User:Kelpan/Conservapedia

Welcome to Uncyclopedia The free unbiased encyclopedia that any WASP can edit. Uncyclopedia has over 25,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including more than 350 lectures and term lists. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits. This site is evolving expanding rapidly. Today's Featured Article Homosexuality is sexual activity between members of the same sex. Sexual relations between two men is condemned in both Old and New Testaments. It is forbidden directly four times in the Bible. All references in Amplified Version Old Testament Leviticus 18:22 - You shall not lie with a man as with a woman; it is an abomination. Leviticus 20:13 - If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads. New Testament (Epistles) 1 Corinthians 6:9 - Do you not know that the unrighteous and the wrongdoers will not inherit or have any share in the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived (misled): neither the impure and immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor those who participate in homosexuality more Recently featured: Evilution, Intelligent design, Blasphemy, Global warming, Hollywood values, Atheism and obesity, A wizard did it Daily Bible Verse “And on the eighth day, God said, "FUCK IT! We'll do it LIVE!"” – Genesis 2:4 More... Daily Historical Quote “When the people find they can vote themselves money, that will herald the end of the republic. Especially if the Negroes are involved.” – Benjamin Franklin Do You Believe? ...that if you've ever visited Wikipedia you're going to hell? ...that you probably are anyway? ...that this will result in an eternity of unimaginable pain? ...that God will send you there because He loves you? ...that only 4% of Americans are atheists, and everybody hates them? ...that -ology is a suffix derived from the latin word meaning "work of the devil"? ...that Jesus is coming back real soon? ...that the metric system is Socialism? ...that ignorance is strength? ...that Global Warming is a lie invented by people jealous of our nice big shiny cars? ...that FOX News is as true and unbiased as the Bible itself? ...that Americans are God's chosen people? ...that Catholics are Mary-worshipping heretics? ...that Muslims are even worse than Catholics? ...that Barack Obama is Muslim? ...that he was also behind 9-11? ...that he beats his children too? ...that dinosaurs were vegetarians back when they lived in the Garden of Eden? ...that scientists are liars? ...that they're all going to Hell, too! Ha ha ha ha ha!

In the News, what the lamestream media isn't fully covering. Obama to America: "April Fools!" Terrorists surrender to American might Minority-hating Democrats seek to oust Gonzales US Democrats give Entire World to Terrorists Chuck Norris on secularism: the single greatest threat that America has ever faced FOX News Study: 90% of liberals hate liberals Kids still fucking National Day of Prayer ruined by godless protestors Persistent Protestants protest punishment Dinesh D'souza on the real problem with Newtonism A poor, defenseless Hummer was viciously attacked by Eco-Nazis Racism is still funny More false trails left by God to test our faith have been found by God-hating, atheist "scientists" recently. That God of ours certainly is a tricksy one! Roger Williams University forces students to watch Al Gore's movie in order to graduate! "[W]e should stop calling these schools 'bastions of knowledge' since they're really bastions of leftist thought," one student observed. [1]. Boy genius with Asperger's syndrome sets out to disprove the big bang theory. Further evidence that God's chosen disciples are mentally special. [2] Today(ish) in History October 23, 4004 BC God creates the universe. December 25, 0000 AD Our Lord and Saviour Jesus is born. April 33 AD Jesus is murdered by liberals and ACLU-type jews, comes back to life. Explain that, godless scientists! November 28, 1095 AD First crusades launched. Many unbelievers ground beneath righteous boots. Amen. July 4, 1776 AD If you don't know why this date is significant, you're a Communist. May 14, 1948 AD God initiates first stage of the Apocalypse. April 20, 1979 Jesus sends Easter Bunny after Jimmy Carter. November 9, 1989 AD Ronald Reagan gets tired of waiting, tears down the Berlin Wall himself with his bare, masculine hands. January 15, 2001 Wikipedia literally emerges from the lowest pit of Hell. September 11, 2001 AD You ticked off the wrong country, mister. March 19, 2003 AD United States launches second glorious crusade against heathens. January 20, 2009 AD Lady Liberty is defiled by That One. November 2010 AD God smites American soldiers one by one in Iraq to punish America for doing nothing to stop evil gay communities spawning more and more gays. April 1, 2011 AD Unbelievers still burning in Hell. (pictured)

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