Ambulance
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“I see dead people I never see enough, the ambulance is my ice cream truck. ”
Ambulances are used to quickly transport gangsta rappers around cities so they can shoot music videos wherever the crime scenes are happening. Ambulances are usually only found in inner-city areas of large American cities (primarily New York and Los Angeles). Most ambulances are equipped with a crew of at least three gangstas, with at least one to drive, one to perform driveby shootings and one to jump out of the back at a crime scene and begin rapping about his property and other features of his personality. In some areas, such as New York City, a DJ has been added to mix up the sound of the siren to an appropriate beat or bass line. The average American knows very little about ambulances, and has difficult distinguishing them from a Bentley. Even experts have trouble differentiating the two, since the only real difference is that Bentley are only occasionally equipped with hydraulics, while ambulances always are. Ambulances also look white and boxy and flash.
History of the Ambulance[edit | edit source]
The invention of the ambulance is largely attributed to NWA, since they killed everyone who thought otherwise. Ice Cube killed a cop, stuffed a giant white cardboard box over his pickup truck, and ripped the lights off the cop car and put them on top of the box. He then stuffed the dead cops inside and pretended to be taking them to a hospital, which everyone believed. Humorously enough, this lie is believed by almost all of the population, who believe ambulances are actually used to transport to the wounded to medical facilities. NWA are rapping all the way to the bank.
Ambulance Stations[edit | edit source]
Sitting in the station waiting for a call with nothing better to do than a bit of uncyclopeding and a vague wish to have the ghostbusters theme tune instead of a siren.
Ambulances in Popular Culture[edit | edit source]
Though ambulances are largely ignored by Western culture, wrestling fans have fallen completely in love with them. Most professoinal wrestling leagues now pit their best wrestlers against ambulances (which have somehow become conscous and sentient and fight viciously for glory). Of course, all the violence is fake and just fun and games. What a Twist.
Anti-Ambulances[edit | edit source]
Because credible government institutions actually dispatch ambulances to rescue people from the insidious, unseen toes of Hermione Granger, P. Diddly coined this term to describe Ice Cube's brand of now-radical ganstamobiles. This was a shimmerman's effort, but unfortunately governments around the world now also dispatch anti-ambulances to dispatch their citizens. Anti-paramedics are capable of simple killing, typically by running over, strangling, electrocution, or vigorously pumping the patient's chest. However, they frequently have serious cases on their hands where the person is death-resistant enough to be transferred to an EMR (Emergency Murder Room), which is capable of handling heavy firearms.
Reverse Ambulances[edit | edit source]
Futurists never saw this coming, and that's surprising given the fact that real ambulances have the word "Ambulance" painted on backwards. Do not confuse anti-ambulances and reverse ambulances; it could be your last mistake. Reverse ambulances do what ordinary ambulances do, but in the opposite direction, ferrying patients from hospitals to completely random points on the geograph, e.g. Tripoli or your mom's house. These patients are termed out-patients.
There are also reverse fire trucks and reverse police cars, because bureaucratic crazes always lie unchecked. Reverse fire trucks collect water from their destinations, throw people into the upper storeys of buildings, and repair axe marks. Reverse police cars, as the name suggests, transport criminals from prisons to your home. Yes, one is just behind you right now. If you wish to escape from a fire house, police station, or hospital, simply mash pound combined with the emergency switch of your choice. Legions of arrested robbers were too stupid to use this option with their last phone call, so you're not the first.
Hunters?[edit | edit source]
Although very rare, some ambulances have been observed as scavengers in the wild, oftentimes trying to eat off of a fire truck's kill. For more information on this subject, National Geographic has a show out now making the rounds on national television.