Luke Warm

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Luke warm)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Luke Warm in front of his lesser know invention, chain. You think we're that advanced to take a picture of temperature?

Luke Warm (1743 - 1776) was an English inventor and failed entrepreneur. Renowned for his invention of the Luke Warm temperature and his failure in copyrighting it, leading to his bankruptcy. Even to this day, many people around the world are using his temperature without paying any use charges. Which is fair enough really, stealing is the way to go.

History[edit | edit source]

Born to a middle class family on the 14th March 1743, he attended a small school just outside his home town. It was at this school, in his last year, where he first came up with the idea that would get him the most famous. For many years he had been given food that was just too hot, leading him to making a complaint to the local village hall.

With added funding from his family (he was an only child, very spoilt) he managed to gain privileges from the school lunch room to have his food prepared at a "Luke Warm" temperature. This allowed him to eat his food exceptionally fast to go out and get indigestion; the other students wanted in.

It was then when Warm first realised he was on to something and after he had got off the toilet, he sought his dad for help.

Expansion[edit | edit source]

It was felt needed by Warm that anyone that was using his temperature needed by law to pay him use charges. In order to enforce this he based his ideas on the Police Force, he got together some drop outs, trained them poorly, and paid them little to enforce a law across the south of England. He thought that nothing could go wrong.

It soon came apparent that this didn't work though, they couldn't stop people using the temperature at all. To heat things up, they had to go past Warm's temperature and when it cooled down, they had to go past Warm's temperature. Moreover, with everyone using it, it was impossible to tax everyone. Historians suggest that he could have just taxed everyone, even if they don't use the thing they are paying for; much like how people pay health insurance today, knowing that they're never going to see that money when they die anyway.

Other inventions[edit | edit source]

Chain[edit | edit source]

The Chain. In all its glory. Real chains are not this colour. Well, some might be.

Created by accident while trying to promote his temperature, Warm needed something to hang a banner by and the only thing that was handy was metal washers that he was able to obtain from the docks. Interlinking them after 2 days of hard work, he was able to hang the banner, but soon the people started noticing this rather than the temperature. This does figure though, how exactly was he showing his temperature off?

Friend: "You know what, that chain is amazing."
Warm: "It is. But, we don't care about that right now, what do you think of this temperature?"
Friend: "Well, it's not bad. But I've used that exact temperature before. It's a great temperature to eat food at."
Warm: "So wait, I've been eating food at burning hot temperatures all my life? Why didn't you tell me?"
Friend: "We found it funny, I guess."

It was at this point in his life that Warm realised he had set his heart in something wrong, accidentally dropping his pig-heart-lunch in a puddle. While picking it up he realised he had been doing the wrong thing with his life. He finally realised it was impossible to try and charge people for doing something they can't help doing. This however didn't catch on to record companies 250 years later, Limewire anyone?

Suicide[edit | edit source]

The gun that Warm used to kill himself. Well, not the gun, but you get what I mean.

At 33 years of age Warm was bankrupt, him and his family were living in an old barn at the back of a rich farm. The chain idea had been stolen from him, he had no way of enforcing "temperature tax" and he had no where to go.

At 4am March 23rd Warm took his life on top of the barn roof using a shotgun. In his suicide note he left a long message to his family about why he did it and where he went wrong during his life. The last line of the note was, "I've caused you enough trouble, I've got you in enough debt. I don't want to drag you down more. I've decided to take the easy way out, rather than get back on my feet and work my way up to the top again."

It was reported that his wife's reaction was a calm one, but was angry at the fact that he had to do it on the top of the barn and Aunt May was on her way round for tea. May was ever so scared of headless body.

Notable Admirers[edit | edit source]

“I'd tap that.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Luke Warm.

See Also[edit | edit source]