An Infidel (Arabic: كافر, <kāfer>, translating into atheist or coffee) is merely somoneone unfaithful to what they claims to believe in, or simply a non-Muslim, or a Muslim that pissed off al-Qaeda by not being Islamistic enough, or somebody that is faithful to what they claim to believe in, except that they don't believe in Islam or in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. If they do good things, it's to get attention (in other words , a hypocrite with no moral principles). In spite of all that, this term is often used by hypocrites themselves because they like to point their fingers at people and call them hypocrites or infidels as well just because they don't share the same beliefs as THEM! Truth is everyone is an "infidel" in some sense or atleast acts like one. Unless they are Fidelitous to Islam.
What the hell is an infidel?[edit | edit source]
Unless you believe that there is no God but Allah(whose last name is not Ackbar) and that Mohamed(PBUH) is his prophet (and not a professional wrestler), and that they are under Al-Tabullah(neither Allah or Muhammad(Pbuh) must be drawn or painted or described or talked about as anything other the only God and his Prophet(pbuh!) respectively) then you are an infidel. An infidel is anyone who is not a Muslim, which makes 9 out of 11(about 81%) of the world, which is the proportion of World Trade Center matter the Fidels destroyed on September 11 by crashing several stolen "planes". Infidels are generally fat, loud, sunburnt, white, stupid, obnoxious, capitalistic, and American. Most of them worship the Christian God, which is a very good reason to hate them. This is because the Christian God and Allah are not the same guy with a Fake Moustache. Anyway, any contact with an infidel, especially a Christian, should be avoided at all costs, as it might wash off on you. If this occurs, it is recommended that you
- Wash infected area throughly
- Shoutː "BLASPHEMYǃǃǃ" at the infidel
- Burn a flag of the nationality of your infidel.
- Take a sand bath to wash away infidelity
- Suicide bomb something
- Move to a small cave
- Watch Who's the boss?
- Kill nearby infidels by planting a suicide bomb in them
- Use TV to spread the truth that Infidelity, like Communism, is a bunch of pig crap no better than garbage".
- Burn anti-Islamic works like Jahannam(the Muslim hell).
- Ask the infidels who Iblis allowed to survive math questions. This is because Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful, wanted them to get an idea of the consequences of sin so they'll be scared of it and convert to Islam.
The only thing worse than an infidel is a pig. To touch one is to be damned to an eternity of suffering in a burning-hot place with no hot women, otherwise known as The Middle East. Infidels are a dastardly breed, and will stop at nothing to trick you out of your rightful place with 72 virgins in Paradise. You must never allow yourself to be hoodwinked, and you must constantly be on the alert. Check your InfidarTM. every five minutes, just to make sure no infidels sneak up on you from behind. They're rather good at that.
How to spot an infidel[edit | edit source]
Generally, living in the middle east, you will not encounter infidels. This is because Allah the merciful, the compassionate, the loving, has set apart the sandiest, hottest, most uncomfortable place on earth for his chosen people. Occasionally however, you may spot one purchasing oil for his nation, America. A way to know if the man you see is an infidel, is to look for...
- White skin
- Blond Hair
- Enjoyment of bacon.
- Even more easily pissed off than you
- Lack of turban
- Enjoyment of bacon.
- Lack of sand
- Lack of suicide bomb
- Crucifix necklace
- Enjoyment of bacon.
- Yell "Allāhu Akbar" and see who ducks
Why infidels are despised[edit | edit source]
The infidel is a despised being, and has been throughout all of history, except by these traitors who allowed Jews and Christians, and fellow Abrahamics to keep their religion. There is nothing they can do to change this, save convert and come into the infinite mercy of Allah, the compassionate, the merciful, the car-bombing. Only in this way can they be saved from eternal prodding by bad things. The despising of infidels began in 1347. On that day, an infidel sat in a theater amongst many Muslims, watching Munich. This infidel had seen the movie before, and was taking the liberty of explaining very loudly to the theater the events that were about to unfold. Had he seen it coming, he might have been able to see the vengeful wrath of the many Muslims in the theater, but he did not. However, this one death was not enough to satisfy the Muslims, followers of merciful Muhammed, and so they decided to make it their eternal mission to kill every infidel on earth. However, owing to their technological backwardness, they have failed miserably throughout history.
Some famous infidels[edit | edit source]
- Justin Bieber
- Ronald McDonald
- Hank Aaron
- Tom Cruise
- Karl Marx
- Oscar Wilde
- Abdullah Al-Sadr (He knows what he did.)
- Salmon Rushdie (May he die a thousand deaths)
- Nick Berg
- Luke Skywalker
- Rod Stewart
- White people
- Jimmy Dean
- You (كافر)
- Barbra Streisand
- Everyone in this planet
- Osama bin Laden and his group Al-Qaeda (failed to kill every infidel)
- Osum Bin Adden and his group Al-Gebra (for plagiarising from Al-Qaeda, a group of devout Muslims yet who are not Muslim enough for us.)
Only famous fidel[edit | edit source]
Suspected fidels[edit | edit source]
- Fidel Nadal, a bearded hobo/cannibal/fidel
- Fidel Ruestro, it is unknown whether he is in fact an infidel because if you google him, everything that comes up is in Spanish.
- Fidel Itee
- Fidel Edwards- the West Indies quick ball-licker