Scrambles the Death Dealer

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Scrambles The Death Dealer

Doppler Radar of 'Scrambles' which made landfall as a Category 5 storm

Formed 6 June, 2008
Dissipated 9 June 2008
Highest winds 358 MPH
Damages $987,342,874,000 (USD)
Fatalities 6,987,000
Areas affected Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Quebec
Part of the
The 2008 Atlantic Hurricane Season

Scrambles the Death Dealer, or as it is known in more feminine circles by its cuter name, simply Scrambles, was the 3rd named storm of the 2008 Hurricane Season. It made landfall in the state of Florida approximately at 11 PM local time on 8 Junw, 2008. This Hurricane is responsible for destroying most of the State of Florida and for getting its elected governor, Nathan Explosion, to leave. Florida was left in such a state of looted and destroyed abysmalness, Florida has since fallen into anarchy and is no longer considered a member of the United States. Scrambles the Death Dealer is responsible for the largest loss of life ever associated with a single storm system. The hurricane was responsible for over $900 Billion in damage across the South. It also had the highest recorded sustained winds of any hurricane. Ever. In fact, it was debated whether a separate category 6 distinction should be given to the storm because it was just so strong fucking brutal.

Naming the Hurricane[edit]

The Florida Weather Bureau has always been tasked with naming hurricanes since they cannot destroy them or knock them off course with their non-existent weather machines. At the time the hurricane was forming, Florida had fallen into a state of complete chaos and crime. Many citizens had either moved away or had been murdered. Many political scientists attribute this to former Florida Governor Nathan Explosion and his policies while in office. Because of this, Governor Explosion had nothing better to do with his Saturday and ventured down to the bureau with his advisers after failing to raise tax revenues by performing with his band, Dethklok. Upon hearing of the hurricane's existence and the Bureau's inability to destroy it, Governor Explosion was given the opportunity and special honor of naming it. After pondering thoughtfully for a few seconds, Governor Explosion suggested: "hrrrr, How about...ugh... Scrambles. Scrambles the ughh... the Death... Dealer." Thus Scrambles was named and its colossal killing spree began. and teddy bears rose out of the ground and started eating everybody.... dead.


The storm slammed into the East coast of Florida and immediately killed just about everyone within 100 miles of the seashore. A giant tsunami followed and wiped away just about every structure and body along the coast. Scrambles dumped nearly a foot of rain onto Florida as it passed over and ripped people who were unlucky enough to be outside exposed to the winds apart. After pretty much killing anyone who wasn't already dead from months of looting, Scrambles moved on to Alabama and Mississippi. The same story unfolded as it turned north. By the time Scrambles had centered itself over these two states it had barely reached category 4 status. It destroyed many trailer parks and eventually downgraded to category 3 as it reached the border of Tennessee. It rapidly lost steam and became a tropical storm as it entered Virginia and Kentucky and eventually turned into a regular thunderstorm. Interestingly enough, Scrambles also became the first sentient weather pattern. As it crossed over the great lakes and into Quebec, it instantly upgraded itself to Category 5 again and preceded to kill as many French Canadians as possible. once it crossed back out of Quebec, it instantly shrank back into a thunderstorm and caused very little damage.


The storm caused a catastrophic amount of damage and loss of life in the state of Florida, mostly due to the fact that the government was no longer functioning at all. The emergency broadcast system had been completely looted the week before, so nobody knew of the impending storm, except for the governor, his advisers, and the Weather Bureau. This unimaginable event led to the governor's resignation by default (he quit) and Florida ceased to be a state and is now no longer considered a part of the United States. The Road Warrior is inspired by true events that happened in Florida between the years 2008 and 2009.