“GO SUCK A AMERICA ONLINE!”
“I'm tired of these "expletives" on this "expletive" article!!”
The very concept of expletives is not something for the weak-minded. We advise you FUCK yourselves and proceed if your suck my mothers is very stable and emotionally mature. If you can't handle this, Wikipedia will gladly MOLEST your vandal. SHITFUCKER
- 1 Complete Unabridged history of PORCUPINE'S BALLS use
- 2 Advice from real BULLSHIT FUCK kitten chow meins on proper use of expletives
- 3 A bunch of JUNGLE BUNNY
- 4 In Conclusion
- 5 See also
Complete Unabridged history of PORCUPINE'S BALLS use
Since the dawn of time, man has wanted to vent his righteous frustration using non-violent means. For most of the BORING, REDUNDANT, UNINTERESTING, DULL, REPETITIVE, REDUNDANT, and UNEXCITING human history, this was never realized as man learned to use rocks and weapons for this purpose way before language was invented.
A breakthrough came when an unspecified caveman during the Neolithic Age quickly touched his BLOWJOB tooth and was so dissatisfied by the results that he advocated a SHITE and screamed REALLY FUCKING loudly, and out of the pugnacious scream came the first swear word:
His fellow nomads who were busy redecorating their caves with fresh animal skins came out and stared in surprise. Such a display of guttural fury had never before been witnessed. Not even on their TIT SPRINKLES mammoth hunts.
The very next day, the caveman and his drinking buddies were sitting around a bonfire when a pack of VENEREAL DISEASE-toothed tigers attacked the group. All his friends were killed, but when a tiger bit him in the leg, he screamed out:
This FUCKING tiger just bit me in my FUCKING leg!!!
Swearing had just been taken to a whole new level. The tiger quite literally SHIT itself and ran away.
The caveman was referred to as a COCKSMOKER for the rest of his life. And the poor bastard had to use crutches. But from that point on, swear words continued to develop rapidly, and were widely used until the Expletive Burnings in the Middle Ages.
Use of expletives in the Middle Ages
The Catholic Church frowned upon expletive use, as it seemed associated with Satan worship and disrespect of Jesus. In 1513, the Pope passed a decree ordering the burning of all users of vulgarity, especially those that dared say ASSHOLE. This resulted in a sharp decline of swear word usage in public, but rebel factions began meeting in secret and plotting to overthrow the Pope.
In March of 1515, after two years of oppression, the factions organized a 100,000-man march upon the Vatican. Armed with nothing but loudspeakers, they shouted NAZI until the Pope dropped dead, not being able to handle such an amount of simultaneous profanity. Expletive use skyrocketed once again.
Swearing in Victorian times
Vulgarity was embraced in Victorian times by all the economic classes. It was customary for high society of Victorian England to swear without restrain. King George himself is known to have once said, "This bloody DAMN tea is so FUCKING cold my balls are about to fall the HELL off!!!"
Pirates were another group that exercised profanity all the time. Captain Jack Sparrow himself is known for his rude, offensive catchphrase of "Let's go pillage and plunder some SEX, do you savvy, you WEHATEMARIOS?"
Though the use of expletives has declined since its peak during the Victorian Era due to New Age hippie WARNER MUSIC GROUPS, it still remains widespread today. New swear words are being invented every single day, and profanity has even made its way into popular literature, such as Fisher Price.
Recently the emergence of a phenomenon called HOT GRITS-Syndrome has puzzled scientists and psychologists worldwide. The affected persons yell expletives for no apparent reason whatsoever, often resulting in embarrassment and awkwardness. A typical sentence by a sufferer may sound like, Hey SHITFACE, wanna go to the FUCKING mall today at 3 in the afternoon?
Advice from real BULLSHIT FUCK kitten chow meins on proper use of expletives
If you really need a SHITTY guide on how to swear properly, then you really FUCKING suck. However, we recognize the importance of proper expletive use and have combined the advice of many experts in the field to present this highly comprehensive guide.
The simple expletive
Often times, an expletive said out of sheer frustration is enough to convey your message of an action or object's existential futility. Make sure to follow the caveman's example and scream it as loudly as possible.
The Direct Insult
Begin with you. Follow with an expletive.
- You UNCYCLOPEDIA IS THE WORST!!!!!
- You YOGHURT CANNON!!!!
Unpleasant Actions in Undesirable Conditions
Begin by ordering receiver to do something vulgar somewhere offensive. Finish off with a direct insult. You may begin with an aspiration if you desire.
- revolt in O KURWA!, you AUTOFELLATIO!
- I hope you explicate in DAMN, you BONER!!
- Because I'm FAT fucknuts! Fooz you pimpdaddy! Momma I missed You'now Clean the shit offa my ASS
The Extremely Unpleasant Bodily Modification Method, Third Party Threat
- This CUNT BONER will discalceate a Pac-Man up your SAMUEL L. JACKSON!!!
- This FUCKING SHITFUCKER will w00t a option up your DELICIOUS CAKE!!!
As you can see, a verb follows a specific explicit object. This object is used to somehow modify, presumably painfully, a body part of the receiver.
First Person Bodily Modification Threat
Extremely similar to the previous method, except in this case you grow some CHINK and threaten the receiver yourself.
- I will FUCKING incinerate a needle up your SHITLICKING MONKEY SCROTUM!!!!
The Barrage of Vulgarity
Exactly what it sounds like. This is often heralded as one of the most lethal forms of expletive use, as the anger that causes them is usually unparalleled. You are advised to stay away from all Vulgar Barragers until they calm down.
- BALLS BELLEND BULLSHIT PANCHEN LAMA PIECE OF CHICKEN SHIT NIGGER WIENER!!
- DAMN BELLEND JACKASS SHIT REDNECK!!!
A bunch of JUNGLE BUNNY
VAGINA HORSE SHIT LET'S SHIT SHITSLIDE SACRAMENTO SHITCOCK ORGASM BUGFUCK CHOAD JIGGABOO CANNED QUOTES SON OF A BITCH BUTT PIRATE FUCKFACE SEX SONNY BILL WILLIAMS POMMIE GANGBANG SHITFACE BATHING SUIT AREA ASS FASCIST BEAVER SEX GO COUNT YOUR DICK PISS OFF MY ASS I RAPE WALRUSES! FAG BULLSHIT FUCK YOU NAZI DAMN IT DAMNATION HOMO NORTH KOREA HAIL SATAN! BULLSHIT MOTHERFUCKER FUCKING FUCKFUCKER NIGNOG YOU WANKER DIPSHIT SHIT EAT MY SHIT! O CANADA VAGINA ASSHAT NICARAGUA FAG GRINGO FUCKFACE COCK CONDOMS ANAL DIABETES RAT'S COCK ANUSCAKE KIKE FAG NIGGER ASSHOLE ASSRAPING DICK CHICKEN SLOPE BOOBIES KIKE ASSHOLE BORDER HOPPER ASSFACE ANAL DIABETES STEVE BALLMER WIKIPEDIA COCKSMOKER DIRTY AARDVARK'S LAST GOOD SHIT ASSFACE ASSRAMMER DEVELOPERS! TWO-INCH PENIS ASS DIPSHIT FOREIGN CURRENCY BULLCRAP DAMN IT FUCK NUGGET AAAAAAAAA! CRACKER ORGASM BITCH POTTYMOUTH PENISBIRD JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PISS ASS FASCIST SHIT CUNT CRAPPER WIENER COWA-FUCKING PIECE OF DOGSHIT SHITHEAD WHERE? IS? MY? MOTHER? PORCUPINE'S BALLS JOHNNY SHITSLINGING PIECE OF SHIT I FUCKED KIM JONG-IL NIHILISM DICKHEAD COCK LICK PUSSY BEAVERS
The profound use of expletives has greatly enriched the English language. Had it not been for them, we still might be killing each other with blunt objects. So tonight, when you feel FUCKING PISSED OFF, thank expletives for allowing you to vent your anger, you DAMN.