HowTo:Write an Uncyclopedia page

Alright, let's say that you want to write an Uncyclopedia page. Let's also say, for the sake of argument, that you want the article you write to be featured. Luckily for you, there are multiple paths to take, even if you have no clue where to start.

Step 1: Create an account

While this step is optional, not creating an account will expose your IP address. If your article is shitty enough, the consequences will forever be tied to your IP. It's also probably for the best to not have your IP address exposed on a site containing many, many, dick jokes, BUTT POOP!!!!, and whatever the fuck this is.

To do this, simply go here and follow the instructions on that page. I'm too lazy to list them. If you cannot figure those out, then any page that you create will probably end up looking like this.

Step 2: Choosing a topic

Alas, you have gotten past creating an account. Or you're not afraid of exposing your IP address. Now, you need to choose a topic to write an article on. 99% of featured articles fall into one of these categories. While you can make one not in any of these categories, it will almost definitely not get featured.

Nonsense

The classic! While complete nonsense does not guarantee a feature, it probably will get voted on somewhere. Observe this style in action:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA kjqeiiarkpoeinuarifsjhhvn u iaieriaookd vjsan m nh wioewojqendaalp qonansajdowakndbasgydwuaioldm jdaomwnamdvj iowk

Current events

This one is a bit risky. While writing an article tangentially connected to Donald Trump may keep it relevant for years, most will die the instant they fall off Template:RecentUnNews. As such, it is highly important that you post them to VFH as soon as possible. If done correctly, an article about some mildly relevant cultural event from whatever year you wrote the article in can be immortalized forever.

Penises

Penis penis Penis penis penis penis Penis penis. This is like a slightly more coherent and slightly less classic version of the nonsense article. For reasons unknown to even the most prestigious scientists, writing penis over and over again activates an innate part of the human brain that causes immediate laughter. Alternatively, you can write a coherent article about penises, but this is no more likely to get featured.

AI slop

Are you too lazy to write your own article? Then, just get AI to do it for you! Of course, the article will probably face deletion, but modern LLMs are able to churn out slop faster than humans can delete it! Eventually, someone will not notice, it'll get nominated for VFH, and you win.

A story built

January 2024 saw one of the most brilliant creations since the wheel: a story built one word at a time. Over 9000 people have contributed to this story. While you could also edit it, you can take your own piece of the pie. Since most of the ideas are already taken, you'll probably have to resort to something like a a story built one word at a time, but it alternates between odd-lettered and even-lettered words. Alternatively, you can just spam moccasins everywhere. Even if the article that you are writing has no relation to a story built one word at a time, moccasin spam is still needed.

Waiting for someone else

Well, what if you already have a topic, but are too lazy to write about it? The solution is simple: Just wait for someone else to! Uncyclopedia has thousands hundreds dozens around 2 articles submitted every day, so it'll happen. One day...

Step 3: Actually writing it

Since this is Uncyclopedia, it should probably vaguely resemble a Wikipedia article. Of course, it doesn't have to. Once the page is filled with dick jokes, moccasins, and 2005cruft, take that as a sign that you're done with it. Now, wait for someone to find it and appreciate it.