Expletive
“GO SUCK A SHITTING DICK NIPPLES!”
– Oscar Wilde on expletives
“[expletive deleted]”
– Richard Nixon on expletives
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
– Sameul L. Jackson on expletives
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your BLUMPKIN is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your contraband. RAT'S COCK
Complete Unabridged history of GIVING HEAD use[edit | edit source]
First usage[edit | edit source]
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age neurotically touched his PEDOPHILIA Audi and was so dissatisfied by the results that he lathered a CHOAD KISSER and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the uncivilized scream came the first swear word:
SHIT!!!!!!!
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their FUCKER mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of GANGBANG-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a suck my mothers for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages[edit | edit source]
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say PUNANI. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted SLOPE until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times[edit | edit source]
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody WETBACK tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some I VANDALIZED THE MAIN PAGE, do you savvy, you PUSSYS?"
Modern Profanity[edit | edit source]
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie WANKS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called BOB SAGET-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey BITCH, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real SIGMUND FREUD DESU arccosines on proper use of expletives[edit | edit source]
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive[edit | edit source]
Oftentimes, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- BONER!!!
- SCUMBAG!!!!!
The Direct Insult[edit | edit source]
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You PEEPEE!!!
- You FUCK!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions[edit | edit source]
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- titivate in DARTH VADER, you FUCKING BASEBALL!
- I hope you accentuate in BEAVER, you YOUR MOM!!
Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat[edit | edit source]
- This CUNT DICKHEAD will pass a slightly-below-average man up your POWERSHIT!!!
- This RAT'S ASS HOLY FUCK THAT MAN IS BURNING THE SHIT OUT OF HIMSELF! will fling a lumber up your ASSHOLE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat[edit | edit source]
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some HELL and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING crinkle a LSD up your CHIGGER!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity[edit | edit source]
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- SON OF A BITCH PISS OFF JERRY FUCKING A LARRY MOTHERFUCKING MOFFETT WANK POLACK!!
- NAZI RECTUM RAIDER SHIT PIG!!!
A bunch of SHITE[edit | edit source]
FUCK BALL JUGGLING COCKLOVER SHITHEAD PISS DIPSHIT FUDDADDUCKUDUCKUS SHIT JACK OFF DYKE GOOK SHITSLINGING I'LL RAPE YOU MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON A MOTHERFUCKING PLANE MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE DUMBASS NINE-AND-A-HALF INCHES JIGGABOO SHITFUCKER SHITE DELICIOUS CAKE GOOK YOU WANKER GO HOME AND DIE MOCKIE FUCKSTAIN SPUNK MASTURBATION GOD BLESS AMERICA BUKKAKE FUCK OFF FUCKSTAIN COCK DAMN COCKSUCKER GOD DAMMIT ANAL SHITBALLS BASTARD ASSWIPE FUCKTARD [EXPLETIVE] CHINK CARPET MUNCHER CHOAD SHITFUCKER CUNTRAG KIKE COCKGOBLIN SHITTY SCUMBUCKET CUNT NAZI RAT'S ASS LAKE TITICACA TITTYWANK DAMN DAMN CUNT WALRUS SHIT BELGIUM GOOK FUCKING VAGINA [expletive deleted] JESUS FUCKING CHRIST COCKSUCKER KNOBJOCKEY GO COUNT YOUR DICK SHITFUCKER ASS DIRTY SANCHEZ GO COUNT YOUR DICK THONG TASTER BALLS GOD DAMN SUCK MY COCK QUEEF CAPTAIN CRUNCH JACKASS SHITCUNTING I WILL END YOU! HAIL SATAN! FUCK CLIT BEAVER OSTRICH MY ASS BITCH SIGMUND FREUD MICK ASSHOLE BUGGER OFF BONER AMERICA ONLINE GOOK BOOBS TURD ASSHAT HAIL SATAN! CUNT FUDDADDUCKUDUCKUS WOMEN'S RIGHTS SHITSKIN ABO HORSE SHIT SCUMBAG BEAVERS
In Conclusion[edit | edit source]
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you RAT'S COCK.