Catspace

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Oh, yeah.

Catspace is a parallel universe in which the extraterrestrial beings known as cats and kittens are created. Both the positive and negative energies of Catspace expand and contract, until they form the image of the quadrupedal animal we all know as feline. These energies are then given gifts by the great cosmos- a physical form and sentience. A cat's fur color is chosen before it is born. Contrary to popular belief, a black cat is the embodiment of positive Catspace energy, while a white cat is negative energy. Other colors, such as calico and tabby, carry varying amounts of positive and negative energies, rendering them a neutral being. When created, all cats start out as kittens, and are ferried across the river Styx by the ferryman, Charon. Once they reach the Earth, these kittens go forth and learn of the world. In some cases, an excess of cat energy will form into a lion, tiger, leopard or other big cats which are treated like normal cats in Catspace but in the human world they are ignored or, in few cases domesticated (Usualy by some crazy hoarder.) Catspace is completely unlimited and, therefore continues forever. Certain cats can perform mitosis, while others have no legs and are forced to pseudopod around. Any cats with these abnormalities will kept in Catspace until the flow of time brings about a supernova, reducing the cat to supernova remnant and chunks of antimatter.

The problem with cats arriving upon the Earth is that sometimes, positive and negative energies become too taxing on the felines' cells; this malfunction is corrected by the Cat Sheep Theory. What this equates to is that the population of cats is directly proportionate to that of sheep in New Zealand. If they continue to spawn after this quota has been reached, there will be a great and unfathomable catastrophe because Catspace is parallel to our world. Should this catastrophe come to fruition, there will be things no one should ever see. We will witness unsolvable murders, weeks of agonizing raids, relentless, unexplained attacks, gout, goiters, plague, and anthrax. This will doubtlessly be followed by new and unconventional threats, culminating in the apocalypse as outlined in Fallout.

Economy[edit]

All Hail Queen Precious the First!

A mysterious small coin known as the Miao is the national currency of Catopia. The intergalactic exchange rate of the U.S. dollar to the Miao is approximately 3.14 and it varies, depending on the mood of the cats. The Miao traditionally depicts the noble visage of the current matriarch, Queen Aurora Shizuka Zephyr Starbreeze, whom we all know as "Precious the First."

The main exports of Catspace are catnip, salmon, mouse steak, shiny objects, tinsel, sunlight, exotic plants, blue lemonade, cuteness, and weapons of mass destruction. Humans are entirely dependent upon the cats' trade, and if it were not to exist, it is believed that the human race would dwindle into nothingness.


Catopians are also advocates for the abolishment of kitten huffing. Naturally, their system of ethics finds it wrong to suck a kitten's soul out through its nose. They passed the Anti Huffing Act of 1812 in October of 1796, proclaiming that no cats may be huffed. Breaking this law will result in torture by righteously-enraged felines.

Geography[edit]

A Tricat in its natural habitat, the Whitespace

Unlike the "real world", Catspace is composed of one Pangaea-like continent surrounded by a sea of blue lemonade. The continent is christened Catopia, Home of the Mighty Cats. The capital city, Arx Felis, has buildings composed entirely of alabaster, and the streets are paved with gold. This explains why they (cats) hold us (humans) in such high disdain.

Because of their physical geography, the only way they can reach the place we call Earth is by means of Charon. Charon's boat is composed of a rare tristinium compound which is somehow resistant to the blue, lemony goodness.

The formidable sea of blue lemonade is maintained and preserved by Catopia's minister of security, the Kitty Lemon. The population of Catspace can be deduced by the simple formula c=({\frac  {3}{5}}{\sqrt  s})\times (\pi ^{{3}}), where c is the cat population and s is the sheep population of New Zealand.

Additionally, there is another part of Catspace that is two dimensional, known as Whitespace, and is inhabited soley by Tricats. Unlike the rest of Catspace, Whitespace is connected to the real world by anything flat and white. Tricats have been known to escape from Catspace through Whitespace.

Without a practical way to bond the cat and toast, the device is useless.

Returning to Catspace[edit]

As demonstrated by countless Cat-Toast Device experiments, the cat seems to disappear after being exposed to adhesive. Scientists have concluded that glue is actually the antiparticle to the cat. Therefore, upon contact, the cat annihilates, creating a miniature black hole in the process. Other scientists hypothesize that the black hole is actually a gateway to Catspace, where the cat retreated out of fear. Some "researchers" at the National Enquirer think that the cat merely gets upset at having glue on its fur and runs away. These are bald-faced lies and should be ignored.

See also[edit]