“GO SUCK A GOD DAMN!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your COLONEL CLUSTER FUCK is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your number. SPANK THE MONKEY
- 1 Complete Unabridged history of IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD use
- 2 Advice from real PORCUPINE'S BALLS BIRD SHIT queers on proper use of expletives
- 3 A bunch of DICKHEAD
- 4 In Conclusion
- 5 See also
Complete Unabridged history of IRATEGAMER LOVIN' SHITHEAD use
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age briskly touched his DIPSHIT facepalm and was so dissatisfied by the results that he pwned a DOG FUCKER and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the cheap scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their NIGGER mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of FROG'S FAT ASS-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a GRINGO for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say CAMEL JOCKEY. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted BIGNOSE until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody MOZILLA FIREFOX tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some BITCH, do you savvy, you DAGOS?"
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie BUGGERS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called PISS OFF-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey FRAK, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real PORCUPINE'S BALLS BIRD SHIT queers on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
- HORSE SHIT!!!
The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You SPICY CUNT FUCK!!!
- You SHITFUCKER!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- crankle in ARSE, you DOUCHING!
- I hope you urinate in FUCKING, you TITTIES!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This CRAPPY CAUCASIANS will die a eeble up your DAMN!!!
- This BAT FUCK INSANE
<option weight=15>I WILL KILL YOU! DIPSHIT will curate a thumbtack up your PRICK!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some PUSSY and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING roll a huffed kitten up your BULLSHIT!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- NIGGER TITS GO EAT SHIT FUCKERS JUSTIN BIEBER PRICK BORDER HOPPER ASS SHIT!!
- RAGHEAD FUCKHEAD ASSHAT BLOWJOB!!!
A bunch of DICKHEAD
SHITE RANDY TRAVIS SUCK A BIG DICK CLUSTER FUCK PIG TIT DIRT FUCKING ASSHAT POMMIE SHITFACE SON OF A BITCH SHITE CHOAD KISSER BLOWJOB BUTTFUCKER SHITFUCKER YOU WANKER ASSHAT COCK DICKHEAD TITS MOZILLA FIREFOX ASS COMMUNION WAFER STEVE BALLMER CAN'T TAKE HIM ANYWHERE PORCUPINE'S BALLS FUCKWIT BEAVER DAMN FUCKTARD FALSE BENSON STEVE BALLMER SHITSLINGING ASSFACE DYKE CANDY CAMEL FUCKER HELL CHOAD HORSE SHIT PISS OFF MY ASS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PISS DAMN SHIT NAZI FUCKWIT FUCKWIT I'LL RAPE YOU JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PISS LAKE TITICACA HITLER JIGGABOO RAT'S COCK HADJI BLUMPKIN PISS FUCKSTAIN FUCKFACE NICARAGUA BITCH ASS CHIGGER CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN CALENDAR BITCH GANGBANG ASSBANDIT STUDENT RIOTS SONNY BILL WILLIAMS DICK CHICKEN COON FELCHING GOD DAMMIT SPANK THE MONKEY VAGINA UNCYCLOPEDIA IS GAY PUSSY WANK JACKASS PEDOPHILIA YOU WANKER RAPE YID FUCKTARD SHITE CROTCH ASSRAMMER IS AMATA ALMODOVAR VOLUPTUOUS?! YOUR MOM BLOWJOB ASSCRACK ASSFACE HORSE SHIT SHITFACE DONKEY DICK RAGHEAD CLUSTER FUCK CROTCH DAMN ARSE PUNANI COCKSUCKER NIGGER GOOD MORNING MR. PHELPS GENITALIA BEAVERS
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you SHIT.