Welsh Cinema

This article may be Overly British

Americans may not understand humour, only humor. Canadians and Australians may not understand anything at all. Don't change a thing to remedy this.

---

Welsh cinema started in the late 60's with popular films such as The Good, The Bad, and the Swansea and Why Delilah?.

Overview of Welshploitation

A popular genre of film started in the early 70's and ended in the early 90's made famous by films such as Bunfight at the O.K. Tea Rooms, Ghetto Blaster and Dragon Shit all directed by John Prescott during his early career when he only weighed a ton.

Swansea Sex Films (Sex Comedy)

Swansea Sex is by far the most successful sex comedy released in Wales even though it is a pile of trash it had big name holywood actors such as Barbara Windsor, Kenneth Williams, Gary Glitter and Mary Whitehouse (mother of Paul Whitehouse). Swansea Sex 2 is set to be released in March 2009 after getting only one of the original actors back.

Movie Poster for Swansea Sex 2

Other Popular Sex Comedies

• Mr Fister (1980)
• Llewelyn Get's Laid (1984)
• The Horrors of Swansea Prison (1990)
• Shagged to Death (1993)

Manuel's Hotel's (Comedy)

Manuel's Hotel's this film stars Andrew Sachs as Manuel who opens his own hotel but starts to get very funny offensive calls about his dirty slutty granddaughter from two comedians Russell Brand and Jonathan Woss to be made by The Welsh Film Company and released in March 2009.

Movie Poster For Manuel's Hotel's

The Pointless Derby (Sport)

The most popular football film in this country has got to be The Pointless Derby which is about Swansea FC and Cardiff FC playing against each other and never scoring goals the most dullest film you will ever see!

Dafydd Bond Films (Action)

The by far best action film to come out of this industry in Wales is Dafydd Bond:Goldenpussy this was an instant hit in Wales and had Huw Ceredig as Dafydd and Judi Wench as Mmmmmm.... it was released in 1975.

Sequels

• Dafydd Bond:Moonraper - (1995) Dafydd Bond has to stop an evil man from achieving his lifelong dream of raping the Moon.
• Dafydd Bond:Dr. No Don't Touch Me There - (2009) Dafydd Bond is captured by an evil man wanting to rape him.
• Dafydd Bond:Licence To Say Never - (2010) Plot under wraps.

Homosexual Tendencies in the Valleys (Romantic)

The most entertaining Romantic film to come out of Wales has got to be Homosexual Tendencies in the Valleys this film is about a gay man (Graham Norton) moving to the Valleys and tries to have sex with the local man who claims to be the only gay in the village. To be followed by a sequel in 2009.

The Dai Film Series (Animation)

The best animation film from Wales has to be Dude Where's Dai's Car? in which a mentally challenged man called Dai loses his car and tries to find it, released in November 1997 it starred Lee Evans as Dai.

Where's Dai's Car Movie Poster

Sequels

• Finding Dai - (June 2003) Dai gets lost in an Aquarium for some reason or other.
• Daitanic - (January 2009) Dai decides to go on a new ocean-liner called the HMS Lucifer.
• Dai Hard - (May 2009) Dai becomes a copper for Swansea West Police Station.
• Alien Vs. Dai - (October 2009) Plot under wraps
• The Dai Vinci Code - (March 2010) Plot under wraps

Snapes On A Plane (Horror)

The most popular Welsh horror film is definently Mutherfukin Snapes on a Plane the spinoff to the Harry Pothead films. It has Alan Rickman starring as his famous role the transvestite Professor Snape he had to appear 200 times to fill the economy section of the Boeing 747, while a passenger Samuel L Jackson notices they are getting angry with the cabin crew and goes and defends the crew while fighting off magical powers from the Snapes. here's a quote from the film:

• “Let's get these mutherfukin Snapes off this mutherfukin plane!”

  ~ Samuel L Jackson on Mutherfukin Snapes on a Plane

Owain Glyndwr Films (Historical Sport)

Owain Glyndwr's Footy Manager was released on 2nd January 2009 it features Rob Brydon as Glyndwr, Jeremy Clarkson and Anne Robinson in their lead roles as the Welsh-Haters aka England Football Team. The plot is based around Glyndwr shapeshifting from the 11th century and moving to the 21st century in order to help Wales football team to win the 2010 football world cup in the final against England.

Owain Glyndwr's Footy Manager (Click For Full Image)

Sequel

Owain Glyndwr's Darts Coach (the title pretty much gives the plot away) will be the second film which will have Glyndwr returning but this time helping a struggling darter (Huw Ceredig). Owain Glyndwr's Rugby Boss will be the sequel if the second film beats it budget of £1,000,000 by £800,000.

Poster for Owain Glyndwr's Dart's Coach (Click For Full Image)

The Voyage To Iceland (Adventure)

The Voyage To Iceland is an Adventure film starring Kerry Katona (aka Jabba the Hutt as she is stuck in her own mini-dream of being surrounded by partttte cakes and chickennnn nuuuugets in her local frozen food store.

Film Companies

A few film companies have been set-up over the years in Wales including:

• Tits And Ass Productions - (1975-present) Known for making Swansea Sex and the Dafydd Bond Films
• Welsh Film productions - (1958-1987) Known for making the mega movie flop The Pointless Derby which made £0.01p at the box office
• Taffia Films - (1994-present) Known for making animated films such as Dude, Where's Dai's Car and Finding Dai sequel to Dude, Where's Dai's Car which invloves Dai finding his car, but getting lost in an aquarium. A third planned movie is being made called Daitanic which will involve Dai getting on a ship with disastrous results!
• The Welsh Film Company - (2008-present) Started in 2008 to make a hard hitting docu-film The Pain Of The People Of Cardiff about the people of Cardiff's lives who are a misery because they live there.