Republic of Locombia
|Motto: "Leave it that way."|
|In dark green: actual and wanted territory. In light green: invasion in process.|
|Official language||Spanish, Really retarded gibberish like Spanish, Spanglish, Locombian, various indigenous and unintelligible languages|
|Capital||Bogotá or Cali,it depends on wether you would like to get stuck in traffic for days or stabbed repeatedly (Cocaine is available at both)|
|Transitional Leader||Juan Manuel Santos,|
|National Heros||Francisco Javier Maturana, 'El Pibe' Valderrama, Juan Pablo Montoya, René Higuita, José Gabriel Ortiz|
|Tha Chieftain||Again: Alvaro "The Pacifier" Uribe|
|Exports||drugs, bananas, drugs, coffee, flowers, lame NASCAR drivers, meh F1 drivers, Juanes, Shakira, drugs, pretty lame soap operas, some other TV crap, fake euros and dollars, piracy,corrupt politicians escaping arrest did we mention drugs?...|
|Religion||Jesus followers, some crappy a(s)sh(ole)kenazis, very few good fellas muslims,Jews (no really) various indigenous and unintelligible beliefs, negro beliefs.|
The Republic of Locombia is a beautiful territory (for everybody) located at the north eastern corner of Latinia and predominantly inhabited by so-called colombia (it's also widely and internationally known as Colombia or locally -by about the 90% of the population- as nice people).
If it weren't for some real bad, nasty guys who have profited from illegal business such as blackmailing, bribing, faking international currency, exporting interior war, f**king with motherf**ker Chávez and quite recently, dealing with coke and some other substances that are well received in a great part of the USA, the Netherlands, Holy Mother
of shit Spain and a wide arrange of euro crappy countries.
Colombians are known to be obnoxiously happy, to party like there is no tomorrow (Caleñan people) (incidentally, there might not be a tomorrow, so who gives a sh&t!) and enjoy their lives a little too much to care about anything, even getting mugged, kidnapped, blown up, flooded, or even caring to move away from the volcanoes (I'm seeing you, Pasto!). Additionally, Colombians are known to SEIZE EVERY-SINGLE-MOTHER-FVKIN-OPPORTUNITY-WHILE-NOT-GIVING-ANYONE-ELSE-A-CHANCE from all situations possible, which have led to some infamous dudes, all of the presidents to date and some very talented face-first-into-concrete Olympic divers.
Well, there has been a war for like a half a century there, so not even the USA has even dared to fix that mess, even when they are their single ally in South America and have been KISSY-KISSY with each other since Teddy Roosevelt stole Panama from this guy.
For anyone unrelated with Spanish language (which are the most here at the glorious Uncyclopedia), Locombia wouldn't be nothing more than some sh*tty name unless we translated it to the universal language: the Esperanto (popularly known as English: as opposed to traditional knowledge, English and Esperanto are nothing but the same thing): then we could have Mad Colombia or Crazy Colombia or Crazy Columbus (that was a seriously crazy guy, who could even think that Earth is round?). Mad, crazy... we don't care which is the goddamn American expression and which is the bloody British expression but we'd rather choose the Brit one. Colombia=crazy, mad, sometimes angry people. There's your explanation ladies and gentlemen.
While Colombians believe they speak superior Spanish, Bogotans have stuck up accents reminiscent of Paris Hilton,They kill the spanish there. However, when a Columbian says "¿Capisce?" while holding an automatic weapon, it is advisable to just nod and say "¡Sì, señor!". In fact, no matter how much difficulty you have in understanding them, nodding and doing what they want is advisable.
Locombia has been arguably considered as a free capitalistic colony of the United Steaks of America. The institution is based on a treaty of the Mafia with additions from the French Decleration of Independence. Its government is erected quadruannally and maybe, centennially, due to Uribe's self-perpetuation in power (that includes his children, bastards and others in the near and far future). It is important to note that along with Jorg Busch, Uribe shares it's Powersauce with King of New York Christopher Walken who often rules as an interim dictator.
A vast production of recreational drugs. And if something different than raw material for making drugs happens to grow, believe us that they'll figure out how to make drugs out of it.
- Shakira (At least a 5% of her)
- Juan Pablo Montoya "A.K.A. HP Montoia"
- Alvaro Uribe
- The Good Side of Oscar Wilde
- Yoda (Believe it or not, Locombian he was)
- This Guy (or maybe That Guy)
- Alejandra "faggotrape" Otálora
- Camila "shit" Posada
- Uncle Sam
- your local dealer
- Your neighbours maid
- Gabriel Garcia Marquez (who?)
trollface Bohmer Nelson Mandela