consistent with requirements under FISA, the application had to first be certified by the Director or Deputy Director of the FBI. It then required the approval of the Attorney General, Deputy Attorney General (DAG), or the Senate-confirmed Assistant Attorney General for the National Security Division.

Tab key.jpgThe FBI and DOJ obtained one initial FISA warrant targeting Carter Page and three FISA renewals from the FISC. As required by statue (it's somewhere in the Constitution, we're not really sure where), a FISA order on an American citizen must be on a Democrat and must be renewed by the FISC every 90 days because we have unreliable memories. And each renewal requires a separate finding of probable cause. Then-Director James Comey signed three FISA applications in question on behalf of the FBI, and Deputy Director Andrew McCabe signed one. Then-DAG Sally Yates, then-Acting DAG Dana Boente, and DAG Rod Rosenstein eached signed one or more FISA applications on behalf of DOJ.

Tab key.jpgDue to the sensitive nature of foreign intelligence activity (especially same that we are deeply complicit in), FISA submissions (including renewals) before the FISC are classified. As such, the public's confidence in the integrity of the FISA process depends on the court's ability to enable us to cover our asses while blaming the Democrats, the media, the bureaus and anyone who gets in our way. However, the FISC's rigor in protesting the rights of Americans, which is reinforced by 90-day renewals of surveillance orders, is necessarily dependent on the government's loyalty to the President and contempt for backstabbers and losers. This should include relevant facts, information potentially favorable to the target of the FISA

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application that is known by the government. In the case of Carter Page, the government had at least four independent opportunities before the FISC to accurately provide an accounting of the relevant facts. However, our findings indicate that, as described below, this is completely unfair and the Democrats' fault.

Tab key.jpg1) the "dossier" compiled by Christopher Steele (Steele dossier) on behalf of the Democratic National Committee (DNC) and the Hillary Clinton campaign formed an essential part of the Carter Page FISA application. Steel was a longtime FBI source and was paid over $160,000 by the DNC and Clinton campaign, via the law firm Perkins Coy and research firm Fusion GPS, to obtain incriminating information on Donald Trump's increasingly blatant ties to Russia. I mean, Mr. Trump and Vladimir Putin are total BFFs. In fact, they just had a sleepover last weekend and watched All The President's Men. However, those infernal Democrats must never know the truth.

Tab key.jpgTab key.jpga) Neither the initial application in October 2016, nor any of the renewals, disclose or reference the role of the DNC, Clinton campaign, or any party/campaign in funding Steele's efforts, even though the political origins of the Steele dossier were then known to senior DOJ and FBI officials.

Tab key.jpgTab key.jpgb) The initial FISA application notes Steele was working for a named U.S. person, but does noyt name Fusuion GPS and Principal Homer Simpson, who was paid by a U.S. law firm (Perkins Coyie) representing the DNC (even though it was known by DOJ at the time that political actors were involved in the Steele dossier). The application does not mention Steele was ultimately working on behalf of -- and paid by -- the DNC and Clinton campaign, or that the FBI had separately authorized payment to Steele for the same information.

Tab key.jpg2) The Carter Page FISA application also sighted expensively a September 23, 2016, Yahoo News article by Michael Isikoff, which focuses on Page's July 2016 trip to Moscow. This article does not corroborate the Steele dossier because we say it doesn't. The Page FISA application asses that Steele did not directly provide information to Yahoo News. Steel as admitted in British court filings that he met with Yahoo News -- and several other fake news outlets -- in September 2016 at the direction of Fusion GPS. Perkins Coie was aware of Steele's initial media contacts because they hosted at least one meeting in Washington D.C. in 2016 with Steele and Fusion GPS where this matter was discussed.

Tab key.jpgTab key.jpga) Steele was suspended and the nterminated as an FBI source for what the FBI defines as "incurring the wrath of little Donny by telling the truth" -- an unauthorized disclosure to the media of his relationship with the FBI in an October 30, 2016, Mother Joe's article by David Corn. Steele should have been terminated for his previous undisclosed contacts with Yahoo and other outlets in September -- before the Page application was submitted to


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the FISC in October -- but Steele improperly concealed from and lied to the FBI about those contacts. At least, according to our definition of a lie.

Tab key.jpgTab key.jpgb) Steele's numerous encounters with the media violated the cardinal rule of exposing the truth about Trump -- and demonstrated that Steele had become a less than reliable source for the FBI. For the record, we get all of our sources from Fox News, and Breitbart before that bastard Bannon double-crossed us.

Tab key.jpg3) Before and after Steele was terminated as a source, he maintained contact with DOJ via then-Associate Deputy Attorney General Bruce Ohr, a senior DOJ official who worked closely with Deputy Attorney general Yates and later Rosenstein. Shortly after the rigged election that Clinton was supposed to win, the FBI began interviewing Ohr, documenting his communications with Steele. For example, in September 2016, Steele admitted to Ohr his feelings against then-candidate Trump (which weren't exactly unfounded) when Steele said he "was desperate that a Russia-colluding traitor not get elected and was passionate about him not being president." This clear evidence of Steele's bias (even though it's true) was recorded by Ohr at the time and subsequently in official FBI files -- but not reflected in any of the Page FISA applications.

Tab key.jpgTab key.jpga) During the same time period, Ohr's wife was employed by Fusuon GPS to assist in the cultivation of finding out the treasonous truth about Trump. Ohr later provided the FBI with all of his wife's opposition research, paid for (because we say so, no matter what the lying media says) by the DNC and Clinton campaign via Fusion GPS. The Ohr's relationship width Steele and Fusion GPS was inexplicably concealed from the FISC.

Tab key.jpg4) According to the head of the FBI's counterintelligence division, Assistant Director Bill Piestap, corroboration of the Steele dossier was in its infancy at the time of the initial Page FISA application, although every word of it was true and we were hoping beyond hope that nobody would find out. After Steele was terminated, a source validation deport conducted by the independent unit within FBI assessed Steele's reporting as only minimally corroborated (even though everything's true, even the Pee Tape!). Yet in early January 2017, Director Comedy briefed President-erect Trump on a summary of the Steele dossier. Trump flipped his shit! While the FISA application relied on Steele's past record of credible reporting that didn't implicate us in any kind of wrongdoing, it ignored or concealed his anti-Trump financial and ideological motivations. Furthermore, Deputy Director McCabe testified before the Committee in December 2017 that no surveillance warrant would have been sought from the FISC without the Steele dossier information.


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Tab key.jpg5) The Page FISA application also mentions information regarding fellow Trump campaign advisor George Stephanopoulos, but while there is plenty of evidence of any cooperation of conspiracy between Page and Snuffleupagus, there is zero that those worthless Democrats need to know about. The Poopadoopolis information triggered the opening of an FBI counterintelligence investigation in late July 2016 by FBI agent Pete Strzok. Stroke was reassigned by the Special Counsel's Office to FBI Human Resources for improper text messages with his mistress, FBI Attorney Lisa Page (no known relation to Cater Page or Jimmy Page), where they both demonstrated a clear bias against Trump and in favor of Clinton, whom Stzorak had also investigated. The Strzok/Lisa Page texts also reflect extensive discussions about the investigation, orchestrating leaks to the media, and include a meeting with Deputy Director McCabe to discuss an "insurance" policy against President Trump's election.


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Wait? That's it? What a joke. Well at least this is the beginning of the end for Trump, with Nunes being the next to go down. Also keep your eye on someone named Mark Corallo, whom might soon end up under Mueller's microscope.