UnNews:David Cameron announces new UK budget

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 June 2010

David Cameron address the house, whilst the chancellor behind him, to his left remembers a mildly amusing joke from The Archers radio programme from the night before

LONDON, United Kingdom -- The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of England and the other ones, David Cameron, announced the country's new budget today. The members of the house from all parties met in the commons earlier today to listen to the announcement, made personally by the PM and the chancellor. The PM spoke thus:

"Members of the house, I wish to make public that the coalition has prepared the budget for the next five years. The country is broken, and Broken Britain deser-"

All of a sudden, a sweaty Kanye West burst on the scene.

"David Cameron, I'm happy for you and I'm gonna let you finish, but the previous government had one of the best budgets of all time."

The house was reawoken and midly disturbed by this interruption as the PM was left baffled as to how a black man entered the Houses of Parliament.

"Of all TIME."

He did too.

The PM was heckled by everyone in the house to respond to Mr West but could offer no comment, and thus decided to continue with his speech on the new budget. He reached for a hanky in his pocket to mop up the sweat bristling in his hair as he spoke.

"Anyway. Members of the house, I call for your attention the decline that our Broken Britain is in. It can't go on like this. We need change. Change we can believe in, change real change. Proper genuine change. Change for everyone, a future fair for all. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the change promoted by this budget. A change fair for all."

Just as he ended his sentence, the Speaker of the house spoke up.

This change cycle is going round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and round and

"cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt cunt you're all cunty cuntishy heaving cunting cunts"

Alarmed once more by yet another surprise statement, the PM was unsullied and carried on presenting his speech.

"As I was saying. The coalition has presented this budget to deal with the nation's problems. We need more mansions, champagne, fox hunts, war, blah blah blah blah. But that will come in time. For now I will cut ever-"

The PM stopped as he felt a minor vibration in his pocket. He pulled out his blackberry and saw he had a message from President Obama from the United States.

"I say!" he said, "I must inform Barack that I met a black man once."

He opened the message from the president. It was a doodle of the PM with a penis on his head. Followed a video of the prez masturbating.