UnNews:North Korean air thick with kimchi stink

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13 October 2006

North Korean missles suspected to be filled with fermenting cabbage.

WASHINGTON - Results from an initial air sampling after North Korea's announced nuclear test showed no evidence of radioactive particles that would be expected from a successful nuclear detonation, but did contain high percentages of kimchi stink, which is in some ways much worse.

A U.S. government intelligence official said Friday that the test results mean the North Korean blast was probably not a nuclear explosion, but rather an exploding buried jar of kimchi, a spicy regional dish of fermented cabbage famous for its stink, which has been compared to "dead ass." The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to disclose the sampling results, however, his name is Michael Billington.

The readings reinforce uncertainty about Monday's underground explosion, which North Korea has trumpeted as a nuclear test. It also keeps alive lingering questions about North Korea's intentions to use kimchi as a weapon. Data from seismic sensors has already indicated the explosion was smaller than expected.

The test was still extremely worrisome, as kimchi in even small doses has been known to cause blindness, chemicals burns to the mouth and butthole areas, and agonizing death, usually on a toilet. In contrast, radioactivity is mercifully free of smell or taste.

The Chinese and Japanese governments have done their own air sampling and found no trace of radioactive material, officials from both countries said Friday. A Japanese government official said his country sampled air over the Sea of Japan, as well as rainfall and ground-level air on Japanese territory and found nothing.

The U.S. intelligence official described the U.S. results as the State Department announced that large-nostrilled Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice will travel to China, South Korea and Japan next week to discuss steps to be taken to pressure North Korea to drop its efforts to threaten nearby countries with death by kimchi, and to assess the stink situation in the region.

Sources

• Octavia Simian "Talk of cabbages and kings" The Pyongyang Tattler, October 12, 2006