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A Civil War is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle.

Civil wars are defined by a few chief characteristics. The Blitzkrieg Bop, for instance, was famous for its angular guitar rhythms and use of armor and dive-bombers to spearhead a motorized assault straight through the heart of an opposing force. Civil War, however, is based on these precepts: (Full article...)

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... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)

... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?

... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)

... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?

... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

... that "crack" is the hood's most effective diet pill? (Pictured)

... that hitting your kids may be beneficial to their health, or at the very least amusing to you?
... that Alexander isn't really that Great?
... that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.
... that cow tipping is a term that describes the custom of giving bovines an additional sum of money in exchange for their milk, meat, or other services?
... that 100% of people who make good life choices die?
... that one person can change the world, but the admins will probably just revert it?
... that the process of dying and coming back to life as a cow is known as reincownation?

... that there's only a slight difference between you and me? (Pictured)

... that a bird in the hand is better than crabs in your bush?
... that Freddie Mercury was banned in some European countries due to his extremely radioactive last name?
... that Jimmy Mozzarella is pissing in your closet?
... that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
... that the amazing sensation of excruciatingly warm liquid on the genitals is just one of many reasons to pour boiling hot water down your trousers?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that you can get great deals on Vietnamese clothing imports if you buy now?

Archive – Suggest new entries

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On this day...
February 18: Penis Day (Tonga) 4000 BC - Men discover their hands reach down to their genitals, and there is peace for three thousand years before they get bored and start killing each other with pointy sticks. 1791 - American imperialists "liberate" the state of Vermont because of its vast maple syrup reserves. 1861 - Jefferson Davis is declared president of the Confederacy after saying the "hard R" N-word fifty times in only six seconds. 1885 - Mark Twain's Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is published, its numerous grammatical errors are labelled by the publisher as a regional dialect. 1970 - The Chicago Seven are found guilty of being dirty commie hippies who might as well be guilty. 2010 - WikiLeaks publishes hundreds of thousands of classified documents revealing exactly where the U.S. keeps its nudes. View tomorrow – More anniversaries...

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St. Michael the Archangel attempts to slay Charles Darwin to prevent him from revealing Michael's horrible secret. Darwin, belonging to the fitter of the species, survived.

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Writer and Noob of the Month

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.

Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

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