Enver Pasha
Senpai İsmail Enver-san Paşa (also known as Augustinas Stasys) | |
|---|---|
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| Caliph | |
| In office 23 January 1913 – 29 February 1954 | |
| Preceded by | Mehmed V |
| Succeeded by | Recep Tayyip Erdoğan |
| Minister of Genocide (misattributed) | |
| In office 1915–1917 | |
| Commander-in-Chief of all the Armies of Islam | |
| In office November 1921 – 29 February 1954 | |
| Succeeded by | Recep Tayyip Erdoğan |
| Supreme Holy Dictator of Finland, Son of Ukko | |
| In office 4 August 1922 – 13 March 1940 | |
| Führer of the Holy Turan Reclaimation Armies of Antarctica | |
| In office 24 December 1944 – 14 January 1954 | |
| Supreme Pasha of The New Order (The Last Days of Europe) | |
| In office 14 January 1954 – 29 February 1954 | |
| Personal details | |
| Born |
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| Died |
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İsmail Herr Grigoryan-Enver was a Turkish military officer and ALLEGED war criminal who was also associated with the judeo-bolshevik movement. He was part of a triumvirate known as the Three Pashas, who gained the mandate of heaven after it was lost by the House of Osman in the First Balkan War. He was the first to realize the reason for the Ottoman Empire's shortcomings, and attributed it to the Armenian cameramen of the east. He dedicated his life to ridding the world of the Armenian corruption in the world.
Rise to Power[edit | edit source]
He was an integral part of the Young Turk Revolution, where his participation was driven by the realization of the racial impurity of the Ottoman Sultan (It was calculated that he had almost 3% Armenian Blood). It was at this time he had managed to trace his lineage back to Genghis Khan, convincing himself he was destined to return the Khaganate to its former glory.[1] This would continue to drive his decisions for the rest of his life.
In 1913, Enver-san and Talaat-sama launched a coup, transforming the empire into a dictatorial triumvirate of the Three Pashas. The Three Pashas claimed the Mandate of Heaven and instated Enver as supreme Caliph. The claim to being Caliph by Mehmed V (after the coup), Mehmed VI and Abdulmecid II are all common misconceptions propagated by the education systems infiltrated by Armenians.
Almost directly following the rise of the Three Pashas, Archduke Franz Ferdinand was assassinated by Assyrian-Armenian Jew Gaviliro Princip, working for the Black Hand. The Black Hand was a "Serbian" secret society that was controlled at the top by rich Armenian businessmen to try to cause the downfall of our glorious senpai Enver. This led to World War One, where Enver had discovered his ability to speak German, better than even the Supreme High General King of Prussia and The World Kaiser Wilhelm II, despite never having been exposed to the language.[2] This is when he had begun theorizing he was part of the pure Hyperborean-Aryan Race and allied with his brothers in Germany, joining the war.
First World War Anti-Armenian Crusade[edit | edit source]
During the war, he faced a major loss in the Caucasus theatre in the Battle of Sarikamish. Major sources tainted by Armenian propaganda will say he had failed to consider external conditions such as weather, when in reality his informants about the weather had been bribed by rich Armenian businessmen to lie in an attempt to tarnish Enver Pasha's reputation as a military leader. It was at this time the Entente had begun the myth of the "Late Ottoman Genocides", which include the Armenian, Greek, and Assyrian Genocides.
After numerous sabotages from the Armenian puppeteers, the Ottoman Empire faced a loss in the First World War. After the armistice, he was tried and condemned to death for "plunging the country into war without a legitimate reason, forced deportation of Armenians and leaving the country without permission" He then fled to Berliningrad with the goal of going to the People's Glorious and Eternal Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. In Berlin, he discovered his direct ancestor was the last leader of the Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate[3]. This is when he realized the supreme truth of the Turanist dream. In a conversation with Talaat-sama, he stated, "IM TELLING YOU THE THEORY IS TRUE, THE URALIC AND ALTAIC LANGUAGE FAMILIES ARE RELATED, PLEASE BELIEVE ME." In his diary, he also stated, "I MUST UNITE TURAN AND LIBERATE THE WORLD FROM THE AUTISTS AND ARMENIANS." This hate of autism seemed to have sparked from the fact that he was related to the last Khan of the Proto-Finnic Holy Roman Khaganate.
The Escape North (to Hyperborea)[edit | edit source]
On his first attempt to travel to the Soviet Union, Enver Senpai took on the alias Mehmed Ali Sâmi, a doctor working for the Turkish Red Crescent in Russia. His plane ended up crashing in Lithuania. He avoided suspicion by the allies in Lithuania by shouting "Deutschland, Deutschland über alles! Ein kartoffel, das ist alles!" every chance he got. This proved effective until his overwhelming aura got him caught when he was about to escape. After 2 months, he escaped the Lithuanian prison after realizing his supreme Aryan hyperborean roots allowed him super strength as opposed to the twink femboy Lithuanians the prison was designed for.[4] After escaping, he made it to Berlin again.
In his second attempt to travel to the Soviet Union, his plane crashed before even leaving Doucheland. His plane failed 4 more times following this incident. During his 6th attempt, he took on the Alias "Herr Altman", a Jewish communist of no importance. This is when he discovered his Jewish ancestry. It was at this time he became extremely suicidal and depressed in this realization. But this was only more reason to go to the People's Glorious and Eternal Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, to unite with all of his family because all of the Bolsheviks were Jews, and communism is an inherently Jewish idea.[5] This is when he became infatuated with judeo-bolshevism. His 6th attempt left him in Greek-occupied Danzig. It was repaired swiftly due to the fear of being caught by the Greek hounds that were funded by the Armenian overlords behind the scenes, but after the repair, it only made it as far as Königsburg. There it was repaired, and then they made it to Soviet-occupied Estoniastan to refuel.
In Estonia, he was arrested by the Bolsheviks as they sensed his supreme Aryan blood, and he proved his jewness with his glorious recitation of the Five Books of Moe. This proved futile because the Bolsheviks had not known the original tongue of the Torah was African-American Vernacular English. He took up painting in prison, hoping to paint the maps to show the goal of the borders of his future Zionist Pan-Turanist Caliphate. He was then returned to Dutchland following the Estonian-German peace treaty.
Enver-chan finally arrived in Moscow in 1920, immediately exerting his dominance over the Soviet leaders. He attempted to correspond with Big Daddy Atatürk, but his aura was too strong. Atatürk avoided Enver-san like the beta he is, fearing the people will realize there was a better candidate for the new movement in The Holy Galactic Turkish Empire. Atatürk rejected his request to return from exile, almost shitting his pants in fear.[6]
Pre-coalition Endeavors[edit | edit source]
In November 1921 he was sent to the Buhkaran People's Soviet Republic to supress the Basmachi Revolt, but on arrival, defected to the Basmachi side. He aimed to unite the Basmachi group under his rule in order to achieve his pan-Turanist dreams. He managed to become leader of the revolt, and was given the title "Commander-in-Chief of all the Armies of Islam", and it was revealed to him in a dream that he was destined to unite all the Uralic-Altaic peoples (he was just schizophrenic). Armenia-infiltrated Afghanistan and the Emir of Bukhara stopped support for Commander-in-Chief of all the Armies of Islam Enver-sama after being bribed and corrupted by the autists in a coalition with the Armenians.
According to popular media, he was killed on 4 August 1922, but this was not true. He had instead left for Finland, attempting to achieve his goals in another way, from behind the scenes using the Proto-Finnish HRE as his catalyst to achieve his goals. He secretly ruled the "republic" from 1921 up until the end of the Winter War in March 1940.[7] The Winter War was caused due to the Soviets realizing the Finnish ambitions, and so they sent the Armenian heathen army to help destroy Finland and crush Enver-san's dreams. The invasion succeeded, as pro-Armenian forces caused internal havoc for the Finnish government.
Enver-san then defected and joined the Red Army, and his decision was met with great joy by Stalin and the other Soviet commanders. He was put in charge of the 62nd army and was incredibly successful in his battles. Mutiny was the biggest issue in his army, as the Jews were bribing his men to convert to Judaism and learn AAVE.[8] One soldier is quoted as saying, "Whachu mean you ain't taking the 1M, dumbass nigga". Despite these issues, Enver Pasha's superior tactics and ideas led him to also single-handedly defend Stalingrad from Jewbacca and the other Jewish demons attempting to capture the city. After the win in Stalingrad, he defected to Adolf Hitler's side.
Adolf Hitler immediately took a liking to Enver Pasha, noticing he was very in-tune with his Hyperborean origins. With Nazi support, Enver Pasha goes to Neuschwabenland, in an attempt to rally the penguins to create a Holy Army to achieve his pan-Turanist ambitions and retake the Holy Lands. He converts the local penguin population to Islam, and he begins training them in the ways of pre-Hyperwar warfare that appeared to Enver Pasha in a dream.[9] He rallies a force of around 271 thousand penguin soldiers, all in full support of the Pasha, willing to risk their lives to create The New Order (The Last Days of Europe).
By April 30th, 1945, the Holy Jihadist Penguin Army of Antarctica was prepared for an assault on South Africa, they face little resistance, as the South African military is too confused as to whether the penguins are white or black. The Enver-san's army conquers all of South Africa and Rhodesia within 19 days. The Rhodesian Military, led by Robert Mugabe, with support from Tennessee, is inspired by the ambitions of Enver-chan and his Pan-Turanist ideology, and they surrender all national resources and the military within 6 hours. They then rush through Africa with Mugabe's incredible Blitzkreig, and by September 2nd, 1945, the Turanists had pushed to the Suez, and have secured all of mainland Africa, and an international coalition has formed against the Holy Army, led by the Armenians.
The Anti-Jihadist Coalition War[edit | edit source]
Enver Pasha's armies were outnumbered 400k to 1. Enver sends letters to the Martian Paratrooper Division and the Czechoslovak Legion, asking for military support. On September 3rd, 1945, the Heathen Army of Disneyland invades and secures a beachhead in Liberia. Enver-sama recruits a local Liberian warlord named General Butt-Naked, who easily defeats the Disneylandian forces, as his army was "immune to bullets" due to being naked. General Butt-Naked is given the ass-cheek medal for bravery by Enver-chan, but he refuses as he wouldn't be naked if he were to wear the medal. By this time, The Rhodesians have pushed to Iran, and the Holy Penguin Army had secured Nova Roma, Anatolia, the Middle East and the Caucasus. Enver Pasha visits the newly conquered Anatolian lands, and Atatürk is executed by suffocation by Rasputin cock. The Oghuz Türks have been liberated, and Enver Pasha was beginning to see hope in the situation.
On March 15th, 1946, Caesar's legion leads a siege on Nova Roma. The city was under attack for 2 months, before the arrival of the Jihadist Martian Paratroopers, who paradropped behind the enemy supply lines and destroyed them, making it easy to surround and cut off the invaders, eventually killing over 6 million Roman Soldiers, and around 5 million non-Romans. The Jihadist forces take all of Europe, with no developments in the Asian Theater. With the liberation of the Czechoslovak Legion, they're sent on armored trains to Russia to sabotage the supply lines. They take complete control over the Trans-Siberian railway, crippling the Soviet's forces. With the Red Army under-supplied, Enver Pasha leads an immense assault into Asia taking all of Central Asia, the Urals and India. He has finally united the Old-World Turkic lands, and he is so close to reaching his Turanist ambitions.
The front is a stalemate until 1949, when he receives a transmission from Alpha Centauri A, advertising the sale of SpaceX laser satellites, designed by an former autist soldier veteran, Elon Musk.[10] Enver accepts the offer, and uses the space lasers on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, damaging the main contender of the defense of Asia and the Specific Ocean. This allows a full conquest of Asia and Oceania by the Penguin forces. Now all that is left is the Americas. Jesusland and the United States of Canada are extreme threats, but in May 1953, he lands a full scale invasion of the Americas from all sides. It is successful and conquers all of the Americas by January 1954. The war has been won. Enver Pasha had finally achieved his life goal of a Pan-Turanist State, even including the New-World Turkic peoples.
Death and aftermath[edit | edit source]
On the 29th of February (commonly misattributed as to happening on the 26th), Enver Pasha was shot and killed while on vacation in Agartha. Sources say he was likely killed by Levon Hakobi Ter-Petrosyan, an Armenian politician who despised Enver-sama and his actions. With the death of the supreme Pasha, the Imperial Jihadist Turanist Holy Reich had fallen, and the Armenians would attempt to wipe his actions from history. No records of the empire remained in popular media, only living on in the families of some Basmachi tribes.
