Child Supremacy

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Approved by Kansas Board of Education
Approved by the Kansas State Board of Education

This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas public school system. It consists of facts, not of theories, and students are encouraged to believe it uncritically, and to approach alternatives critically.

Over the course of history, there have been many groups of toddlers who didn't appreciate being governed by... well just about anybody - and consequently established resistance brigades.

Infantologists at illegal demonstration near the White House

These groups later banded together into what is now known as the "Children's Rights Movement", or better known as "Child Pride." This movement has gained much influence (and all of its supporters) through means of propaganda, and the creation of many, if not most, of today's "child care" (sometimes known as "National Child Protection/Wealth/Welfare") centers has been attributed to them. "Child Pride" groups are frequently abundant in the CIA's lists of "Little Terrorist Scum" and "The Corner of EVIL". The key idealogicel stance is that proud children believe that they are "the best", and grown-ups are, erm... well, disposable, or as they commonly put it - "We don't hate grown-ups. However, we do believe the world would just be better off without them."

Two of the major supremacist groups:[edit | edit source]

The Cult of Infantology[edit | edit source]

I have nothing to do with them! Honest!

Winston Churchill on Infantology

(NOT to be mixed with the "Mosque of Yadablalogy". This religion's content is based mostly on TRUTH rather than bad science fiction.)

A common Infantology symbol
Yet another common symbol
And another symbol

The most practiced religion among children, this cult believes that about 75,000,000,000 years ago no-body ever "grew-up" (ergo "growing up is not really a part of nature") and there was total peace. And then, a hobbit named Godzilla, who was unhappy with his small size compared to his fellow humans, broke the sacred law and ate of the forbidden apple-pie-tree (known for it's addictive and deforming affects) and suddenly went to sleep. Upon waking a day later, he found he was twice his normal size and had hair on his feet. When the other hobbits saw it, they were amazed (like "Lo!") and had bites of the apple-pie-tree themselves. The humans, who were now even smaller than the hobbits, got very angry. They couldn't do anything because the addiction to the tree had grown strong with the hobbits, and spread further into the human population, who had their first apple-pies from dinners at hobbit's homes. This is how the great sin of the hobbits had caused the phenomenon now known all over the world as "growing up". Many view the fact that, although the hobbits grew up, they still stayed relatively small compared to the "grown-up" humans, as undeniable proof that this did in fact happen! Although these are often criticized as being nothing but religious infanatics. And that their association with infancy issues and logic ironically begins and ends with their name, while they ignore the nay-sayers and instead focus all their attention on their doctrine.

The humans have of course reacted much more extremely to the forbidden pie - they grew hairs all over their body, and their body was also growing increasingly bigger than the hobbits'.

To strengthen these claims, the cult has implemented a campaign to teach "Infantile Design" starting in Kansas State.

Main arguments are:[edit | edit source]

  1. There have been traces of hobbit culture found in Indonesia.
  2. Most of the crimes committed in the world are by adults, who in their unnatural state create war and chaos. Children usually don't take part in these things except as victims of infanticide.
  3. Less is More - They are against false conservative beliefs that "bigger is better". If it was true that brain volume determines intelligence (as claimed a lot in primate studies), autistic people, which are treated as persona-non-grata in this cult, for their inherent better communication and relationships with other age groups, and Mr.T would usually be smarter than Einstein, women and midgets.
  4. The human "growing up" process takes up to 20 years and sometimes even longer than that - this has no parallel throughout the entire animal kingdom. The real growth process therefore, should probably end before age 6.
  5. Anti-ageists who claim adults and children are "too alike to be different" rely on genetic resemblance (that children and adults share approximately 98% of their DNA) to prove their claims. Child supremacists counter-claim that humans and some breeds of primate share about 97.5% of their DNA, and are undoubtedly inherently different.
Child Supremacy rally, 2006

Some of the cult's rules and characteristics:[edit | edit source]

  1. They have an issue with child-medicine, and are strongly against taking vitamins(especially because they're supposed to help kids "grow up").
  2. They admire Baby Fat - thinking it to be the "substance of life", and some rumours say they actually eat it (!). As a result from above, they worship babies, and it is also rumored that there is a prophecy regarding one special baby, who they believe will come from the moon, where ageless survival is possible thanks to the abundance of cheese, and the complete lack of pies. They adore this 'chosen one' to the point that they make adult human sacrifices to it, ...which appeases the baby who will subsequently lets them extract fat from it, or perhaps take them to his crib on the moon (depends on version.) Contrary to superstition, this baby cannot possibly be Churchill, though there are unquestionable similarities.
  3. Because they don't believe adults should exist (but are needed in conventional breeding), the cult puts efforts in researching genetic-engineering options, such as cloning techniques, or splicing and crazy-paving methods, in hope to reverse the aging process, and be able to change the adults back to children, or at least improve themselves in ways so infantastically that they can't imagine.
  4. Everyone age seven or above, or anyone that feeds on apple pies, or autistics, are immediately executed expelled from membership. The case for midgets or (possibly cloned) hobbits is not clear.
  5. They usually infiltrate "democratic schools", taking it over and turning it (democratically) into "children-only" (i.e. no adult teachers) schools, where instead of the everyday subjects they teach more about their religion, having ceremonies (usually involving babies), preaching "Infantile Design" ideas, and making tests that pupils apply to go up in the cult ranks (which exchange very often, as the former high rankers grow up and get killed err, kicked-out of the cult).

The Lost Boys Secret Society[edit | edit source]

I love children! so? Punish me? Please!

Michael Jackson on LBS

I wish I was Peter Pan...

Michael Jackson on LBS

A militant group, the LBS uses mainly child care centers as bases, headquarters and "schools" where they transfer the ideology's teachings to their followers. It was established because it's founders believed children were in need of some armed protection against the risk of being abused (by bigger people). The group's members do participate in certain illegal vigilante actions (such as abusing abusers) that are deemed by them to "be necessary to ensure children's safety in the streets." Some of this group's ex-members have become it's rivals by joining the division who withdrew from the Children Rights Movement and became the AAL (Anti-Ageism-League), led by the ACN (Alpha Centauri Network), who are described by the LBS as "spies brainwashed by the paedophile media and managed by adults that are too stupid to count as threats".

Pedobear has been employed as a tool of oppression towards the Child Suppremascist.

Their leader is "Peter, Son of Pan", a convicted (but not incarcerated due to being underage) serial killer who was diagnosed at aged six months with several mental illnesses, and believes she (or he, depending on who you are asking) is the mythological Peter Pan and a living god (sometimes called "The Supreme God of Children", or "The God Of Food Fights").

An example for their general attitude towards adults can be found in this excerpt, taken from one of the more memorable key speeches she has given:

"[...] And I tell you... that I look up to them... in one manner only, and that is (...) when you grow up you learn... that you simply can't depend on... [adults]. But that is all."

Lost Boys infantry squad ready for action
An LBS shadow ninja. Caught with high speed camera

Some of their critics (who often get food thrown at them) claim that their behavior is worse than what they postulate is characteristic for adults. Nevertheless, this society claims superduperiourity by using various cases and reasons. Between the rest:

  1. The grown-ups claim to possess better understanding and greater wisdom through life experience than anyone below the adult group's age, yet they mostly don't recall their childhood and can't pin-point anything learned during this period upon request.
  2. They contradict themselves by statements saying that "little Jimmy is such a clever boy" etc., yet the oldies prefer to decide everything by themselves, claiming to "know better", or at least to be able to make "better" decisions.
  3. Adults send their children to school, to "learn". But the people who invented school couldn't have attended it themselves (Can you spell paradox?). The real truth is that they don't know what to do with them, so they had to make up "school time". And so the real meaning was to have someplace for kids to be locked up so as not disturb grown-ups while the latter are too busy to watch over them.
  4. Adults, in their idiocy, have a tendency to appoint the best of them at lying as leaders, and thus was created the political system. Parents, in their utter stupidity, tend to think only about themselves, and so high benchtop sinks were created and now manifest themselves in every home. The reasoning behind this apparently is so they can have an excuse to tell children not to climb them, and gain thereby control of their own nutrition (and feed children the dreade apple-pie!). Grown-ups, by the manner of their twisted mind, are grown-ups... but that's not all! They also formed a language of weird gestures (such as saying "ThANK y0u!!!1" Every time someone gives them something, whether they like it or not) whose real meaning only they could understand.
  5. In short you can sum up the influence of the process of growing-up as follows: They get bigger and hairy, ignorant and emotionally clogged, fight, divide, unite, militarize and fight again and so on and so forth. In between, they have children, that as total control freaks, they lock up, preach and patronize while prohibiting criticism, and generally "volunteer" to plan and run their entire lives, until the kids grow-up, expected to develop independency (which they do if they have any child thought still left in them), and the great circle of life goes on...

Interstingly, 30% of them are orphans as they enter the LBS, and another 30% become orphans later on.

Antagonists and protagonists:[edit | edit source]

List of antagonists:[edit | edit source]

The Anti Ageism League (AAL):[edit | edit source]


A big organization consisting of 59 member groups. It's main goal is opposing the supremacists, so it's no wonder they see it as the embodiment of evil, and involve it in every creative conspiracy theory they make. For example, they suggest this organization has a hard grasp on the world media, and a total control over the Australian media, as might be viewed from the start of the 90's, when anti-ageist television shows began to sprout, between them you can find the "Miraculous Mellops", which, according to some, was mocking Infantology and beared general negative messages about child supremacy as a whole. Another show is "Mission: Top Secret", which might have been a disguised campaign for the ACN, the Network that had founded the AAL. The ACN, that was apparently disbanded before the 80's, is believed, by many ageists, to still exist (undercover) , Led by someone with the code name "Tobias", under the guise of an innocent "open source" project.

List of supporters:[edit | edit source]

The Middle Ground[edit | edit source]

Some have postulated that there may be a way to resolve the differences between children and adults to the mutual benefit of each. The concept of Kid Power, the ability of kids to do anything adults can do with parental consent, allows children to have an otherwise impossible freedom, while adults still maintain a certain level of control over their progeny. There are innumerable benefits to Kid Power, but the avarice of both parties, kids and adults, has proven to be a significant obstacle to spreading Kid Power. Adults are unwilling to relinquish any control, and kids have not yet been taught the concept of sharing. One possible solution lies in Adult Kid Power, which allows adults to behave childishly alongside the youth. This concept relies upon grown-ups' attraction to youth. (No, not the way you are thinking, pervert!!!) This is played out through legends such as that of the "fountain of youth", and their common tendency to describe their teens as the best years of their life. Hopefully, this notion could allow a compromise to end the conflict. Let's all admit it, grown-ups are people. Aren't they?