Mudskipper

Here is what a typical mudskipper looks like.

“Those things are fugly.”

~ Captain Obvious on mudskippers

Mudskippers, (Periophthalmus sp.) are fully aquatic, carnivorous, paedophilic fish that were created by Satan to destroy everyone. It is said that the idea came to Satan when he chose Mudkip as his starter on Pokémon but was heartbroken when it was killed by the first gym leader. Distraught, and having serious thoughts about his life, he went on a luxury holiday to Barbados where he met with his associate Piers Morgan. Together, they created a prototype Mudskipper, and following investment from Peter Jones on Dragon's Den, they put Mudskippers into production. They usually live in tropical places such as Africa and Asia, where they prey on Negros, asians, and visiting tourists. Because they were created by Satan, they have no soul what so ever and therefore, unfortunately, live forever, unless a Mexican tries to keep one. This is why I don't recommend you go to places like Africa and Asia, but also because you might get AIDS, therefore, you should never even think of going there in the first place, just like Mexico.

Description

Here is what a mudskipper looks like when it dies.

Mudskippers are fugly, soulless and large fish that are always horny . They grow really big, but nobody cares how big they grow. Mudskippers commonly reach a small length of 500 feet. The largest one recorded was 976 feet long, and it dined on little kids, mostly Mariah Carey's 7,000 babies. Mudskippers usually have big, red eyes that shoot semen lasers out at their prey. They also have usually, pale, dry, skin and really sharp teeth that they use to kill pond whales for no reason. Maybe because its fun. It's always fun to kill pond whales. They're so stupid. It's always so funny when pond whales get killed. Ha. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Ha. Hahahaha. Haha. Ha.

Ha.

Mudskippers also have massive 29 mile long cocks that they use to buttfuck emo 14 year old boys. Normally, when mudskippers are alive, they smell terrible, have pale, moldy skin, never move, and attract flies. When they are dead, they have nice colored skin, are under 6 inches, move around a lot, and look as if they are eating. People with great imaginations think that these mudskippers are not dead, but those people are fucking retards that nobody likes. It has been said that every time a mudskipper dies, our world becomes a better place. That one time I saw a mudskipper, it was 6969 miles long and tried to fuck me for some reason. It felt good though. I also once saw another mud skipper fighting each other and then I realized it wasn't fighting, it was fucking. I decided to take off my clothes and join them. Then every single of the satan mudskippers tried to fuck me at once. I recommend it.

The life cycle of a mudskipper

A mudskipper during mating season.

Mudskippers begin their long, terrible lives as little, wormlike things that look like penises. Then they worm their way up a pregnant female's vagina where they munch on the developing fetus. They take the place of the baby and stay in the uterus for nine months. They have been doing this to humans ever since they first evolved. After the nine months are done, the mudskipper comes out of the mom and resembles what humans think is a baby. But its not a baby.

Here are (but deadly) Indian Mudskippers, (Periophthalmus novemradiatus) These are in their second stage of life.

Well, anyways, after that stage of their life, they morph into a cute, (but deadly) 6 inch creature that has the ability to crawl on land. This part of their life is not to be confused with what happens when they die. This stage of the life cycle of mudskippers is really familiar with skilled fish keepers who are interested in keeping exotic fishes that you are too fucking stupid to keep alive of for more than ten days. AND IM TALKING TO YOU, <insert name here>. AND YOU ONLY. (god dammit, why do I keep going off topic in this shitty article, this article is about mudskippers, not you. I need to keep this magnificent article on topic, and I need your help. Will you please help me? Please?)

....

Here is a picture of a really happy mudskipper. When this picture was taken, he was getting a blowjob and a handjob from a group of hot ten year old lesbians.

Ummmm, continuing with our lesson on mudskippers, at this stage, they are most likely to be kept as pets by professional fish keepers. It is at this part of their life when they become sexually mature, but ironically enough, it is impossible to breed them in captivity, therefore, they are usually wild caught, which is why you can also find released mudskippers in America and Japan as well. Usually they remain in this stage for as long as 5 years and then, they "die". If you notice carefully if you keep a "dead" mudskipper, it isn't actually dead, but in fact, transitioning into another stage of its life. This stage can be cut short if you are a retard who is keeping a mudskipper.

At this final stage of the mudskipper's life the mudskipper walks out of the tank in the middle of the night, increases in size by at least 79 feet, and goes to the bottom of the sea during the day and crawls onto land during the night to rape and eat people such as Kim Possible, You, Your mom, Your dad, and everyone else while they sleep. EVERYONE ELSE. This is also how they reproduce. They rape people during their sleep, their eggs stay in those poor people, and they come out to make more mudskippers! YAAAAY!!!! They continue their lifestyle like this until they get touched by a mexican, which is why many mudskippers die really quickly during this part of their life. Mudskippers are so retarded. Just like the pond whales we talked about earlier. Ha. Hahahahahaha. Ha. hahahahaha. Ha.

Mudskippers and Humans

Mudskippers and humans don't get along with each other.

What Mudskippers Are Responsible For

• 9/11 - Thats right folks! Mudskippers were indeed responcible for 9/11. That guy in that awesome plane that crashed into the Twin Towers was actually a mudskipper in a really clever Sand Nigger costume! Hooray!
• AIDS - Mudskippers also invented this really nice and totally easy to cure disease known to everyone as AIDS!
• Slavery - About 400 years ago, mudskipper fish wanted something to torture and sell, and therefore, they started capturing africans and selling them too. And they made lots of money! LOTS OF IT.
• Soulja boy - Yes, I even blame mudskippers for the creation of this fucking nigger that needs to go to hell overrated rapper we all know as Soulja Boy!
• Everything bad in the world - Mudskippers are to blame for everything bad in the world-From Goatse to Encyclopedia Dramatica to youtube to myspace. You name it!
• Racism - It might be hard to wrap your mind around, but Mudskippers are the reason I felt the need to lash out with hateful slang while describing such individuals as Soulja Boy!

Summary on mudskippers

If you see a mudskipper, fucking shoot it in the neck. Or at least get a redneck to do the job.

See also

• Fish
• Africa
• Frog
• Ren and Stimpy
• Mudkip