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The word truck is used to describe many types of vehicles used for different purposes. Some vehicles have been given that name by others because they are not so desirable to be driving. Other vehicles are called "trucks" by their owners who want to assign themselves status as the owners. Somehow, many people like the word "truck" and want to call their own car a truck.

Types of trucks[edit | edit source]

Tractor trailers[edit | edit source]

A really, really, really big truck

“Ooh I'm driving my life away, looking for a better way, for me”

~ Eddie Rabbitt

A tractor trailer or big rig is a vehicle composed of a cab (tractor) and a rig (trailer) used to transport goods between places. It is not cool to be driving a tractor trailer. It is a tough, low-paying job that keeps you away from your home and family.

The cab of the tractor is a type of mobile hotel. Inside, it is a mansion. It comes equipped with nice, cozy beds for sex, a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a big screen TV, a DVD player, and even a jacuzzi. It is a world of its own.

But truck drivers do not get any time to enjoy their estate. They are kept busy all the time just driving and driving, and if they are lucky, they get a little bit of time to sleep.

You’ve been hit by, you’ve been struck by, TRUCK!

Pickup trucks[edit | edit source]

A pickup truck is a vehicle with seats for 2-3 people in its cab and however many more you want on a flat bed on the back. It is the symbol of redneck patriotism and the wish of many teens. Being loyal to Redneck Culture means owning a pickup truck and some hunting rifles and drinking a lot of beer. It is for this reason that pickup truck are often driven drunk.

In redneck culture, it is typical for men to hang out in groups of 2-3, hence that number of seats in the truck. If any more wish to tag along, the get to ride in back on the flat bed. The bed is most often used for hunting trophies. It is also a place for those in colder climates to transport snow against their will.

For teens, the bed of the pickup truck is the outcast's deck, where the bullied members of the clan get to ride without the safety afforded to those in the cab. These teens often become very angry in response to their bullying, and respond by throwing hot dogs at the windshields of cars passing by in the other direction. There is a culture of these hot dog throwers, with the champions being those who know how to recognize an unmarked police car and avoid arrest.

Suvs[edit | edit source]

The suv that is a must-have for every suburbanite

“Hey, kids, let's all get in the truck!”

~ Dad

Unlike the pickup truck, the suv (yes, spelled in lowercase letters, and pronounced accordingly) is the symbol of the yuppie living in the suburbs. The owners of the suvs are attempting to make "suv" replace "car" in the English language as the word for all motor vehicles built for person use. The word "suv" comes from the suburban dialect for "sub," short for "Suburban," the name of one of the largest suvs on the market, and the name of the lifestyle of all.

The suv has several uses, each for different members of the family. One of the uses is for the commute, that of all employed members (in most cases both the husband and wife) to drive to work all alone. The driver's seat is there for the driver. That is a given. But the remainder of the vehicle is to send out the message "ME FIRST."

Another use of the suv is for the soccer mom to do carpool. That is where the remaining seats in the suv come in handy. The suv can easily absorb the sweat from all the kids playing soccer, and the stench does not matter once the AC is blasting.

Hand trucks[edit | edit source]

A hand truck is an object for people in the workforce to play around with. When someone is bored with his job, he stands up on a hand truck, and another worker gives him a ride. Nice fun to have behind the back of the boss.

Hand trucks are very often misused though. The way the are most commonly misused is through the placement of large objects, such as refrigerators and other appliances, furniture, and cardboard boxes piled one on top of another. Those engaging in these violations thinks this makes life so much easier. But what they don't realize is that if only you were a little less lazy, it would be possible to lift these things up by yourself and win a marathon carrying them above your head. Other kinds of types listed here can do that, so why can't humans?

Toy trucks[edit | edit source]

The toy truck: The ultimate boy sign

Toy trucks are a sign of boyhood. Today, most boys and girls dress exactly the same. But there is one true way to know the difference between a boy and a girl. If a child is seen playing with toy trucks, you know it is a boy. A child playing with dolls is a girl.

Toy truck often come with the logo of a real company embossed on their side. This is a form of advertising. 5 and 6 year old children will not watch the advertising on TV and will not learn about what these companies will have to say. So the companies have to find other ways to get their messages out to the little ones. And toy trucks is one of the best ways to do that.

Function[edit | edit source]

Many think that a truck is propelled by the circular, black, rubbery, uncomfortable-to-sit-on objects known as 'tires' that rotate and shift the bulk of the truck forward. This, however, is a common misconception, but i'll get to that later. In order for a truck to perform its signature function: running over small children moving, it must first initiate the startup sequence.

Startup sequence[edit | edit source]

We all know how to start a truck, we've all done it at some point, unless you haven't, in which case you haven't. This being said, i will still go over the process in order to enlighten your dull minds as to what happens within the machine's interior.

To begin the process, you must first have the correct key that corresponds to the vehicle. If the key you have inserted fits in the hole properly, the truck will become slightly aroused, and will be given a sufficient amount of adrenaline to continue the process. If the key you attempt to use does not fit in the hole, the vehicle may begin what is known as 'instant death mode' wherein the truck will begin emitting a loud, repetitive beeping noise, and attempt (with success in most cases) to swallow the intruder whole.

When the key is turned in its socket, the engine detects this and begins turning over. the engine, wishing it were one if the truck's wheels, will spin about the x-axis (regardless of the truck's orientation) very rapidly, the average Sps (spins per second) is 35-40. The highest recorded Sps were recorded by Guinness Book of World Records as 300.01.

In response to the engine's Ridiculous Rampant RotationsTM , the pistons (which are small, parasitic organisms that attach themselves to engines in a similar way to barnacles) will begin slamming their bodies into the engine, causing small explosions, enough to force the engine into a state of unconsciousness.