UnNews:James Smith Carpark explosion kills absolutely nobody

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11 October 2006

Diagram of an explosion

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND - A Jihad attempt had failed poorly after a terrorist blew up part of the James Smith Carpark at 9:11pm NZST last night with nobody else in the carpark. Using a reasonable amount of explosives, the terrorist blew a hole in the bottom of the third floor, destroyed an auto-pay machine, and caused damage to roughly 20 cars. But the main problem for the terrorist was the fact that nobody was actually in the building at the time because they were at an event, and also the fact that most people try to avoid the James Smith Carpark.

There was also major confusion after the terrorist known as Muhammed Dijonaise actually believed that he was in America, and many were alarmed because he was an Arab and spelt favourite without a "U" while writing out his Visas form. After the terrorist passed through immigration, he was given a taxi ride to the Michael Fowler Centre, in which he arrived at seven o'clock, which he carefully planned his attacks. This then led to New Zealand's 9:11 attacks, which was a very foolish decision as the emergency phone number is 111.

The UnNews team asked Prime Minister Helen Clark about how this could have been possible; she responded with "I cannot believe that Don Brash would allow such a thing." However, after noting that Don Brash was not in any state of power, she then responded with "I have no comment on the situation." UnNews still believes that Helen Clark has no constructive criticism.

Police are investigating further into the problem and have put the terrorist into custody, although they need more evidence as arresting Muslims is politically incorrect.

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