UnNews:America moves to execute porn stars
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
14 June 2007
Washington, D.C. (UnNews) - America's Dictator, George W. Bush has made a decree that may lead to the death penalty for anyone convicted of making, distributing, or acting in an adult film.
The Democratic Controlled Congress tried to overturn the decree but Bush vetoed their bill and passed the decree anyways. Under the new law anyone caught creating a pornographic film will be summarily executed. People caught distributing adult films will face sentences ranging from ampuatation of limbs to decapitation depending on the severity and obesenity of the porn. Porn actors will face castration on the first offence and death on the second.
To prevent obsene material from getting into people's home computers, President Bush has also made a personal decree that the government monitor Americans internet activities. Anyone caught with porn on their computer will face 10 years in jail on the first offence, death for the second. Asked by fellow Christian and friend Pat Robertson why he is even willing to give those caught with porn a second chance, Bush responded "Even though sex is a terrible crime and is one of the worst sins you can committ, I believe in a loving forgiving God who is full of divine love and mercy. That's why I believe in giving people who've purchased or starred in porn a second chance after they've been justly punished. As for those who create this immoral filth, God has no mercy for you. You will face immediate execution and a one way trip to hell. You are the scum of the Earth". Robertson disagreed with the decision to spare those who participate in porn on a first offence but was glad that offenders only get one chance and that producers were executed summarily. "Overall I am happy with the President's decision", Robertson was quoted as saying from his mansion.
Ann Coulter has also expressed support for the President's decree on the Fox News Show Hannity and Colmes. She thinks that the President should go farther though and ban sex all together, making intercourse a capital crime. She backed off that statement when a sex tape of her and Fred Phelps was leaked to the media. Fortunately for Coulter few people have chosen to watch the tape because it is so disgusting.
The President's increasingly repressive actions against his citizens have been criticized from both within and outside the United States by many groups such as Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, Freedom House, and the ACLU. The President dismissed the criticism and said this in an official statement to the state-run news station Fox News "We can't take any of these criticisms seriously. I mean all four of those organizations are a bunch of immoral, pinko, leftist commies. Amnesty International supports the homosexual agenda and the ACLU protects pedophiles. We can't take these people seriously. These organizations are anti-American and should be banned.". Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly agreed with the President. Another commentator, Alan Colmes told the President that he thought these oppressive rules were going too far and that the American citizens have a right to privacy. Bush responded that he has a "responsibility to protect the American people from themselves". In a completely unrelated story, Colmes' wife has filed a missing persons report claiming her husband did not come home after work.
Bush has received harsh condemnation from many countries around the world for his repressive actions against his people. Criticism has come even from allies such as Tony Blair, John Howard, and Stephen Harper. Some nations have expressed support for the President's actions including Colombian President Alvaro Uribe and the North Korean Dear Leader Kim Jong Il. Bush is disappointed in the critism from his allies but thanked Uribe and Kim for their support. Despite almost universal condemnation for his actions, President Bush says he will continue to rule by decree because he is ordained by God and he is doing what is in the best interests of his people.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Pat Robertson "The Great American Porn Purge" Moral Majority, June 13, 2007