Great Cornholio
The Great Cornholio is the king of Bungholio. He needs teepee for his bunghole. Would you like to see his bunghole? There will be more bungholes after him. HE IS CORNHOLIO!! HE HATH NO BUNGHOLE. For there is but one bunghole, The Almighy Bunghole. There is no bunghole but Bungholio and Cornholio is his Prophet.
History of Cornholio[edit | edit source]
The Great Cornholio is the first king of Bungholio which capital is Lake Titicaca. (Titty! Ca-ca! Heheheheheheheheheheh.) Despite being called the Bungholian ruler, he ironically has no anuses (The same condition that afflicts the Republican Party). Tormented by this, Cornholio fell in a state of denial and convinced himself that he indeed had a bunghole. Believing that he had a bunghole needing to be wiped, he went on a grand quest to the United States in search for teepee. Under the alias of "Beavis", he lived among Americans with his devoted follower, Senior Butthead. When the time of ascension arrived, he traveled to Las Vegas, where he met an old woman who invoked the prophecy of the Almighty Bunghole.
She did this by giving Cornholio pills laced with Michael J. Fox's special blend of cocaine. With the power of over 9000 thousand bungholes pulsing through his body, he cut a swath of destruction through America. He Sabotaged Hoover Dam, Distracted the Feds, evacuated the White House, and prank called the Pentagon. His brilliant plan had the American government scrambling to recollect itself, and he snuck into the shrine that Bill Clinton had built for himself (don't act surprised) and stole the golden teepee that Bill used to soothe his many venereal diseases.
He then snaked his way outside, where he then went to whack-off in Rucka Rucka Ali's camper to celebrate. But the ATF thought he had some kind of devastating bomb, so they surrounded Cornholio. Cornholio paced around mumbling to himself and thought of a plan, he then disregarded said plan because thinking is for pussies. After reciting the chant of the Almighty Bunghole, Cornholio then tricked the ATF into thinking that they received the bomb. To trick the Feds, Cornholio wrote "X-5" on a small metal box in Sharpie, and the rest is history. Cornholio then went home, because he had to go to work the next day. Upon his return to Burger World, he was threatened by an INS agent (Federales) and was later deported to Mexico, and to Nicaragua. He soon escaped back into Nicaragua and would form the nation of Bungholio.
Cornholian Rites and Rituals[edit | edit source]
Soon after their visit to the United States, the Bungholian tribe, in order to honor their new king, changed their names to the Cornholians. They preceded to start a political party so that they could take over the US. That has no relevance, however. Anyway, new members of the tribe are required to show everyone the probes in their bunghole. After that, the Cornholian initiation ritual consists of a copious amounts of Jolt cola, NoDoze and cocaine to induce the proper state of mind, then listen to Middle-eastern chants, and watch large amounts of porn. The yearly Cornholian Christmas party is another interesting ritual. First is a feast consisting of demonically possessed turkey, evil eggs, and Brain Nog.
The Great Cornholian War[edit | edit source]
Soon, the Great Benewah, leader of the Le'onfantata tribe declared war on the Cornholians. Then it was discovered that Benewah's balls were inside the vagina of his wife, and he was then discredited as a leader and forced to step down, ending the war.
The war came as a heavy price for The Great Cornholio. He was assassinated on the streets of Bogota, Columbia by orders of Venezuelan Dickhed Hugo "My Ass Hurts" Chavez. His remains were never found and the streets are aways haunted at night with the spirit of one looking for teepee for his bunghole.he would then be brought back to life and he lives on today and still is king of bungholio.
Books by Cornholio[edit | edit source]
- The Search for T.P. (1988)
- Trick or Treat, You Son of a Bitch: A Cornholian Guide to the Harvest Holidays (1992)
- Moby Dick: Heheheheh! That's pretty cool! (2002)
Quotes[edit | edit source]
“I AM CORNHOLIO!”
“In Soviet Russia, teepee needs YOU!”
“I know that the human being and cornholians can coexist peacefully!”
“Get me teepee for my bunghole!”
“George Bush doesn't care about Cornholians”
“Are you threatening me?”
“He is from Nicaragua.”
“We are ALL bungholes!!!!!”
“I need PCP for my bunghole!!”
“You do not want to feel the wrath of my bunghole!!!!!”
“Do you any TP??”
“I think that Cornholio wants Tp. Hmmm...”