Anarchy Online
“Anarchy online is the result of too much thinking from my part. I am deeply sorry.”
“I'd prefer Tribes online.”
“I'd prefer apartheid online.”
Anarchy Online is just what it says it is. Anarchy on a line. It consists of two artifacts: Anarchy and online.
Anarchy is a cute little fox. This fox, dressed in webs, likes to carry people on its back, and is most of the time found carrying immature n00b websurfers on a burning wire. He likes to flame these noobs, thus the name "firefox online websurfer". Online is an adjective, which birds really like to appoint themselves the moment before they are zapped to death by power wires that don't require complete circuits. Firefox was also the king of Iceland during the second day of the 3rd era of middle earth.
Online can also be an adverb; "he's linedancing online!"
Together they form Anarchy online. Anarchy is online! Watch out kids! Scissor your cloth-hangers before anarchy sits on their lines! Draw not another line, or anarchy shall be upon it! If you drop your guard, even for one moment of love, the n00bs carried online by Anarchy will dive upon thee like scuba-divers upon clams. Or maybe not, clams are delicious, you're not.
Graphical Violence and Epilepsy Warning[edit | edit source]
The graphical detail level of anarchy online is popularly put under the category of absolutely boring and utterly ugly. Sometimes the graphics resemble anime with a resolution of 12x16 pixels. The reason why nobody plays anarchy online is believed to be related to this. Since the creators of anarchy online are nordlændinga, and not Japanese, the animé style did not gain them many users. These graphics and anarchy online's violence have unfortunately been put under the same comb. This is wrong to do as violence has nothing to do with anything except violets.
When a certain class in anarchy online, the "traitor" class, uses his or her biggest, baddest and meanest nano, your screen flashes white rapidly before you die for absolutely no reason at all (the traitors nano is supposed to make you stronger). Since the normal graphics of anarchy online is bright and shiny and colourful, the fast switching to and from this to absolute white can cause epilepsy attacks.
History of Anarchy Online[edit | edit source]
Our journey begins[edit | edit source]
Anarchy online was founded by Funcom. Funcom was founded by a bunch of crazy kids from løpsmarka. Later on, when the "firefox online websurfer" began his work of carrying websurfers on the line, the anarchistic line was overcrowded with n00bs asking the kids "d0 y0 l\/v m3?" or "why do i have to talk to you?". As a result of this, they constructed helpbot who has always helped them answer these questions. This bot answered all n00bs with higly intelligent answers, this led to a golden age of the anarchy. It lasted until helpbot was kidnapped by random grand leaders, and circled around the world causing random events of anything everywhere, including Saturn where he by coincidence saw rupert. This led to a severe recess, not only because the n00bs were all over the crazy kids from løpsmarka again, but also because the other grand leaders blamed them for their resulting defeats. This led to the
shadowlands expansion pack of anarchy on a line, shadowlands was an expression of the depression the kids were feeling because of all the guilt placed on them. The shadowlands, abbreviated shadans, is a deep dark slum-town where you are forced into the position of jobe which is a totally irrelevant town containing only shadows.
The creation of Rubi-Ka and Temple of Three Winds[edit | edit source]
In the following years, anarchy online became a crowded place. So the crazed kids decided to make some more land, not just a line with a flaming fox on it. First they created ruby-ka, abbreviated rubi-ka. The first year, ruby-ka contained nothing, not even empty space. Then they drew a line across it, which was later known as Temple of Three Winds, and everyone was happy for 5 seconds. Temple of three winds abbreviates "temple of three winds" (take notice that the abbreviated version is without any capital letters). In those five seconds, the population was multiplied by lightspeed^2, and was now at entire 5.7 people, and all space in temple of three winds was spent. Thus they put in some FUCKING MONSTERS!!!!. The only problem was that there was no way to move between them.
The Subway[edit | edit source]
So the subway was created. Although it was also just a line across the lands, it was, in difference from temple of three winds, an unintelligent line. The subway transported people between game servers. Now the population was multiplied with 20, which meant twice as many people per game server
than there used to be when there was just one game server. Then the kids realized, people spent 90% of their time on the subway or waiting for it. To cut the waiting and pack more people on the subways they created two more subways. The new ones shared nothing in common with the one before them, but were replicas of each other.
Metropolis and over-population[edit | edit source]
Now they only needed a place to put the subways. So three and a half city was created. Borealis, Rome, Athens and old-athens. Slowly the population increased in the cities. You might not call getting multiplied by 6 every second slow, but the initial population was 0... you do know some maths right? And so, when 0.0000001 person came to Bodø... I mean Borealis... the population became quite a few trillions within the day. Then the amount people who could come just ran out, and the population froze at 324168456138945914,983. Of course, Bodø... Borealis became highly overpopulated. And thus, the mercenary organization "cult of three winds" was created at temple of three winds, this organization was all about massacring people to cut the population down to 9.983. 3 of these fled to Rome, another 2 to athens, 1 person (antonio stacklund) to old-athens, 3 remained in Borealis and 0.983 persons died because they were bleeding heavily where a foot should have been.
Leadership[edit | edit source]
The cities population now elected their leaders, as listed below:
- Old-Athens: Antonio stacklund named himself dictator, 0% votes were raised against him.
- Athens: Antonio pilelund named himself dictator, 100% of the other population voted for him.
- Borealis: 66% voted for no one to be leading, the remaining 33% screamed "I am deeply shocked", then asked the remaining 0% for advice.
- Rome: failed to do anything.
(Side-Note) Just as a side-note, the cities were placed in vacuum and were only connected through the changing of game serves in temple of three winds using the subways, which were all connected to 1 city each. When you enter the subways from temple of three winds, you are placed in a random one of the three. The rest of the land was later created by leets who wanted a place to live.
The Biomare[edit | edit source]
Around 8 pm on the second day of the ninth month of the third year of the tenth era of Tamriel, Antonio Silolund named himself dictator of Rome. The very same day he founded the Biological Maxtor Remedy (Biomare for short) facility, somewhere in the Longest Road. The longest road is one of the places the leets made. The very same night, he had a nightmare of something going horribly wrong in the Biomare. This dream was so scary he could never get over it. He later had many dreams like this, and named that kind of dream for Biomare.
This naming caused confusion among extremists who also had Biomares, so they raided the Biomare to stop the Biomares. One of the extremists, T.I.M, was later found dead in a drain somewhere in the vicinity of Beetlequese. He was kidnapped by the residents of this area, revived, decapitated, killed, revived, then exposed to severe experiments and then returned to the Biomare. His new physical form gave him ten times the Biomares, each ten times as strong. So he detonated his thumb and blew up the entire Biomare facility. This caused panic, and the humanitary violations done at the Biomare caused a full blown war between both the Athen towns and Rome.
Nano-Technology[edit | edit source]
What is it?[edit | edit source]
Nano-technology is misspelled Terra-technology, which consists of studying how come eating a yogurt empties the cup of yogurt you're eating from. The results yielding from these studies is, among others, knowledge of how to cover a person in yogurt, thus making that person look like the fascinating creature named "leet". Another result is knowledge of how to put things on fire, which became the biggest weapon ever used on ruby-ka. Since flame doesn't have physical mass or thus size, it is the only weapon ever used on ruby-ka, quite a haven for pacifists. Another result yielded is how to make yogurt more full of nutritions and energy, thus making the eater quite a lot more powerful.
What is it used for?[edit | edit source]
Absolutely nothing... Nano-technology has ever since birth been completely ignored. The correctly spelled "Terra-technology" is used instead and gets all the attention of the crazy kids from løpsmarka. Nano-technology became very jealous and came up with many poor attempts at inventions, like wrangles and wilderness protection and morphing. None of these things actually worked, since we're just talking about yogurt... okay okay, that is a lie, it DID work, in a sense. the yoghurt got wrangled, protected and morphed into different things.
The Classes[edit | edit source]
Nuke technician[edit | edit source]
The suicide class. the nuke technicians standard form of combat resembles that of a traitorous suicide bomber. the plan of action for this class is to run into a squad of mobs, using area dmg attks to gather aggro from all local mobs with the sole intention of pulling said mobs onto his/her/its team just to be killed. (note also a common ninja class) the nuke technician is usually the first in a team to be aggroed the first to die, and the first to be reported to ARKs. this class is prone to catastrophe being the favorite snack Borgs, Culties, every manner of mish mob, and the occasiolal leet.
Nigerian E-mailer[edit | edit source]
Hailing from planet Nigeria, they exist with the sole mission to go chop your Anarchy Online dollar and scam you out of your items. Their best Nano is a skill that spams this until you give them your EPIC TWINKED WESTINGHOUSE COCKMONGLER 3000 GUN:
I know suffer no be small Upon say I get sense Poverty no good at all, no Na imma make I join this business 419 it no be thief, it's just a game Everybody dey play em if anybody fall [[mugu]], ha! my brother I go chop em National Temples -- na me get em National Stadium -- na me build em President na my sister brother You be the mugu, I be the master Oyinbo man: I go chop your dollar! I go take your money and disappear! 419 is just a game, you are the loser I am the winner The refinery -- na me get em, The contract -- na you I go give em But you go pay me sum mo money make I bring em you be the mugu, I be the master… na me be the master ohhhhh!!!! When Oyinbo play wayo, dey go say na new style When country man do him own, them go dey shout: bring em, kill em, die! That Oyinbo people greedy, I say them greedy I don't see them tire That's why when they fall into my trap o! I dey show them fire
See the awesome power of just one use of that impressive Nano-tech? If you see Prince Ilbassa III, run away. run so fucking far away. Get a server transfer or he WILL find you and steal your stuff.
Meta-musician[edit | edit source]
The musical class of anarchy online. The music of the meta-musician is a poor attempt at supernatural music, and thus becomes techno music of the worst quality. Which is quite surprising, since it has loong been thought that there was no such thing as a "worst" within techno, since there has been proved to be no limit to how low it can stoop. The meta-musicians most dangerous weapon is his anger manifestation, which is his hate against the world in techno-music form.
Advertiser[edit | edit source]
The fall-taker class. Everyone hates the advertiser, and thus he is always left with the headset to take the meta-musicians attacks. Thus this class has been forced to be naturals at fighting meta-musicians, and vice-versa. The advertisers weapon is leet spines, ripped from the back of a leet it is the ultimate weapon. Near the end of the game, phasers can be found which own the leet spines. The phasers are hilts without any blades sticking out of them.
Engineer[edit | edit source]
The pimp class. The engineer rents out engines and robots for people to use for their own purposes. This makes him very popular, and the absolute opposite against advertisers. Advertisers thus hate engineers, but can't do anything because of meta-musicians. The engineers most dangerous weapon is an oil-driven engine on the top of his head, which is terra-scientifically proven to be impossible. Atheists bicker with the terraneers about this, and are thus the engineers best friends.
Engineers are like pure ownage and want to kill you all with their shiny new robot army, unfortunately the robots are usually rusty and take until you are a high level for the parts that make it a decent robot, but most of the weather makes it rust or get sand in its joints. robots: the most rubbish race of all Enginner: the over crap that makes robots look cool.
Ex-soldier[edit | edit source]
The overkill class. Fighting with oversized buster-swords and glowing eyes, the ex-soldier class has nothing to do with the ffvii character cloud strife. It is typical for the Ex-soldiers class to slaughter innocent advertisers. To do this without risk, they dress themselves up as advertisement-posters which makes the advertiser mistake them for one of theirs. The Ex-soldiers best weapon is the hilt of the buster sword.
Shade[edit | edit source]
The priest class. The shade spends its day preaching around either Borealis, or Rome, in hope of converting more and more people to notumism. "Good will" is his tool for converting, and offers, as his/her name implies, shade for believers. The shades best weapon is poisonous gas, which is also what he/she is made off. This gas is marked as inflammable, which means it is flammable if exposed to warmth, which makes the ex-soldiers fire materia its worst enemy. This gas originates from the shadows of the shadowlands. He likes to touch himself as a special weapon.
Weeper[edit | edit source]
The girlish class. The weeper is the exact opposite to the shade, even though it's job is pretty much the same (converting people to the way of the leaf), and the shade is thus his/her nemesis. The best weapon of the weeper is a boquet of chocolate flowers warmed to temperatures that would normally melt iron. But, just like a lot of everything, this boquet does not exist, it is not real!
Mixer[edit | edit source]
As the title suggests, this is the best overall class. Thus it is recommended for newbies who want to try everything, but not that. The best weapon of the mixer is the over-machine gun, which is a mechanical gun that levels with you. When you level, it levels twice as much, meaning it will always be out of your range of use. Thus the mixer has to use it's second worst weapon, his fists, which is only surpassed in low-damage by his fingernails. This makes the mixer the favorite enemy of the shade, no one knows why that makes it so.
Unforcer[edit | edit source]
The uncyclopedia class. The unforcer negates the entire concept of anarchy, and makes it all look stupid and hilarious. Too bad this is the meaning of the unforcer, which means the negation is intentional, which negates the negation. And thus this class does not exist after all, because it is pointless and useless. The unforcers favorite weapon is the metallic A.
Doctor[edit | edit source]
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The medical ninja class. Although it's main function is healing, the doctor is the best at breaking and entering and concealing himself. This makes the healer able to appear anywhere for no real reason at all to heal a near-death n00b who wants to die. The doctors favorite weapon is his tactical nuke launcher, which is useful for clearing out entire dungeons (or cities for that matter) without any stress or dying yourself... at least i think you do not die yourself.
Traitor[edit | edit source]
The buffer class. Ever tried streaming a movie? ever been annoyed over the never ending buffering? The traitor is anarchy online's answer to streaming movies. The traitor's best job is standing around towns buffering people, which means your gameplay will have to be prebuffered for 3 minutes and counting. This is the traitors way of fighting as well, and is the only hope for killing doctors before a nuke goes off.
Martian Artist[edit | edit source]
The artist class. If any fans of the anime naruto accidentally saw a filler, there was a woman who could do things by doing strange things to things in paintings. The martian artist does the same thing, he/she paints a picture of you at high speed then draws a brick on another picture that gets placed approximately 300 feet above the one of you. This brick falls down and kills you. No class has thus far been able to defeat a martian artist without an eraser.
Bureaucrat[edit | edit source]
The boring class. You may as well ignore this class, no one plays it anyway. Why would you want to play a game if your way of fighting involves miles of paperwork? His most dangerous weapon is the pencil. Since no one plays this class, no one knows, but there has been rumored that the Bureaucrat can bore a Martian Artist to death before he is able to finish a picture of th e Bureaucrat.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Anarchy online is made of pure granite. This is to prevent h4x0r n00bs from breaking into the source code.
- Anarchy is remarkably similar to his twin brother, democracy. But democracy likes to spent his days offline, and whenever he's online he still stays off the line.
- The line this article constantly is referring to, doesn't exist. It is not real. It's nonexistant. It's no here! In other words, it's made of the same stuff your current outfit is.
- Although produced before World War 1, anarchy online is a replica of the famous-for-having-the-least-fame-in-the-world game world of warcraft
- Omni-tek protects you for real. They don't just ignore you and make you go through the sodding world on your own! Personally i don't know what omni-tek is, but it is mentioned very often by clanners who want to bomb omni-tek.