Food addiction

Addicts, addicts, everywhere.

Food addiction is a dangerous affliction that affects approximately 100% of all humans alive today, and 99.9% of all people who ever lived (with Abortion, Calista Flockhart, and Nicole Ritchie accounting for the other .1%).

It is characterized by symptoms such as hunger and stomach pains (withdrawal), food addiction is a serious condition that destroys the lives of those afflicted, leading to stress, vomiting, and annoying commercial advertisements. The majority of sufferers go so far as to get a job to support their habit.

First known case

The first known case of food addiction dates back to 140,000 BC, with the biblical tale of Adam & Eve. Not satisfied with the fruits provided to them by God in the Garden of Eden, Eve was tempted by the serpent (Satan) to eat the fruit of the forbidden tree. Bitch ate it and then gave some to Adam. As a result of their breaking God's law, Adam and Eve are expelled from the Garden of Eden, ceremonially separated from God, lose their immortality (Gen. 3.23) (the Fall of Man), and both receive a curse. Adam's curse is contained in Gen. 3.17-19: "Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the table for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field: In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread and Pringles..." (KJV).

Theories of causation

Genetics

A 40-year junkie falls off the wagon

It has been frequently noted that certain addictions "run in the family," and while researchers continue to explore the extent of genetic influence, many researchers argue that there is strong evidence that genetic predisposition is often a factor in dependency. The physical explanation may be attributed to an eaters' increased tendency to secrete insulin at the sight and smell of food, though medical evidence supporting this is controversial.

It's Yummy

Some researchers also attribute food addiction to the pleasant sensations of taste and smell that contribute to food's addictive nature.

Early influences

Studies also suggest that a child witnessing food addictive activity in their environment is 10,000²³³² more likely than children who do not witness this activity to develop food addiction later in life.

Fear of Death

Some sufferers cite a fear of death as the reason for their addiction, citing an old conspiracy theory about lack of food being tied to starvation. Those voicing this opinion make up the minority of food addicts, however.

Symptoms & Signs

An individual suffering from food addiction may demonstrate all or some of the following:

• Engaging in eating activity daily (3x or more a day characterizes intense addiction)
• Grazing or snacking between 'meals'
• Eating alone due to shame and embarrassment
• Feelings of guilt due to overeating
• Preoccupation with body weight
• Depression or mood swings
• Have obtained employment to support habit
• History of weight fluctuations (weigh much more now than when born)
• Sticky or salty fingers
• Withdrawal from activities because of embarrassment about weight
• History of many different unsuccessful diets

Recovery

Food addiction is treatable with counseling and therapy. Approximately 80% of sufferers who seek professional help recover completely or experience significant reduction in their symptoms. Many eating disorders are thought to be behavioral patterns stemming from emotional conflicts that need to be resolved in order for the sufferer to develop a healthy relationship with food. Like other eating disorders, food addiction is a serious problem and if left unchecked, can result in long life. However, with treatment, which should include talk therapy, medical and nutritional counseling, it can be overcome.

Famous Addicts

Keep praying for them...

• Rosie O'Donnell
• Queen Latifah
• Richard Simmons
• Frankie Valli
• John Scherer
• William Shatner
• Kirstie Alley
• Chris Christie
• <insert name here>
• Everyone else

Famous Recovered Addicts

Well-known celebrities who have successfully kicked the habit.

• Elvis Presley
• Princess Diana
• Marlon Brando
• Nicole Ritchie
• Michael Jackson
• Billy Mays
• Patrick Stump