Pussy
“This article is about cats, which are soft and furry entities sometimes encountered in biological research. For other uses, see Pussy (disambiguation).”
A pussy, also known as a kitten, is a small furry feline animal[1] believed to live both in cathouses and in the wild. Whether it is edible is a matter of dispute, but many cunning linguists suggest that it may in fact be the source of much sought-after poontang. It has also been hypothesized to be the location of the G-spot.
Pussies have been known to be made into pies and even compared to warm apple pie. There is also believed to be a cherry flavor, although these are very rare.
Men, women, and pussy[edit | edit source]
Some men would contend there is something fishy about that claim; nevertheless, it remains in high demand.
The pussy industry is controlled by women, a fact which often results in frustration among men. Women are also the major proponents of the idea that pussy can and should be eaten. Those who subscribe to this view are known as cunning linguists.[2]
A license must be obtained to legally keep a pussy in your home. You must also register your pussy with the local fire department. Pussies are not commonly sold in markets and stores. They can, however, be rented out from street corners, and the occasional back alley.
Commercial uses of pussy and pussy liquids[edit | edit source]
Some scientists suggest that getting a wet pussy wiped on your face every day when you wake up is very good for your memory, and has totally no side effects. Bottles of pussy liquids are available for sale on the market. These liquids are frequently sold as "amazing healing oil" since they do an excellent job of removing pimples or scars on your face. If you cannot afford it, you can even collect the liquids by yourself! Simple task, easy to get and perfectly safe. Pussy liquids from other animals such as cows, crabs, goats, or even baboons have different effects. Let's take the cow as an example: The pussy liquid from the cow is often mixed with shit, and using them instead of soap when you wash your hands with make your hand even cleaner than soap, and, most surprisingly, it has an antibacterial effect. All the pussy liquids from all creatures have their own special effect, but remember, fish pussy don't work! If you see a "fish pussy liquid" product, don't buy it. It's likely that the liquid is the urine of the shopkeeper's momma. Remember to check the "best-before" date before buying any of those liquids. Highly recommended for teenagers and seniors.
How to use pussy liquid to make you younger[edit | edit source]
All pussy liquids, no matter from what animal, have totally no side effects. It's suggested to use 10ml of those nice and good smelling liquids per day, except for cow's and crab's pussy products. You can use as much cow-pussy (CoP for short) and crab-pussy (CRP for short) liquids as you like in a day because they don't work as efficiently as other pussy liquids. Furthermore, you can use them as perfumes. The CoP liquid has a strong, grassy smell. Do wipe some when you go to parties and weddings. CRP liquids have, as you might know, a crabby smell. Lower quality CRP's smell like surimi sticks, so avoids buying those. Higher quality CRP is used as a perfume in France because French doesn't take baths, but instead, use perfume to cover up the unbearable scent. It doesn't work.
And[edit | edit source]
Fuck you and your mom, Rick Moranis. Fuck you and your pussy-whipped friends! My book broke because of you, pussy!
See also[edit | edit source]
Footnotes[edit | edit source]
- ↑ This makes it hard to understand why some people refer to pussies as beavers, as beavers are not feline. (They're rodents.) Such people, although not necessarily stupid, would seem to be so incomprehensibly ignorant of elementary biology that they are unable to detect the difference between Tom and Jerry.
- ↑ Nonetheless, some notable men have been known to savor pussy cuisine, among them James Bond, your neighborhood pedophile, and the Chinese.