UnNews:BBC ask Clarkson to return and be racist
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
The BBC has begged Jeremy Clarkson to return and "be racist" on Top Gear, the only profitable show the corporation has left.
Clarkson, who was replaced by two men who were popular in 1995 - Chris Evans and Joey from Friends - thrilled viewers all over the world by frequently saying racist things and occasionally punching colleagues in the face. The BBC were forced to fire him when he caused seven separate incidents within twelve months, but the show has never recovered.
"What we have realised with Brexit and the latest season's viewing figures," says Top Gear producer Joanna Corey, "is that a lot of people are a little bit racist. Chris Evans and Joey might like cars, but they haven't once called an Asian person a Chink or a Paki, and I'll be damned if I have seen either of them punch a producer in the face yet."
Evans announced his resignation on Twitter, reflecting that although he once managed to refer to a black man as "coloured", his heart wasn't really in it.
The BBC is said to have offered Clarkson carte blanche[1] to be as pig-ignorant as he likes, as long as Top Gear still manages to pull millions in a year for BBC Worldwide.
"What we need now," added Corey, "is to bring Clarkson and his two Beta Male colleagues back, have them say racist things and be cruel, and just gently chastise them in public, whilst privately telling them to keep doing what they are doing.
"I know it sounds bad, but all we do apart from Top Gear is make one season of Doctor Who or Sherlock every year... and three-part period drama miniseries."
A source close to Clarkson said he hasn't made a decision on the offer yet, but told us: "He thinks the BBC acted like a bunch of spastics when they sacked him. He and the other two had worked like niggers to make that show work, and those liberal namby-pamby poofters kicked them out just for telling a bunch of Dagos where to stick it, and for punching a Paddy in the face.
"Then they replaced him with a bloody ginger and a Seppo."
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ The best colour paper, much better than that carte noire which is always getting into trouble with the law.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Leverage, "Chris Evans quits BBC Top Gear after just one series" Guardian, July 5, 2016
