Babel:OW

Welcome to The House of Pomegranates, the collection of short stories that is intended neither for the British child nor the British public. Oscar Wilde has inspired us to work on 37,686 stories and plays since opening in January 2005. Before modifying any of Wilde's works, please read the snooty writing guidelines and homo-acceptance manual. Browse: Stories | Delightful People | Famous Quotes | Abnormal People | Quite Quaint | Coherent Oscar's Picks | Straight Index | Works in other Genres...

Another Oscar Wilde picture. From: Chastity is a calling higher than marriage, and spiritually more profitable.

Oscar's Chosen Article Here at Uncyclopedia, we do not wish to promote the practise of driving above the designated speed limit. This of course is highly dangerous: as every good driver knows, once a car exceeds 65mph, the speed barrier is broken, causing the vehicle to explode in a fit of spontaneous combustion. However, because traffic cops are such tightwads, they are constantly on the lookout for innocent motorists who serve as potential 'speeders'. Although these motorists may be travelling at a completely reasonable speed (130mph), the typical police officer is required to pull over and fine at least fifty motorists per day in order to rake in their "quota" --- i.e., the obligatory total of drug/beer/doughnut/prostitute money the police force needs to amass in order to keep themselves adequately happy and stay in business. This, as one can imagine, is quite a hefty sum, so it is unsurprising to be pulled over by a policeman at regular intervals. That's why we have put together this handy guide to beat the feds and avoid receiving those irritating speeding tickets and fines. Plus! Now thickhead intercontinentally friendly! (Full article...) Recently featured: UnNews:Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; USA Joins in Support User:Y UnScripts:Quentin Tarantino's Teletubbies Pikmin Archive · Vote for featured articles · You can suggest articles for Oscar to read. More of Oscar's picks edit Why was I born with such contemporaries? May 17: Day of the Exhausted Dog 1458 - Pope Pius II declares that Spain does not exist. 1397 - The Vikings commit their most heinous crime by founding Sweden. 1865 - Abraham Lincoln turns down tickets to the Ice Capades in order to see a play 1975 - The split infinitive is invented. In protest, grammarians sets themselves on fire. NYT obit: "They died as they lived, prepared to selflessly martyr themselves for what they believed in." 1914 - Stand-up British gents die jolly-good deaths in World War I. 1982 - Pope John Paul II readmits Spain to existence, apologizes for his forepope's bigotry. 2009 - Minecraft is created by Sir Notch VII. 2012 - The word lol is finally added to the Oxford dictionary, despite numerous protests from stuffy prescriptivists like Stephen Fry. The history of the United Kingdom	edit The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it. Switzerland wins Eurovision Netherlands disqualified in final shocker YouTube is dead D.C. stink-bombed by Jihadists and Nazis Colombia Protests Exclusion from Eurovision; Britney Joins in Support (Pictured) Ship captain who wrecked Baltimore bridge defeated by Upstate New York bridge NFL imposes speed limit and bans trick plays Forecast calls for a leapin' Lousy Smarch weather Larry David gets Hinkled by Anti-Israel Protesters Taylor Swift's favorite NFL team wins rigged Super Bowl, big whoop Elon Musk plants brain chip into first human guinea pig Climate activists ruin Jackson Pollock painting, no one notices Stalemate in Ukraine: Zelenskyy flees for greener pastures Steamboat Willie enters public domain, several Mickey Mouse horror films and games announced Santa's Elves on strike UnNews finally able to write obituaries for Shaft, Bull and Chandler Will Barbenheimer beat JigSaw in his own game? Ongoing: Russian Invasion · Eurovision Recent deaths: O. J. Simpson · Bernard Hill · Nemo's first trophy · Roger Corman · Chrissie from Jaws · Drake's "whole mans career" Upcoming deaths: Kris Kristofferson · Jimmy Carter · Vladimir Putin · The U.S. Federal Budget · Richard Simmons · Kate Middleton · Market demand for Tesla cars · "New York Knicks suck" jokes (watch this jinx them lol) Today in London edit It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know... From Uncyclopedia's playwrights: ... that Euroipods is a website giving away free ipods in return for completing offers and reffering freinds to do the same? Read on
edit Recent witticisms Why is book? Halloween Ends Stranger Things (rw) G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 UnTunes:Santa Baby This is not an Article, it's a Sandwich Fairytale UnTunes:Shoes Uncyclopedia:Business (rw) Halloween Kills UnTunes:Perry the Platypus Elon's Musk UnGames:Ultimate Fishing (rw) UnTunes:Rio Herodotus (rw) Brawny Lawnmower-Humvee (rw) Steve Wozniak (rw) Narrative (rw) Bryan Adams High School Alex Trebek Lincoln Logs Brexit Where Is Everybody? UnTunes:Animal (with actual animals) Avi Toledano Eli Roth Film (remake) African American Worst 100 Reflections on 2018 Ray Charles Bernardo Butterlucci Urban Dictionary Recently published | Requested | Lacking | The brevity of wit | Lost scribblings | Consult your peers
This Month's Wit Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

Uncyclopedia's sista projects
Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia. UnNews News on crack Uncyclopedia The content-free encyclopedia Undictionary Best left unsaid UnTunes Noisy things UnGames Ways to waste away HowTo Like Ikea without the pictures UnBooks Content-free books Unquotable Useless misquotes Uncycloversity No student loans UnPoetia Dreams deferred UnDebate Debate the irrelevant UnScripts We ruin stage too Why? Because UnReviews Hack frauds UnVoyage Armchair travel Uncyclomedia The Foundation
Uncyclopedia Languages
This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 37,686 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Pig Latin! Uncyclopedia  English United Kingdom 37,686 Désencyclopédie  Français France 8936 Hikipedia  Suomi Finland 7300 Nonciclopedia  Italiano Italy 14423 백괴사전  한국어 South Korea 6303 איןציקלופדיה  עברית Israel 2187 Desciclopédia  Português Brazil 50785 アンサイクロペディア  日本語 Japan 19194 Nonsensopedia   Polski Poland 17766 伪基百科  汉语 Commie China 8269 偽基百科  正體中文 Taiwan 6417 Uncyclopedia.de  Deutsch Germany 6330 Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.      Other Uncyclopedias Inciclopedia Español Spain 12400 Spademanns Leksikon Dansk Denmark 9095 Φρικηπαίδεια Ελληνικά Greece 2812 Valenciclopèdia Català Andorra 1060 Yansiklopedi Türkçe Turkey 762 Нециклопедија Српски Serbia 456 Tolololpedia Bahasa Indonesia Indonesia 6054 Desgalipedia Galego Galicia 5009 Ikkepedia Norsk Norway 4563 Абсурдопедия Русский Russia 4466 Necyklopedie Česky Czech Republic 3530 Neciklopedio Esperanto Esperanto 3176 ไร้สาระนุกรม ไทย Thailand 3132 Oncyclopedia Nederlands Belgium and Holland 2807 Psyklopedin Svenska Sweden 2497 Necyklopedia Slovenčina Slovakia 1888 Unciklopédia Magyar Hungary 1731 Інциклопедія Українська Ukraine 1117 اللاموسوعة العربية Iraq 976 نانشنامه فارسی Iran 943 Neciklopediju Hrvatski Croatia 303 Necyclopædia Latina Vatican City 279 Pekepedia Tagalog Philippines 275 Juokopedija Lietuvių Lithuania 267 Оксипедия Български Bulgaria 234 Википедија Македонски Macedonia 175 Neciclopedie Română Romania 167 Neciklopēdija Latviešu Latvia 159 Bodohpedia Bahasa Melayu Malaysia 105 Celwyddoniadur Cymraeg Wales 103 Ebatsüklopeedia Eesti Estonia 96 Nunyepedia Asturianu Asturias 59 קיינציקלאָפעדיע יידיש Yiddish 46 Oisquipèdia Occitan Occitania 33 Butalopedija Slovenščina Slovenia 31 Neciklopedija Bosanski Bosnia 27 Kwatsjpedia Limburgs Limburgs 21 Frithchiclipéid Gaeilge Ireland 19 আনসাইক্ল োপিডিয়া বাংলা Bangladesh 17 Ndhablek Basa Jawa Java 14 Unsaiklopedia 𐌲𐌿𐍄𐌹𐍃𐌺‬ Goths 14 Goblogpedia Basa Sunda Sunda 11 Scotypedia Scots Scotland 10 ວິກິພີເດຍ ລາວ Laos 8 Hatsiklopedia Malagasy Madagascar 8 Kengencyclopedia Lëtzebuergesch Luxembourg 7 Zombiepedia Zombie Chapel 7 ანციკლ ოპედია ქართული Georgia 4 Անգրագ իտարան Հայերեն Armenia 4 Uichipedia Молдовеняскэ Moldova 4 Uncyclopedia.km ភាសាខ្មែរ Cambodia 1 Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.      Article (Main) • Eald Ænglisc (Old English) • Babelfish • Blog • CafeMess (CafePress) • We get signal. (Engrish) • Galactic Basic Standard • Hitlerbear • Lietuvių Jiaunimų kalba • iHumor (Apple) • 1337 (Leet) • Re: PharmaccgRy (Mail Spam) • 조선말 (North Korean) • Newspeak • Nub (N00b) • Wildeizms (Oscar Wilde) • Manx (Pirate) • Middle Egyptian (Hieroglyphic) • Napulitana (Neapolitan) • Trekkies • Simple English • Testament • AAAAAAAAA! (Vagrant) • Vèneto (Venetian) • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese) • White Nationalist (White Supremacist) Complete list • Multilingual coordination • Requests for new languages

Uncyclopedia is made possible through contributions from readers like you.

All donations go toward the continuation of Uncyclopedia and its community of volunteer editors. If Uncyclopedia has ever made you laugh then we invite you to donate and help us pay for our expensive server(s). You can make all donations using your PayPal account or debit/credit card here. You can also support your local Uncyclopedia by purchasing merchandise from our merchandise store where 15% of all sales goes toward Uncyclopedia. If you cannot donate but still want to help Uncyclopedia monetarily, you can click some of the ads in our e-store to help us keep the rest of the site ad free.

---

For Oscar-related chatter, see this room to talk about Oscar.

Protected by Oscar's wit, and an elite clan of peasantry.