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Welcome to SysRq, the motivational userpage that I'd rather you didn't edit 41,110 articles funnier than mine

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You are wasting this internet site's time. You should be writing something, but instead you are just sitting there, waiting for it to entertain you. You could even be the Time Magazine Person of the Year. Don't you have any sense of responsibility? How can you live with yourself? Think about all the times you've laughed heartily at some passing rejoinder in the forums, guffawed mightily at a clever turn of phrase on your talkpage, or even politely smiled at some article during your favorite Uncyclopedia program: HumorSearch. Don't you think you owe it to this wiki to put in at least a semblance of effort to return the favor? You should cease and desist all extraneous and benign activity and write an article. (Full article...) Recently featured: You Rob Gronkowski Kirkification Osu! Archive · Vote for featured articles · Did you know... *... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'? ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'? ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'? ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one? ... that on 17 June 2007, Britain was mercilessly hit by an attack of 'falling water'?	In the news Too bad you can't customize this in the original. Uncyclopedia servers shit themselves for two days straight Tomodachi Life sequel to be released in April (Pictured) Donald Trump still really, really wants Greenland Alaska to pay for damages to Exxon Valdez Buffalo Bills owner Terry Pegula proven to be clueless, fires the wrong guy Denver Broncos quarterback Bo Nix accidentally curses himself in playoff win Ongoing: Eurovision Green Room in danger of sexual harassment • The wait for GTA VI and Spaceballs 2 • Larry Sanger's war on Wikipedia • Non-Bears invading Tennessee • Nanny state officials breaching people's privacy rights via enforcing social media bans and digital ID under the pretext of "think of the children!" • New England Patriots fans being insufferable like it's 2016 • r/TheDarnold having a field day • ICE-y chaos in Minnesota • Fallout from the Epstein Files • Winter Olympics Recent deaths: The MetroCard • Stranger Things • the other Black guy from John Carpenter's The Thing • Bob Weir • Scott Adams • Kianna Underwood • Buffalo Bills', San Francisco 49ers', Houston Texans' and Da Bears' seasons • Bo Nix's ankle • Sean McDermott's Bills tenure • Denver Broncos' and Los Angeles Rams' seasons • Uncyclopedia • Catherine O'Hara • Lamont Not dead: Dick Van Dyke, who's 100, bitches!! Upcoming deaths: Donald Trump • NYC's economy • Weed • Dick van Dyke, eventually • Netflix • Dancin' Maduro • Aaron Rodgers' career • Iran's government • The careers of everyone named in the Epstein Files (cough cough Bill and Hillary Clinton) • Travis Kelce On this day... February 8: Royals Named Elizabeth Day 1856 BC - Hebrews arrive at the Promised Land, start worshiping Baal, which makes Yahweh totally jealous. 1020 BC - Rome is built in 24 hours and 12 minutes. 76 AD - Philosopher Octavius Libido publishes his masterpiece, "Indoor Plumbing: the Devil Incarnate", Rome is then destroyed by Typhoid. 1587 - Mary, Queen of Scots is executed by Elizabeth I after US Weekly says Mary wore it better. 1819 - Mary Shelley creates Dr. Frankenstein, who rebels against his creator by not even calling during the holidays. 1952 - Elizabeth II is crowned Queen of the United Kingdom, immediately starts merchandising. 2001 - California Adventure declares its independence from Disneyland, establishes its own currency and military.
Featured picture One of the seven wonders of the pre-feminist movement, the Colossus of Barbie stands as a silent sentinel, ever-watching, over Toydom's "Valley of the Dolls." In an ode to its majesty, Percy Bysshe Shelley declared: That all the world remains, to seem, unchanged, Her triumph o'er the rivers, wrath, and range, Of her immortal gaze, fixed cold with steel, I dare not but apease her wealth with meal. But, yet, Man has not seen her to the test; What's more, pity I couldn't bugger her like all the rest. This is evidence that when the monument was built, people were of the belief that God was indeed a woman. Take that, Benedict XVI! Image credit: Prettiestpretty View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images
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Writer and Noob of the Month Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome! So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore. Let us all clap for him because I said so. Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage! Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls. Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners