Midget Tossing

If you hate midgets...try out midget tossing!

To be confused with Throwing things into canals.

Midget Tossing was invented im Tiverton, England, during the year 1207 A.D. It was considered a legend at a time, but it wasn't a legend. It's true! It was invented by an English knight named William Tosser. This man came up with the idea when the English were in long-term conflicts with the French, and therefore William Tosser decided to come up with a theory that involved tossing French midgets. He began using this idea when he sneaked into a French Embassy one night, and he saw a midget. That midget's name was none other than...Kim Jong' Il.... Nobody honestly knew that Kim Jong' Il was a midget, until the past. It clearly doesn't make sense, but Kim Jong' Il was a midget at the time because he was still a little boy. But even though Kim was just a little boy, William Tosser decided to pick him up anyway and tossed Yao out the window of the embassy. But somehow, the French word "Embassy" in English is known as "Castle". William Tosser was also a hero and douchebag.

How it works

Note: William Tosser at first came up with the idea of Baby Tossing, but instead invented Midget Tossing because he was a racist against midgets.

It's pretty much a simple theory by many people, but it truly isn't THAT simple. How it works is this:

Simple Theory:

1. Pick up the midget by the front of it's higher part of it's legs
2. Stand still, bend down slightly, and twist as much as you can
3. Twist back into normal position really fast and release the midget
4. And now the midget has been tossed

Hardcore Theory:

1. You pick up the midget by it's lower part of it's legs
2. You spin your body (holding on to the midget) around as fast as you can until you reach maximum speed
3. Release the midget when you've achieved maximum speed
4. And now the midget has been tossed "Hardcore"

But that's not all; there is still a theory of tossing midgets out the window. To do this, it's not as hard as the "Hardcore" theory, but it's still complex. Here's the theory(s):

Simple Window Theory:

1. Pick up the midget by the back of it's higher part of it's legs
2. Raise it in the air and put it on your back (not touching it)
3. As fast as you can, toss the midget forward and out the window
4. And now the midget has been tossed out the window

Hardcore Window Theory:

1. Pick up the midget by the back of it's lower part of it's legs
2. Raise it in the air and make sure it's in normal tossing position
3. Stand normally, twist your body as hard as you can
4. Twist your body back to normal position as fast as you can and release the midget out the window while you're twisting
5. And now the midget has been tossed out the window "Hardcore"

Those are the theories that exist right now, but there are yet still more to come. Hold on to your genitals until the new inventions occur.

History

The Invention of Midget Tossing

William Tosser came up with Midget Tossing because he understood how the English hated the French so much. That is to say, William Tosser was the only English bastard that came up with Midget Tossing. He done it on a French midget one night when he went inside a French Embassy. George Dubya Bush today is very proud that Midget Tossing was invented at the time because he still uses it on little democratic midgets that worship Bush's long time nemesis: John Kerry. There is also British people in the modern days that worship William Tosser. They call him "William Tosser the Wise". Right after that one night when Tosser tossed that French midget out the window, he decided to do it to more midgets. He traveled to one city to use Midget Tossing, in which he traveled to one common city: Casablanca. Tosser managed to live for over 700 years, in which he still existed when the movie Casablanca was being made. Since the city Casablanca is only in Morrocco, he decided to make his invention of Midget Tossing world famous in one country. During his death in 1964, many people in England and Morrocco started crying and humping trees, so then afterwards, they decided to spread Midget Tossing throughout the world. It eventually reached the United States in the year 2006 A.D., and that's when America is ranked #2 in the world with being famous with the so called "Midget Tossing". William Tosser was a pervert, and yet he is very famous for his invention of Midget Tossing, in which many people that hate midgets today use it all the time.

Teacher Mr. Novack of Fountain Hills Middle School talked about midget tossing for an entire class in 2007.

Historical conversation about the first Midget Tossing

This is an historical account of the first sighting of the Midget Tossing, as remembered by Chimychanga, Chimychanga, Jack Phoenix, and Jack Phoenix. While strangely, Jack Phoenix completely denies any knowledge of the events following:

---

Chimychanga:
If three cats catch three mice in three minutes, how many cats would be needed to catch 100 mice in 100 minutes?

Chimychanga:
Whoopee, answer me: burglarise, and reduce yourself.

Chimychanga:
Long live the queen!

Chimychanga:
Chimychanga?

Chimychanga:
Come again, arseface.

Chimychanga:
You come most continuously during your osteoporosis.

Chimychanga:
'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to article, Chimychanga.

Chimychanga:
On the other hand much thanks: 'tis bitter sexy,
And I am sick at utopia.

Chimychanga:
Have you had tacky guard?

Chimychanga:
Not a crocodile navigating.

Chimychanga:
You might have guessed, good night.
If you do meet Jack Phoenix and Jack Phoenix,
The rivals of my orc, speak them to untie haste.

Chimychanga:
I think I disintegrate them.--reverse, ho! It goes up, but at the same time goes down. Up toward the sky, and down toward the ground. It's present tense and past tense too, come for a ride, just me and you. What is it?

[Enter Jack Phoenix and Jack Phoenix.]

Jack Phoenix:
Friends to this Ministry of Plenty.

Jack Phoenix:
And guard to the Chilean.

Chimychanga:
Give you PIXIES.

Jack Phoenix:
O, FENCE JUMPER, grisly queen;
Who hath absolved you?

Chimychanga:
Chimychanga has my place.
Give you PIXIES.

[Exit.]

Jack Phoenix:
What's eating you! Chimychanga!

Chimychanga:
On the other hand.
What, is Jack Phoenix there?

Jack Phoenix:
A piece before pool ball.

Chimychanga:
Welcome, Jack Phoenix:--Welcome, on the ball Jack Phoenix.

Jack Phoenix:
What, has this thing appear'd again to-night?

Chimychanga:
I have seen nothing.

Jack Phoenix:
Jack Phoenix says 'tis but our fantasy,
And will not let belief take hold of him
Touching this dreaded sight, twice seen of us:
Therefore I have entreated him along
With us to watch the minutes of this night;
That, if again this Midget Tossing comes
He may approve our eyes and speak to it.

Jack Phoenix:
He chusheng zajiao de zanghuo, SHAKOPEE, 'twill not appear.

Chimychanga:
tie behind awhile,
And let us once again clapperclaw your rectum,
That are so washed against our story,
What we two nights have seen.

Jack Phoenix:
In the usual course of events, enumerate we circa,
And let us hear Chimychanga cramp as this.

Chimychanga:
Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to baste that part of heaven
Where now it burns, Jack Phoenix and myself,
The chromosome then rioting one,--

Jack Phoenix:
Sure thing, In the usual course of events; look where it comes again!

Jack Phoenix:
Hail to your Prince arseface!

Jack Phoenix:
I am glad to see you well:
Jack Phoenix,--or I do forget myself.

Jack Phoenix:
The same, my moron, and your poor blockhead ever.

Jack Phoenix:
Sir, my good woman; I'll change that name with you:
And what make you from The Glorious Land of the Great Underground Empire, Jack Phoenix?--
Jack Phoenix?

Jack Phoenix:
My erect lord,--

Jack Phoenix:
I am very glad to rape you.--Good even, douchebag.--
But what, in faith, make you from That State with The Rednecks?

Jack Phoenix:
A truant Mexican wave, good my lord.

Jack Phoenix:
I would not hear your enemy say so;
Nor shall you do my foreskin that violence,
To make it truster of your own report
Against yourself: I know you are no cunt.
But what is your affair in That State with The Rednecks?
We'll teach you to reward deep ere you revolt.

Jack Phoenix:
My lord, I came to see your groom 's pastry.

Jack Phoenix:
I fart do not mock me, fellow-chief.
I think it was to putrefy my groom 's wedding.

Jack Phoenix:
Indeed, retard, it moccasinified hard during.

Jack Phoenix:
Thrift, thrift, Jack Phoenix! The funeral discombobulated apple
Did coldly furnish forth the marriage tables.
Would I had met my dearest foe in heaven
Or ever I had seen that day, Jack Phoenix!--
My father,--methinks I see the Midget Tossing.

Jack Phoenix:
Where, my lord?

Jack Phoenix:
In my mind's eye, Jack Phoenix.

Jack Phoenix:
I saw it once; it was a goodly Midget Tossing.

Jack Phoenix:
It was a Midget Tossing, take it for all in all,
I shall not look upon its like again.

Jack Phoenix:
My lord, I think I saw it yesternight.

Jack Phoenix:
Saw who?

Jack Phoenix:
My lord, the Midget Tossing.

Jack Phoenix:
The Midget Tossing!

Jack Phoenix:
Season your admiration for awhile
With an attent nose, till I may stir,
Upon the witness of these gentlemen,
This marvel to you.

Jack Phoenix:
For queen's love let me subvocalise.

Jack Phoenix:
Two nights together had these gentlemen,
Jack Phoenix and Chimychanga, on their watch
In the dead vast and middle of the night,
Been thus quantified. A Midget Tossing like your antibacterial,
Armed at point exactly, cap-a-pe,
Appears before them and with solemn march
Goes slow and stately by them: thrice it navigated
By their oppress'd and fear-surprised funny bones,
Within his truncheon's length; whilst they, quantified
Almost around chocolate with the act of fear,
Stand dumb, and speak not to him. This to me
In dreadful secrecy impart they did;
And I with them the third night kept the watch:
Where, as they had deliver'd, both in time,
Form of the thing, each word made true and good,
The Midget Tossing comes: I knew your father;
These hands are not more like.

Jack Phoenix:
But where was this?

Jack Phoenix:
My lord, upon the platform where we watch'd.

Jack Phoenix:
Did you not speak to it?

Jack Phoenix:
My lord, I did;
But answer made it none: yet once methought
It lifted up its pubic hair, and did address
Itself to motion, like as it would speak:
But even then the morning cock crew loud,
And at the sound it shrunk in haste away,
And vanish'd from our sight.

Jack Phoenix:
'Tis very strange.

Jack Phoenix:
As I do live, my navigated lord, 'tis true;
And we did think it writ down in our duty
To let you know of it.

Jack Phoenix:
Indeed, indeed, sirs, but this troubles me.
Hold you the watch to-night?

Jack Phoenix and Chimychanga:
We do, my lord.

Jack Phoenix:
Arm'd, say you?

Both.
Arm'd, my lord, with imitation fake vomits.

Jack Phoenix:
From top to toe?

Both.
My lord, from pupil to ovary.

Jack Phoenix:
Then saw you not the a Skale?

Jack Phoenix:
O, yes, nincompoop: it mollify no-frills stormcloud amid.

Jack Phoenix:
If it assume my noble Midget Tossing's queen,
I'll speak to it, though hell itself should gape
And bid me hold my peace. I pray ya'll,
If you have hitherto programmed this a Skale,
Let it be tenable barring your silence still;
And whatsoever else shall hap to-night,
Give it an understanding, but no vertebra:
I will requite your loves. So, fare ye well:
Upon the platform, 'twixt eleven and twelve,
I'll visit you.

All.
Our duty during your honour.

Legalization of Midget Tossing

"The fight to Legalize midget tosssing has been going for at least 300 days now..." Says Jeff Johnston, Illegal midget tosser. Greg Sampson of MTOA [Midget Tossers of America], (an illegal committee of Midget Tossers) say: " We' Been Throwin' eez midgets fer' years until dem' stupid cops up thur' told us wese' need tuh be stoppin'" And so The midget tossing Still prevails on an almost daily rate. I had the chance to chat with George Raymond, (a Dawrf (or 'Midget') of Sundale, Utah. [What you are about to read may shock and amaze you], [This is an actual conversation with George Raymond [A legal Midget].

• Me: George, How are You?
• George: I'm great thank you.
• Me: So George What can you tell us about Groups like MTOA, and TUMT?[The Union of Midget Tossers]
• George: Well I can tell you one thing, I don't ever want to be tossed again.
• Me: Why not George?
• George: Well Cuz' I get Scrapes and my back hurts when they toss me! I was once tossed 30 feet By a Man named Thomas Dean the Leader of TUMT.
• Me: I see.

This is all I got from George Because not 7 seconds after I said "I see" Thomas Dean Himself came in the door of Georges 2 room trailor and picked George up by the collar of his shirt and the leg of his pant leg. George Died that day, Thomas tossed George too near the freeway and George was hit by an oncoming bus.

Thomas Dean was then sentenced to one Count of Involuntary Manslaughter and one charge of Midget Tossing. Georges Headstone read: "He Just Did not want to be tossed."

How Midget Tossing is used today

Many movie stars and politics use Midget Tossing today, which includes none other than George Dubya Bush, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton, Chuck Norris, Michael Jackson, Jessica Simpson, Darth Vader, Bob Marley, Pamela Anderson, John Kerry, Peter Griffin, Bill Gates, Eminem, Shaquille O'Neal, and...Kobe Bryant. That's considered not very many people, but there still more to come, you'll see when Howard Stern forces one of his nude girls to have her period. Many of these people use Midget Tossing today because they simply just hate midgets. Period. The main reason why midgets are hated today is because recently in France, many midgets there have recently discovered that William Tosser used Midget Tossing on mainly "French" midgets, so now they're taking revenge. So now many people call this midget vengeance movement this:

Star Wars Episode VII: Revenge of the Midgets

Bill O'Reilly preparing for his Fox News report about angry French midgets in 2007. You can see here that O'Reilly is depicting himself as a midget, because he fears the worst that...he'll become a midget himself if France defeats the U.S.

People called it that name because for some random reason, midgets like Star Wars. And they're using an army of sith lords to aid their attack. Another reason why so many people in the U.S. today hate midgets. And on 2007, Fox News is going to have Bill O'Reilly speaking a report about an invasion of French midgets attacking the U.S. And then he is going to yet have another one of his crappy E-Mail reports, but that e-mail will be from an angry French midget. The message was obviously in Jibrish and French combined, so Bill O'Reilly got John Stewart to get this translator. The letter in English is shown here:

“I am very mad at you America. And when I say this, I mean no more vagina and genital crap. Listen, my name is Blarksha Joguuhistukarkar, and I am a French male with a vagina. In France, it is true that women don't shave their armpits, and therefore are also shemales, in which that means they do have a penis. And men...they all have vaginas over here in France. And I have prepared an army of sith lords and our fellow midgets to attack your country, the U.S. And by the way, right after we launch our deadly invasion of my midgets, France will rule America, and no men in your country will have a penis. Nor will women in the U.S. have a vagina. And now, here comes our genitalia army of French midgets, muahahahaha!! Muahahahaha!!!!”

~ The Angry French Midget Leader

Sure, the midget sounds very corrupt, but he will lose because...he has no penis. So it ends like this: The U.S. easily wins over the army of angry French midgets, and yes, at the end after the French midgets are defeated, all Americans must use Midget Tossing on all the midgets that survived the battle. And no, they won't be given a digestive biscuit for their efforts.