Talk:Chuck Norris/Facts

This is the talk page for discussing improvements to Chuck Norris/Facts. This is also a forum for spreading libelous rumors about the article's subject. This is not a forum for general discussion about what you did last night. We have the Village Dump for things like that.
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• Darkside kicked himself in the head. z0mg i add3d t3h 13th fact.

• 67.166.1.98 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake.
• 4.252.86.184 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake. (in bed)
• 68.148.28.46 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake (in algebra class).
• 24.61.211.243 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake (by buying him 13 beers to help celebrate his outstanding gayness.)
• 217.33.207.195 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake (by setting his house on fire and blaming the Mexicans who live down the street.)
• 24.1.188.58 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake (by taping over his copies of Star Trek).
• 195.93.21.5 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake (by touching him at night).
• 125.236.44.47 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake (and use a spoon in the damn toaster).
• 81.79.208.173 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake as he twists in the wind, screaming for his lost balls.
• 204.113.118.29 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake (and stop screwing his mother)
• 195.93.21.5 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake, the little girly-man.
• 195.93.21.5 was just fucking kicked in the head, AGAIN. learn from his mistake, the little goggly-eyed twat.
• 195.93.21.5 was just fucking kicked in the head, AGAIN learn from his mistake, the inbred dog-faced moron.
• 195.93.21.5 was just fucking kicked in the head, AGAIN learn from his mistake, the only human shaped like a bunny dildo.
• 201.24.52.18 was just fucking kicked in the head. learn from his mistake, (and stop stealing his post)
• 76.171.188.74 was just fucking kicked in the head.learn from his mistake, by destroying Wikipedia.

The Chuck Norris fad: a fad that needs to die already.

NEVER! >:O --Kafeithekeaton 01:43, 22 March 2006 (UTC)

Chuck Norris is the man that we'll never be

I see Chuck Norris has taken care of that guy already.

There was once a fact which I can't find anymore, it went a bit like:

"Chuck Norris only has sex to the song All Night Long by Lionel Richie."

I can't find it on google, so I'm going to add it like above. Correct me if I'm wrong. (this is my favourite fact)

No, your thinking of "Chuck Norris only has sex to the 1812 Oveture"

Clean

Damn, it too so long to edit this fucker that it logged me out.Neoliminal 04:02, 3 April 2006 (UTC)

Someone needs to serious cull the wheat from the chaff. There's a lot of crap quotes... OK, I'll do it. Neoliminal 03:10, 3 April 2006 (UTC)

On a related note, the other fact pages should be straightened up too. After all, Vin Diesel was Chuck Norris' mentor, and Mr. T doesn't support George W. Bush (that I know of). Plus, Tina Fey is a ninja. Chuck Norris is too close to a pirate to ever be ninja. --Ж Kalir, Wandering Hippie Salesman 16:33, 7 April 2006 (UTC)

Woot. I'm patrolling these here waters for bad facts now. Thanks for the help.Neoliminal 02:39, 13 April 2006 (UTC)

about the 1812 overture fact... i remember writing it months back, but when the norris page split from the norris facts page, it didn't make the transition. law and order aren't pleased. not to brag, but i was pretty proud of that one. i think it may have been raped a couple times leading to the all night long version. eh. chuck happens.

GET OSCAR WILDE! OSCAR, SAVE US!

There is no Oscar Wilde quote, and every article is about Oscar! Except for mine... shouldn't this article have an Oscar Wilde quote? Cheddar Cheesia 20:17, 8 October 2006 (UTC)

I agree. Oscar, where are you? --Mathew 20:55, 14 November 2006 (UTC)

Happy now?

76.171.188.74

WTF Happened!?

How did the giant list become smaller?

Noob number 76.171.188.74

Actual facts

Since the 'Chuck Norris Facts' phenomenon is so well-known, wouldn't it be far funnier, and certainly more in the style of Uncyclopedia if this page was full of actual facts about Chuck Norris? e.g.

• He was born in Ryan, Oklahoma on March 10, 1940.
• He made his film debut in the 1969 comedy, The Wrecking Crew
• He is a devout Christian, and the author of several Christian books
• In his late teens he joined the United States Air Force as an Air Policeman
• He has been married twice, and has 5 children between the marriages.

And so on. Does anyone else agree or is it maybe too subtle for an American audience...? NumberJunkie 19:16, 3 February 2007 (UTC)

You wouldn't happen to be Chuck Norris, now would you? So far, he's been the only one dense enough not to get the whole Chuck Norris facts thing.--Medvedev ^(scream) 19:03, 6 February 2007 (UTC)

Come again? I do understand the idea behind the Chuck Norris facts thing and find them funny, but I also think they've run their course. To only write actual facts such as the ones above is quite satirical and, to my mind, in line with the style of Uncyclopedia. NumberJunkie 12:12, 7 February 2007 (UTC)

It would be in line with the style of Uncyclopedia, were it at all funny. The opposite of truth doesn't equal funny, but the truth itself is just plain boring. I can see the satirical value of tweaking real-life facts about Chuck Norris (or anybody else, for that matter), but those would no longer be Chuck Norris Facts. The latter, by definition, are outrageously exaggerated tales of Mr. Norris's mettle. Actual satire related to Chuck Norris belongs in the Chuck Norris article. --Medvedev ^(scream) 15:56, 7 February 2007 (UTC)

Consarn you, using reasoning and rational points to defeat my argument! I still think the 'Actual' Chuck Norris facts deserve a place on Uncyclopedia, but accept that to replace the current 'facts' with what I have in mind is probably not a good idea. How about a separate page for the 'actual facts', you know, for the minority that would understand the reference? NumberJunkie 03:44, 14 February 2007 (UTC)

You can get these facts any where online and real facts are boring. You can have make fun of the internet facts like

• A gun does not kill Chuck Norris, A bullet does.
• Internet fact:To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer,Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body *by flexing for 30 seconds.
• To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer,Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds and died to a heart attack.
• Internet fact: Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris does.
• Guns don't kill people, Chuck Norris facts do

I'm not good making these up but you get the idea.

Another actual fact

• When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.

As any student of Newton's Third Law of Motion (or subsequent law such as the Law of Conservation of Momentum) will know, this is a true scientific fact that applies to everyone who does push-ups, so I suggest that it should in fact be removed from this list --80.175.250.218 11:46, 22 November 2007 (UTC)

Remove all the world of warcraft facts?

They aren't even funny and besides, they go agains the whole concept of Chuck Norris. Why would an angry killing machine like him waste his time in front of the computer with a lame game like world of warcraft?

-Chuck Norris once made a 100 000K crit just ba jawning, lol zomg roflmao... NOT!!! Really lame jokes.

All Gone??

Why was everything gone??

WHU, HOW, WHY, OMG CHUCK IS DA MAN??????? ???? Roman Dog Bird 01:13, 12 August 2007 (UTC)

Addition Quotes

Chuck Norris is his own father.

Chuck Norris likes children THAT much that he lived in Thailand.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris beats nothing. --Johndoe789 15:52, 20 August 2007 (UTC)

No. Roman Dog Bird 02:59, 21 August 2007 (UTC)

Chuck Norris was created from the collision of two Falcon Punches, both of which were caused by Chuck Norris in Captain Falcon disguises. <insert name here> <(^_^<)Meh.^Meh. _Meh. or something like that 19:36, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris make worthless joke about YOU!!1 Wanbliwakita 00:05, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

Sex and Chuck Norris

I want to have sex with Chuck Norris. 06:18, 4 May 2008 (UTC)

grrr

you will not slander pikmin on this wiki or i will go troll! Rocky0718rocky0718Rocky0718

Nice. No one cares if you like Pikmin. So do I, but I couldn't give less of a damn about Uncyclopedia making fun of it. Bytheby, I do believe I know you from back when I played RuneScape. You hacked an account called Weaselitachi if memory serves. You told him you were just training his account. Mack-the-Random 08:19, 4 July 2008 (UTC)

Chuck Norris Facts

someone messed up the facts of chuck norris in a stupid not funny way and deleted all the good ones so because of this the article must be either fixed and locked or deleted

WoW and Bible

THESE TWO ARE STILL FUCKED UP SOMEBODY FIX THEM. The One and Only... NecroBlade ^[STFU] Live And Learn...

Uh guys.

Listen. I was restoring the world of warcraft facts, but i forgot to put in the separators. As a result, all the world of warcraft facts are mashed together. Sorry. --Fusion7 22:16, 6 August 2008 (UTC)

where would this one go?

• There was going to be a nineth Narnia book, but then Chuck Norris huffed Aslan.

edit it however you need to.

Chuck Norris World of Warcraft

This is the single worst thing I have ever seen. I mean ever. I honestly promise you that I mean ever. It has to be removed. Comments? mAttlobster. (hello) 19:21, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Thank you Chuck Norris!

It's noce to know that you have endorsed me! User:Mr.Twisty69

Chuck Norris & NCIS

If Gibbs ever sat across from Chuck Norris while inside the interrogation room, they would both walk out laughing after five minutes and offer to take Ziva out for dinner.

DarkArcher25 05:16, 14 June 2009 (UTC)

Chuck Norris: Geography

Chuck norris knows EXACTLY where uzbekistan is.

If Chuck ever uses the word 'incandescent' out of context, everyone within 300 yards will have their heads asploaded.

Whenever Chuck Norris uses, or even thinks, the word bunny, Vin Deiesel gets a headache equivilant to having your head smashed in with lithuania

Gr33nmag1k 01:22, 13 march GMT

machete time!

wow. the most revisions out of any page on all of uncyclopedia. i am going to hack the belgium out of this article, because, upon reading it, one out of every five or so entries is actually funny. but there's no reason for it to be 60 kB long. please line up in an orderly fashion and commence whining below. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 17:47, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Nicely done! mAttlobster. (hello) 18:48, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

thanks. i actually had a few ideas while hacking away so i think i'll give it a full facelift and see if i can get it moved to the mainspace, rather than languishing in chuck norris-space. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:55, 6 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Hey, congratulations on maintaining the unfunniest article here. A random chuck norris facts website is actually has much of the same jokes, so hey, it's at least as funny as they are, right?--Atamette 02:22, August 25, 2011 (UTC)

No, congratulations to you, for coming to the unfunniest article here, and editing it to make it less funny. That really must have taken some effort. mAttlobster. (hello) 11:32, August 25, 2011 (UTC)

Chuck Norris ?

Has THE Chuck Norris seen these FACTS? Aliens are in love with me (talk) 06:53, 17 July 2023 (UTC)