Fat Spiderman
| Superhero | |
| |
| Fat Spiderman | |
| Classification | Superhero |
| Employment | Unemployed |
| Favorite Food | Anything fried and breaded |
| Last Shower Taken | describe "shower" |
Fat Spiderman is Spiderman's alter ego from a parallel universe. Originally born from a black widow named Susan, and a human named Uncle Ben. He was born on Mar. 5, 1963 at a healthy weight of 45 lb. 7 oz. (As is, a normal weight for the universe of fatness.) His parents soon left him at the foot of an orphanarium's front door steps. The next morning a nun opened the front door to the sound of a baby crying. And once the nun tried to pick him up, she ended up braking her back from his massive weight he had gained, just 3 weeks after being born.
Fat Spiderman became a superhero when his Aunt May was killed by Obese Green Goblin (who's skin is green because he ate too much copper), and he decided to stop the criminal by any means necessary. It was later discovered that the Obese Green Goblin didn't actually exist, and that Fat Spiderman had actually pushed Aunt May down the stairs in their lower middle class home, and made up the existance of the Obese Green Goblin to throw off the fuzz.
Fat Spiderman spent five years in prison for the murder of Aunt May (they let him off easy cause off his many years of fighting crime... even though he never actually did). When he got back, he re-began his crime fighting career (or rather started it for the first time, since it was originally a cover for Aunt May's death). Fat Spiderman's first victim criminal, he stopped turned out to be an old lady, who was only trying to get her cat out of a tree. Fat Spiderman assumed she was trying to harm the cat, and body slammed her into the ground. Fat Spiderman was then taken to court and sentenced to another seven years in prison.
Later Years[edit | edit source]
Eventually after being released a second time, Fat Spiderman took a job as a janitor at a New York middle school. He had put his crime fighting past behind him and began a new life. One day however, he witnessed something that would change his life... again. While mopping up the floors as he did every day, Fat Spiderman noticed a child being bullied. Spiderman was mistake though, as the child had only fallen down, and his fellow students kind as they were, decided to help him up. Believing that they were the ones who had caused him to fall, he quickly constructed a molotov cocktail and threw it at the children. Most of them burned to death in the fire, but one escaped and would became Fat Spiderman's sworn enemy. Doctor Squidward Octopussy.
Death of Fat Spiderman[edit | edit source]
Doctor Squidward Octopussy would concoct a plan to kill Fat Spiderman. Using a rubber band, a plunger, the wire from his mom's bra, and a tube of toothpaste (see MacGyver) he created a death machine capable of killing Spiderman. He called Fat Spiderman up on his cell phone (who had now gone back to crime fighting) and posed as a reindeer being mugged by a girl scout. He knew Spiderman couldn't resist the chance to beat the crap out of a little girl. Soon Spiderman arrived and Doctor Squidqard Octopussy activated his death machine. Through some unexplained series of events, Spiderman was killed on Feb. 14, 2014, and the world was safe from him "protecting them". At least for the time being.
Rebirth[edit | edit source]
After being killed by Doctor Squidward Octopussy, Fat Spiderman was sent to the Shadow Realm for all the terrible crimes he committed. After finding out that there were so many bad people and that it would take a eternity for his soul to be judged, Spiderman decided to slip out the back door and return to Earth. Once there, he crapped a cocoon, climbed inside, peeled off his skin, grew a new one, peeled that one off, then went to K-Mart and bought a new outfit. Just like that, Fat Spiderman was reborn. He then went back to his "crime fighting" ways and became the greatest hero the city had ever seen.
Final Death[edit | edit source]
During the summer of 2020, Fat Spiderman shattered his spider bone against the coffee table. He was rushed to the local hospital but doctors failed to treat him for his wounds because lets face it... everyone friggin' hates that guy. Spiderman would die 14 hours later after a surgeon thought it would be funny to cut off his web maker and see what was inside. Spiderman bled to death a few moments later.
Children[edit | edit source]
Fat Spiderman never had any children, though he really wished he did. One time he even had a dream that he did. But, he really didn't.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
Fat Spiderman's Legacy lives on even today. He proved that fat people can be even more of an annoyance than they previously were, and he inspired a whole new generation of obese super heroes. Some of which include but aren't limited to: Chronically Obese Batman, Supercubbyman, The Incredible Plump, The Pear-Shaped Four, Aquabellyman, and Ghost Lardo.