Ford Ranger

A Ford Ranger is a motor vehicle commonly known for having 5 wheels, a 3 ton towing capacity, completely insane drivers, and not much else.

History

The early Rangers had some issues.

One day, Henry Ford woke up and decided that humans weren't wasting enough diesel. That day he devised the Ranger—a vehicle so thirsty it has a massive tray hanging off the back so they can put an even massive-er fuel tank underneath.

The early Rangers

Tradies flocked to the early Rangers, despite their completely absurd fuel usage, for the Ute tray was useful for carting around all their tools. The efficiency of being able to just chuck crap in the back and drive off, whether at Bunnings or the bottle shop, is a great feature.

The NEW Rangers

Ford realized that such a vehicle was too good, so they adapted the the ranger into an emotional support vehicle.

Classification

As a vehicle, The Ranger is typically classified as a shopping trolley, although many toll roads classify it as a road train just so they can charge more for it.

Features

All Rangers come standard with the following equipment:

• Five wheels, despite only two of them being hooked up to the engine
• Five doors, for all your mates and crap
• CD player, just in case there's nothing on the radio
• A Ute tray, despite only half of Ranger owners using it, because the other half is worried about getting scratches in her
• Dual stubby holders, mounted under the steering wheel
• An ash tray, for the driver's fagends (Although some people say that most people use it for trees)
• Pee plates, which only 5% of Ranger drivers are allowed to remove
• An intense aura that causes all persons sitting in the driver's seat to become complete d*ckheads
• A tow ball, because without one it'd be difficult to claim on the glossy that it can tow 3 ton (no one actually uses these things for towing, however)

Freedom Edition

While Rangers are mostly found in countries without convicted felons running the place, due to yanks preferring harder drugs, the few rangers that can be found in the states have a couple additional accessories fitted by default:

• MAGA stickers
• Out-of-Hand drive conversion pack
• Random used bullet casings in every corner

Mental Hospital Edition

While not available from the dealer, Rangers which describe the mental state of the typical ranger driver are widely available. They typically include features such as:

• Mismatched lift kits for dat glorious Carolina squat
• 22-inch wheels with 0.1-inch tires
• Red or blue underglow, maybe wheel glow too
• Light bars everywhere
• Much More

When combined with the Freedom Edition, it may also include a back window completely covered in quotes from The Alex Jones Show, Fox News, The Flat Earth Society, or whatever other source of complete truth the owner subscribes to.

Anime Wraps are not compatible with Rangers. Cars optimized for such overpowering virginity include subarus, mitsubishis, and other jap-crap.

Ranger Drivers

Probably caused by a drunk Ranger driver which has since fled the scene.

Like with merks, beemers, Hondas, and electric vehicles, all Ranger drivers take a dealer-mandated course on terrible driving.

Unlike how Honda teaches all it's drivers to never go over one meter per second, beemer and merk teach their drivers to just drive terribly and never use the blinkers, and ev companies teach their drivers to use the Chinese road rules even though they're the complete opposite of your country's road rules, the Ford Ranger certification course teaches drivers that driving is about showing everyone you're a REAL MAN and that the road is YOUR TERRITORY. The methods available for this include road rage, installing and then abusing a train horn, speeding, and much more.

Comparison with other Utes

Metric (Compared to average)	Ford Ranger	Ram	Holden Ute
Drink driving rate	7x	8x	0.8x
Amount of cargo that can be carried	2x	0x	3x
Amount of fuel wasted	3x	5x	2x
Hooning capability	0.7x	0.5x	2x
Road rage incidents	4x	2x	0.8x

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This page will be re-checked on 9 April 2026, and if not improved will face deletion.

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