Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky is a poem written in collaboration with Lewis Carroll, C S Lewis, Lewis Hamilton, King Louis-Philippe of Iran, Lou-Lou and Anonymous. You can read it here.

History

The meaning and purpose of this poem is not fully understood. Many believe that the majority of this poem is a metaphorical representation of medieval Russia while many literalists believe the entire state of affairs genuinely took place. However, according to the diary entries of Anonymous and Lou Lou on the 27th May 1763 the entire group of poets met up for a session of writing and drug taking.

“It was just a bit of a laugh. We got down to some serious poetry; you know, the really hardcore stuff. So what if there were a few pills and potions involved? A nibble of mushroom here and snuffle of powder there can do no more harm than a sleeping lamb.”

~ C S Lewis, who later died of a hallucinogen-related condition

According to the poets, the plot synopsis and the poem's made-up unrecognisable complex language is nothing to do with the hallucinogens ingested that evening.

Translation

The large majority of sane people don't understand a word of the actual poem; however, scientists have discovered a way to decipher the incomprehensible text by translating it into Japanese using an online translating website and back into English, thence Word:

gyre and the betting of toe wages of the calculation of Twas of the and training Osamu place were done: The woman whose everything is young was brogues, and as for rut/rat of pantomime you resent.

"My son of Jabberwocky be careful! The jaw which you bite, the nail which is caught! The bird of Jujube be careful, avoid violent Bandersnatch!"

He took the sword of that virus of labor assistant: The enemy of Manxwomen which long time he pursues. Therefore with the wood of the tutu, him making go to bed, and being for a while raised to thought.

And, in offish thought the way he stood, Jabberwocky of the eye of the flame, it comes and passes by the [teyuru] wood and blows lightly, sound was raised and as that!

One and 2! One and 2! And the blade of the virus went giggle the food completely lightly! As for him it died to that, it left the head and as for him walking through sound it did.

"And, did you murder Jabberwocky? You come to my arm, my beamish boy! 'The frabjous day of O! Callooh! [orandakaiu]!' he laughed loudly with that joy."

gyre and the betting of toe wages of the calculation of Twas of the and training Osamu place were done; The woman whose everything is young was brogues, and as for rut/rat of pantomime you resent.

Alternate translation

Filtered from every language available on Google Translate:

Ground or emotional.

Price: Pete.

Shoes tune.

Angry parents, poor.

The son of a mouse.

The nature of the iron!'

Ready for flu treatment.

Crazy Drive!

Karl Friday.

We work for the enemy.

Game.

I began to think.

All.

Fire-starter.

Windows Bush.

Papa!

A second dog! A second dog!

Word offshore fat dessert!

E.

But if ...

Call me!

In the hands of my children, thank you expected!

Hi! Fight! Internet!

Thanks for listening.

It said happy dust.

Beams and games; worldwide low; angry young lady.

A pair of sixty-four-year-old toves, still slithy after their honeymoon

Just words

To help readers fully understand this poem, here is a list of definitions for the made-up unrecognisable complex words:

• Brillig (adj.) To be brillig is to have a pungent fragrance.
• Slithy tove (n.) A tove is a species of bipedal frog (Croakus croakinius) that has adopted many human behavioural patterns.
• Gyre (v.) To gyre is to peel off flaking sunburnt skin, as from one's genitals.
• Gimble (v.) A bicycle chain typically connects pairs of them.
• Wabe (n.) A small burrow in which warthogs reside. In this context, however, it is thought to be a metaphor for a large dwelling in which a number of people reside.
• Mimsy (adj.) Desperate, as in randy, sexually aroused, turned on, hormonally excited, erect. Horny, as it were.
• Borogove (n.) Upgrades for this large three-legged bionic chicken – such as jetpacks and flamethrowers – are available here.
• Mome rath (n.) A reptilian squirrel-man that frequently undertakes the act of bestiary (sex with animals).
• Outgrabe (v.) To undertake bestiary.

“Every man who lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death.”

~ Exodus 22:19

“Neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto ... it is confusion.”

~ Leviticus 18:23

The Jabberwock, with three of its four heads visible

• Jabberwock (n.) Sometimes called the Jobberwack, the Jackerwobb, the Wackerjobb, the Wockerjabb, the Wobberjack or the Moose, the Jabberwock is a large mammal with devastating strength. It resembles a walrus with a walrus's head in its mouth with a snake's head in its mouth with an ant's head in its mouth.
• Jubjub bird (n.) A seagull.
• Frumious (adj.) Just plain mean, e.g. Adolf Hitler.
• Bandersnatch (n.) A demonic angel-sheep with a ready-made quilt instead of wool, a bandersnatch typically spends its day stealing toffee from small children. Bankers are for later (dessert).
• Vorpal sword (n.) Contrary to popular belief, this is not pronounced "soared" (as in flew right into that stone) but phonetically: swore-ed. A Vorpal sword is a powerful handgun. The name derives from a man named Vorpal who promised a fairy he would not swear lest he be turned into a gun. Unfortunately, Vorpal swored (hence the name) and was turned into one for eternity.
• Manxome (adj.) Sexually attractive due to long hair.
• Tumtum Tree (n.) An anagram of "mute mutter", oddly enough, is one of the only species of its kind that can talk. Its mutters, however, are anything but muted.
• Uffish (adj.) Lewis Hamilton claims this was a misspelling of the word huffish meaning sullen or moody.

A bandersnatch. If you see one on your street call the National Bandersnatch Extermination line (800-ROAST-LAMB).

• Whiffle (v.) To whiffle is to trudge slowly and miserably. Whiffling is usually undertaken by a man who has just lost his wife, job, car, house and beer.
• Tulgey (adj.) When something is tulgey it is said to be making a noise like that of a pigeon.
• Burble (v.) Move slowly. So as. To not. Be noticed.
• Vorpal Blade (n.) Contrary to popular belief, this is not pronounced "blayed" (particicipially shaven, as with a razor) but spoken phonetically: blad-eh or bladder. A vorpal blade is a powerful explosive projectile. The name derives from a man named Vorpal who promised a fairy he would not swear lest he be asploded. Unfortunately, Vorpal swore and he did asplode. His bladder flew across the floor and landed at the feet of the fairy and asploded in her face, killing her instantly.
• Snicker-snack (n.) The sound an onomatopoeia makes when it asplodes.
• Galumph (v.) To galumph is to lollop or run like a spaz.
• Slay (v.) To have slain something is Ye Olde English for having raped ... something.
• Beamish (adj.) Smiling, as when recently bedded. Or been good in bed.
• Frabjous (adj.) Ibid.
• Callooh! Callay! (n.) "Callooh! Callay!" is German for "Well, I'll be honest with you. I didn't think you'd come back in one piece so I've already sold your DVDs and the Wii. If you're gonna be still living in this house you'll have to sleep on the sofa. I've lent your room out to this funny looking unemployed man who stopped by seeking sanctuary. Said his name was Tony Blair and he used to be famous. I don't suppose you've heard of him?" In the same way as this large piece of text can be squeezed into two German words – by saying "Jabberwock Schnee-Schnee Tra-la-la!" – you can recite the entire poem in German in less than four seconds.
• Chortle (v.) To chortle is to get so excited and hyperactive that a little bit slips out into one's underwear.

Errors

Let's face it; the poets made some serious mistakes in this piece. The poem is called "Jabberwocky" but the protagonist only meets "a jabberwock". In all fairness to the patronized readers, these words are entirely different, as a jabberwocky looks nothing like a four-headed walrus-walrus-snake-ant. Also, how could a slithy tove possibly peel skin off their genitals and put a bike chain back on the gears at the same time? As well as this, how could a borogove (which is robotic and therefore has no emotions or feelings) be horny? And another thing: why the fuck does he take his Vorpal sword and end up using a Vorpal blade? I could sit here all day typing rhetorical questions into this article but I'll leave you to find more preposterous, ridiculous, outrageous, unbelievable, absurd, laughable, silly and outlandish ideas on your own.

Sequels

Four sequels of this poem have been written by the same group of poets with the special guest inputs of Spring-Heeled Jack, Kermit the Frog, Top Cat and Mary Poppins. Claims that Osama Bin Laden contributed are believed to be wide of the mark. They are as follows:

• Slithy Tove Mary: Jubjub Bird Slayer A slithy tove named Mary Magdalene sets out on a quest but disaster ensues.
• Out To Catch The Bandersnatch Tony Blair leaves the house of the original poem's hero and encounters the biggest collection of toffee ever set eyes upon, but disaster ensues.
• Disaster Ensues The Jabberwock's mum goes out one day hoping disaster will ensue but all goes swimmingly.
• The Boy Who Murdered His Dad Because He As-Good-As Kicked Him Out Of The House And Would Rather Live With The Ex Prime Minister Than His Own Son All about a boy who, presumably still unshaven, murders his dad because he as-good-as kicked him out of the house and would rather live with the ex prime minister than his own son.

More from these poets

The six poets did not write any further work after the sequels (but continued taking drugs) so this section is a waste of time, space, money and time. And space.