Ōkami

Whoops, wrong game.

Ōkami is what happens when you give Japanese game developers LSD and a charcoal drawing set. In the game, players control Amaterasu, the Goddess of the Sun who comes down from celestia in the form of a female wolf to destroy the forces of darkness. To accomplish this, she must paint mystical lines and symbols with her tail onto a magical black-and-white paper scroll-version of the world, while freezing time and carrying a flaming disk made of clay on her back.

Gameplay

The gameplay consists of Zelda-like puzzle solving and fighting against several-headed demons. Ōkami is known from its unique gameplay-feature on the game, the Celestial Brush, which is a magical paintbrush strapped tightly on Amaterasu's buttocks. Amaterasu has the power to stop the world and turn it into a paper scroll, and by painting lines and shapes on it with the Celestial Brush, her paintings come alive, and stuff like water lilies and weed plantations come out of nowhere, although most of the playing time is used on just painting penises and swastikas. Amaterasu can also slice people half with the brush his or hers guts spreading around, leaving behind a lake of blood and inner body parts, however this feature was removed from every version of the game. However, the game designers gave Amaterasu the Divine Retribution, a flaming disc Amaterasu can carry on her back, slicing the fuck out of her innocent victims.

If Amaterasu paints a line on a paper scroll-version of a person walking nearby, the person will be sliced to two pieces with his or hers guts and all inner body parts spreading all over the place and leaving behind lots of blood and other nasty stuff. But that isn't what a peace-loving god like Amaterasu does, no! Instead, throughout the game Amaterasu will learn different painting techniques which are used to treat the nature, such as reviving dead cherry trees and growing weed. By painting constellations on sky, .

Celestial Gods

Ammy testing the big TNT ball.

Throughout the story, Amaterasu and Issun free more of these Japanese Celestial Gods by painting new constellations. Each of them teaches Amaterasu ability, like how to make free bombs or fish. The Celestial Gods are:

• "Yomikami" is a Dragon and the first god you find.
• "Tachigami" is a small mouse with a sword that is too long. I think it's also a beaver or something I dunno.
• "Hanagami", a bunch of hippiemonkeys, teaching you hippie-abilities.
• "Bakugami", a dangerous giant pig with an ability to make TNT. Always on a Big TNT Ball. BIG TNT ball.
• "Nuregami", a watersnake, goddess of the ability glass of water.
• "Yumigami", a rare space rabbit from Moon.
• "Kazegami", or Kamikazekimi, teaches the power of wind.
• "Moegami", a Phoenix who smokes cigars. Blame the Japanese myths.
• "Kasugami" is... em... it's a drunken sheep, living in... a bottle full of mist... My god, where did they get all these weird ideas?
• "Kabekami", a large cat who happens to be the Goddess of Walls and teaches Amaterasu to climb up walls like Spiderman. Or, in this case, like a spider wolf.
• "Gekigami", a hot-tempered Tiger with a giant Crossbow. Yikes.
• "Itegami" is an ox. It is the final Celestial God, and it teaches Amaterasu to use a refrigerator in places where there is no refrigerator.

Plot

The story begins in a far-away island called Nippon. Nippon is a mysterious land full of ancient technology and under-developed lifestyles, sharing many similarities to the feudal era of Japan on the 1100's, such as Japan's gods and myths, the same landscape, the same weird language that makes no sense, the same currency called yen an- hold on, could Japan be just a copy of Nippon?

Anyway, the people of Nippon - known as Nipponese - are happy and simple people who do ordinary cave-man things all the time, such as fishing, enjoying the local nature and speaking their insane gibberish. One day, on the small Kamiki Village everything goes wrong, when the local drunk Sasuke gets this great idea to free an eight-headed demon from its prison after doing a bet on the pub whether the demon is real or not. As the demon, Orochi, sets free and turns every person on the village to stone, Sasuke is proven wrong, and

While traveling around, you find that small "brownie" or elf or whatever your fictitious character dictionary wants to describe him. The elf, Issun, is stealing your painting techniques to become a great enough artist to even be able to draw a good picture of you, that it might restore the faith that the people have in you, and reminding them who you really are as it turns out.

Characters

Amaterasu

I told her NOT to play with fire, but she didn't listen

Amaterasu is the main character of Ōkami and a Japanese Goddess of the Sun. She's a rude and selfish goddess, traveling through Nippon to gain her lost magic powers back in the form of a white wolf because, well, shit happens.

Amaterasu had already saved the world hundred years before the events of the game, from the same Orochi-demon, although she was known as Shiranui back then. Hundred years later, Amaterasu fears people might have forgotten all about her and so she comes back to remind that she was a real person hundred years ago and that she was famous, only to be petted by atheists and to be forgotten again.

It should be also noted that Amaterasu almost sounds like tiramisu, which is an Italian dessert made of coffee, rum, cream, mascarpone cheese and cocoa powder.

Issun

Issun is a Wandering Artist saving the World with Ammy. Issun appears for the first time on the clothing of Wood Spirit Sakyua known to Issun as "Valley of Sakyua`s chest". Issun never ate much food at all, so he remained small for the rest of his life. Issun has a really evil sense of humor, which makes the players cry often. *bohoo* Most of the time in the game, the player is forced to read (not to listen; the language spoken on Ōkami is pure nonsense) Issun`s terrible comments to nearly everything, which means that yes, mucho of sex jokes.

Mr. and Mrs. Orange

Mr. and Mrs. Orange, (not to be confused with Mr. and Mrs. Banana) are the "Main Chiefs Elders" of Kamiki Village. The Orange-section on their names comes from the oranges on top of their own heads. While Mr. Orange does all the cool stuff, like sacrificing beer for the sake of a tree sprite, Mrs. Orange makes boring stuff, like drying laundry and baking cherry cakes. I don`t know whose jobs are more useful, but drinking beer is quite cool.

Mr. and Mrs. Orange had their name from their fearful ancestors Mr. and Mrs. Kiwi. Despite the name change, slicing the fruit on top of Mr. Kiwi's house still yields "Kamiki oranges", not "Kamiki Kiwi".

Blockhead

Go to hell.

Blockhead is an ancient type of Wall living in the darkest chambers of Nippon. Yes, you read that right. Blockheads are living stone walls. The Blockhead family has 4 brothers, all stucked somewhere on your way, by some weird miracle. When you meet up with them, you can use something like 40 minutes to destroy them with your magical miracle tail, or then you can cheat. I cheated. But I won't tell you how.

Anyone who has played the game, knows how much I hate it. They suck. They are stupid. Even Oscar Wilde himself has made a quote about how much he hates them. I don't remember for sure what the exact quote was because Wilde has millions of intelligent quotes, but it was something like

I FUCKING HATE IT!!!

Although it's everyone else's opinion as well.

Orochi

Orochi is a eight-headed dragon. While the Lord of Darkness were just balling around, Orochi filled the whole world full of darkness, 100 years before the game starts. The attempt was not very successful, so Orochi died, but he died with a smile on his face knowing that Ammy kills herself a few minutes later.

Like I said, Orochi has 8 heads, and all the head represent one element. Because 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1 surprisingly is 8, Orochi has almost all of the elements from the Pokemon series. Some of the Ōkami players think this is a certain reference to the Pokemons.

Yami, the Lord of Darkness

Yami is the Lord of Darkness, the real bad guy of the game, even worse than Orochi. It may come to a surprise to the player that Yami the Lord of Darkness is just an ordinary six feet tall super ball, and not a seven-tailed moose who masters the dark arts of gastronomy, as seven-headed moose and gastronomy often appear to be Japanese myths.