UnNews:John Edwards: "I am Conan O'Brien's brother"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 January 2010

Oh yeah, I kinda see it. Well, not really.

One of the Two Americas -- As news of Conan O'Brien's departure from The Tonight Show sweeps the television world, it's nothing compared to the shock that came today from the political field.

Former Senator and Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, born as John O'Brien, admitted to being Conan O'Brien's brother in an interview with NBC news. "The rumors are all true. Conan and I are brothers," John said without a Southern accent. "I kept the secret because I knew my sister being the President of Finland would hurt me politically in the South. Not to mention that the bit where Conan pissed off every nation on earth would have been a problem for international relations if I became President. It was better for everyone to think I was the son of a millworker."

Conan, also a staunch Democrat, never interviewed Edwards on his show due to fear of the political scandal breaking. Many of Edwards' opponents suspected he was somehow connected to O'Brien due to his hair vanity. "And they were right on the money," Conan commented. "The reason he paid $400 for that haircut was because I insisted he use my stylist."

John is scheduled to be the first guest on his brother's last episode of The Tonight Show this Friday. "There's no better way to make yourself feel better about your own failures than letting your rock-bottom brother lend his support," Conan said.

There is still no word on whether John Kerry and Jay Leno are related, if David Letterman fathered Sarah Palin's granddaughter, or any clarity to the rumors that Will Smith is in possession of Barack Obama's real birth certificate.

Sources

• FOXNews.com "Edwards admits to brothering Conan O'Brien" FOX News, January 21, 2010