Scally Santa
 | This article may be Overly British |
Scally Santa (born UK, 25 December 1967) is Father Christmas's rebellious son, originally employed by Santa's Toy Shop to acquire various items to be distributed on Christmas Eve. In recent years, however, he has become a vigilante, having been disowned by his father following (as yet unproven) allegations of theft and violence.
Conception and Birth[edit | edit source]
Scally was conceived to an unknown mother in a brothel on the Wirral near Liverpool on Christmas Day 1967 during the 'Winter of Love'. The incident is one of the few known cases of miracle conception in which the child is born in the minutes following intercourse: other notable examples of such phenomena being Jebus, Elvis and Santa Claus himself. Details of Scally's birth are scant, as Santa Claus refuses to speak of incidents of this nature. That, and the fact he would have anybody who questions this banished to the Centre of the Earth.Scally likes to SUCK COCK
Time at Santa Toys Inc.[edit | edit source]
From the age of eight, Scally Santa was employed by Santa's Toy Shop as an intensive labour worker, manning the conveyor belt production lines alongside the elves. In return for 22-hour workdays, Scally was given a small outhouse with a pile of bricks in which to sleep. By the age of seventeen, however, he had grown weary of the constant workload and lack of money, and bacame a liability to the organisation, falling asleep on the job almost daily. For this reason, Scally was made redundant by Santa Claus in 1984 with no severence pay and nowhere to live.
Hardened and made bitter by the hardships which he faced working for Santa, Scally roamed the country lanes slept rough on the cold streets of Lapland for six years, living mainly off reindeer excrement and melted brown snow. Constantly prodded at and goaded by children on the way to visiting Santa's workshop, Scally lived on the fringe of society as a bastard outcast.
Life as a hobo[edit | edit source]
Scally's salvation came 1990, when he decided something must be done to improve his situation. Drawing on his knowledge of his time at Santa's workshop, Scally broke into the reindeer storage pen situated at the rear of the Santa Toys Inc. building. Weilding a blunt knife acquired from his travels, Scally coldly, calculatedly and brutally murdered Rudolf, Santa's most reliable deer, acquiring in the process his ability to fly and disappear at will by consuming the deceased Rudolph's blood.
It is at this point in Scally Santa's life that details become sketchy, filled in only by eyewitness accounts of disgruntled victims, the reliability of which is questionable. Using his new found powers, Scally returned to the country of his birth in search of his biological mother, so it is thought. Utilising his ability to disappear, it is theorised that Scally proceeded to steal food from expensive restaurants and local chip shops in order to survive.
Today[edit | edit source]
It is not know exactly the whereabouts of Scally Santa at this point in time. However sightings of mysterious, suddenly disappearing red Burberry wearing miscreants have been reported as far afield as Hong Kong. It is most likely, however, that Scally currently resides in Greenland. Evidence for this lays in the council flat which has mysteriously appeared in Nuuk, the country's capital, and an adjacent garage containing considerable numbers of bicycles, lawnmowers and VCRs.
It is rumoured that Scally Santa insists on travelling to his birthplace of Britain each day in order to retrieve 'unwanted' 'Christmas presents', before selling them on to others at 'knockdown prices' in a modern-day Robin Hood scenario.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
To this day, Santa Claus has vehemently denied any knowledge of Scally Santa: his existence has never been scientifically proven. However millions of his clients around the globe beg to differ, with customers unsatisfied at the quality of his service quick to dismiss the 'non-believers', citing the shoddy merchandise as conclusive proof of Scally's existence.
See Also[edit | edit source]
External Links[edit | edit source]
| Enjoy their presents, and rejoice their jolly names. If you are still confused about which one you want, you were probably much better off with Original Santa. | |
| Future Santa: AKA The Ghost of Christmas Future | Save yourself from Robot Santa! |
| Black Santa: (Insert a racist joke here) | The kids' most loved bishop:Eurosanta |
| Satan Claus: He sees you when you're sleeping ... | ... and if you thought one was enough:Satan Clause |
| Scally Santa: UK's most beloved guy. | The father of all Santas: Father Christmas |
| If you are still unsatisfied with these Santas, you can always check out even ... | |
| More Santas | |
|---|---|