User talk:Honest Guv

Welcome To Uncyclopedia* Hello, Honest Guv, and welcome to Uncyclopedia *! Thank you for registration & your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. Please take this time to read some of our help guides provided below. Beginner's Guide How to be funny and not just stupid If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia* or need more help with something, try these: Join the Revolution with UNSOC About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia* How to get started editing on Uncyclopedia* Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date. If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, ask an Administrator, chat with users on the IRC, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! Sincerely, -- * ☭ This Is NOT A Communist Website. However, The User That Has Welcomed You Is A Communist. Workers Of The World Unite! ☭

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Fuck Bush

I Needed Help! …and all I got was this lousy template. (Were your questions answered? We hope so!)

I've just done some serious research (i.e. counting Google hits) and I've discovered that more men would like to fuck George W Bush than would like to fuck Angelina Jolie. I think this important and verifiable information should be added to the George W. Bush page and the various other pages about him but, for some reason, they all seem to be locked. Please help.

PS. I've looked at the page on homosexuality but, strangely, George W. Bush isn't mentioned there.

What on earth were you googling, son? Oh, and, if you find yourself "confused"(no double-meaning intended), you should probably take a look at the official uncyclopedia policy thing. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:03, Oct 7

Seriously, I was looking at the reference sources on Wikipedia and I found that their professional lexicographers count Google hits so as to determine which spelling (or whatever) is the one in common use. So, to test Wikipedia's reliability, I searched Google for male+wants+to+fuck+george+w+bush and male+wants+to+fuck+angelina+jolie and Bush got more hits. Honest Guv 17:15, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

So....what do you need help with? That template is for things you actually need help with, and from what I can tell, you seem to have this whole Bush-fucking issue sorted out. So, again, why did you tag your page with help? P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:21, Oct 7

Oh, sorry chum, it's just that I'm a newbie and I thought perhaps the idea of Uncyclopedia was to promulgate information. However, now that I know that contributors come here only to talk to themselves, please tell me, why have some of my private thoughts been suppressed (or "huffed" as the administrators prefer to call it)?Honest Guv 17:39, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

And there's another thing, where am I supposed to post my response, you page or mine? Honest Guv 17:32, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Pages tend to get huffed if they are either very short or unfunny. A three-line page will get huffed in about 10 minutes here. If you're gonna make a page, put some effort into it. There's UN:DUMB for tips on comedy, I strongly suggest you read it, it's very helpful. Also, we can talk here on your talk page, I'm watching it. Ping pong conversations get annoying. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:33, Oct 7

Who's the comic here? Where I come from, the best jokes are the short ones.

Maybe so, but what's funnier, if a comic comes on stage and tells one short joke and leaves, or if they come up, do a half-hour-long act and get in dozens of jokes? P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:41, Oct 7

You work for Wikipedia, I can tell. Honest Guv 17:44, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Nope. Uncyclopedian, through and through. Ask anyone here, and they'll tell you the same things I have. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:45, Oct 7

I'll believe you, although millions wouldn't, and the reason I say that is, there's room for other styles of comedy. The comedian who makes many short quips at the right moments will entertain more people more often than those who prepare a 30-minute sketch and so demand extended effort from their audiences. Anyway, it doesn't matter, if lengthy jokes are the policy of you and your chums then I'm on the wrong web site, and lurking around the anal passages of Wikipedia is just as much fun. However, if ever I find that I have anything I can't express concisely, then I shall return. Honest Guv 17:56, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Like I said, you can find a page all about what people tend to find funny on this page. And, there are a few very short pages here. However, they just tend to get old, which is why longer pages are encouraged. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 17:59, Oct 7

I've read that page and my point is, you'll do no one a service by defining humour, regulating it and patrolling it. If people want that kind of fun, they can look for a parking space on a Saturday. Uncyclopedia is doing to satire what Wikipedia is doing to accepted wisdom. Honest Guv 18:12, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Incidentally, one-liners and short jokes can often be worked into existing articles, thereby improving them. The Bush thing, for example, could almost certainly have been made into an entire paragraph on one of the many Dubya pages. RabbiTechno 18:02, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Oh, and evidently, we're all on crack. ~ 18:05, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

I'm more of a, like, toker myself, man. RabbiTechno 18:07, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Damn it! *self smacking* ~ 18:11, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

W-W-W-What, crack? W-W-Where is it? G-G-G-GIVE ME THE DAMN CRACK!! P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 18:13, Oct 7

Thank you RabbiTechno for telling me to do what I wanted to do in the first place but couldn't. If I wanted that kind of help then I'd have read Torah instead of bothering TheLedBalloon. Honest Guv 18:18, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

I wouldn't do that to Mordillo's talkpage if I were you - that sort of thing tends to lead to a ban pretty sharpish. Hopefully no-one saw it...shhhhh! By the way, don't worry too much with the Torah, I never bothered reading it myself :) RabbiTechno 18:55, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

That was my user page, not my talk page, and that is considered to be extremely ill mannered around here. ~ 19:21, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Aha! So it's Mordillo who's in charge, eh! Gordon Bennett 19:05, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Nobody's in charge. There is no Cabal, remember? P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:13, Oct 7

I compliment you all on a most informative discussion. By banning the user Honest Guv, you make it absolutely clear that his point was well-founded all along: that Uncyclopedia are the fascists of humour control. True Colours 19:22, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

So adding a stupid and insulting template to three user pages equals comedy? -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 19:27, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

It's you who has a cross on his forehead, not Honest Guv. True Colours 19:31, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Are you talking to me? I'm just pointing out why he you got banned. -- Hi, hey! I'M A MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER 19:45, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Yup, you caught us, we're all fascists. Ignore that blatantly communist welcome at the top of your talk page, because we here at uncyc are fascists through-and-through. Hail Hitler, Mussolini, and all those other fascist guys! Yeah, go fascism! P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:28, Oct 7

You make rules about what makes a joke, you patrol and police those rules, and you eliminate those who defy your interpretations of the rules. That's control, protectionism, elitism and fascism. True Colours 19:36, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

Oh, and it's totalitarianism too. That's where "Unsoc" comes in. True Colours 19:37, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

I know, I.....just said that.... P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 19:38, Oct 7

I'm probably too late and too serious for this, but... Hnng. They're not rules. They're guidelines. Hence "tend to find funny", as Led said. You can be funny while ignoring every one of them, it's just a lot harder. People generally aren't banned for just not being funny (I'm still here...) but for being obnoxious or antagonistic, or for vandalism. Guess what happened here? New articles get huffed if they look bad. Anything that seems to have promise is give a chance in the ICU. You can avoid this with the use of construction tags, or by starting articles in your userspace. Get them reviewed, people will generally try to help - not to get your article to conform, but just to be better. I'm not a colossal fan of the gross-out humor Manforman's using in the Booger King article, but I've tried to suggest ways he can take it further, for example. There are many things that make few people laugh. Shit, I could write 20 pages now of things that have made me laugh and nobody else, ever. But that would be pointless. This is a place where we try to make other people laugh (well, most of the time...), and if no-one else laughs, you've missed the point. Finally, if articles have been here a little while, they get voted on for deletion. If you can get enough other people who find the article funny to vote "keep", it stays. What's totalitarian about that? Oh, and the Bush pages are protected because they get vandalised a lot. Apparently - and you'll laugh about this - there are people who think it's funny to replace the entire page with "is a gay faggot", "I hate George Bush" or something similar. And it gets *really* boring reverting it. /me suddenly snaps out of it. Blimey, I shouldn't get sucked in to this. Chill out! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 10:30, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

Are we having fun yet?

Sheesh! You guys should hear yourselves, and about humor? Now why don't you finish off here and and run along some place where you can have some fun. Betty Boop 20:51, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!! I'll have an awful time here if I want to! Fun, you say? Bah, humbug. Fun on a humor website? Pshaw. Did we have fun in Vietnam? NO, DAMMIT! Is that question relevant? I seriously doubt it! But, the point remains. The point is that there is, in fact, no point. No point to any of this. Good day to you, sir. P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:26, Oct 7

The right of reply

I asked Honest Guv to review this dialogue and he asked me to post the following statement.

“ "Dear Uncyclopedia Community,

At the invitation of Useful Diplomatic Intermediary, I returned to this page and read the dialogue posted after I'd been banned by Uncyclopedia, including the explanation by Under user.

I accept that in the interest of your global success, you need to maintain certain standards and that, for that purpose, you need to have standards. What shocked me is that my earliest responses to your invitation to contribute were promptly removed without trace and without consultation with the author. Such behaviour alarmed me since it was clearly described by George Orwell in his work "1984" and was particularly unexpected by me in the light of the welcome I had received by Unsoc.

Given the nature of totalitarian regimes and their notorious and manipulative use of propaganda, I felt that perhaps I had fallen into a trap designed to put me at ease long enough to expose my real inclinations and objectives, and that feeling was confirmed when I was abruptly banned from making any further comment; ostensibly because I had violated other users' personal space with my cynical observations. If that was the real objection then I would only ask where else I may better place my cynical observations.

While experienced Uncyclopedia users could simply and easily have offered the direction I'd sought, they reacted by using (by some standards abusing) their powers and silencing a voice that may well have helped them in their overall objective. All of this is indicative of the failures of totalitarian regimes.

However, I accept on studying your extended arguments (thanks to the action of Useful Diplomatic Intermediary) that you may have been reacting to a perceived threat, and perhaps for good reason, although I feel that may be a generous assumption on my part.

If you will understand that summarily suppressing the support of a new voice and, instead of granting its author the experienced advice he or she requests, only referring the author to the rules (or guidelines if you prefer), is not conducive to your objectives, then we can all learn - which, I hope, is among our mutual objectives.

I think the moral of this episode, if there is one, is to use the individual's thought process and not the collective thought machine.

Yours sincerely,

With all good wishes to Uncyclopedia,

Honest Guv"

”

Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 20:40, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

You were blocked from editing a humor wiki for one day. Don't you think that maybe you are overreacting just a little bit? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:48, Oct 10

According to Honest Guv, he was blocked from everything and for more than one day, and in any event, no one told him from what he was blocked, for how long, or why. So, the answer to your question must be "No". Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 20:57, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

Nope he was blocked for only and exactly one day. This link is the proof. Click it. You know you want to. And, I have been blocked before. It says your reason for being blocked and how long it is for right when you try to edit a page. I think it also directs you to Uncyclopedia:Chat, where you can go to discuss blocks. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:06, Oct 10

OK, I'll tell Honest Guv what you said, but again you're referring him to the rules and I reckon that will only make things worse. Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 21:19, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

I didn't direct "him" to the rules. I linked him to his block log and to the uncyc's IRC channel. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:27, Oct 10

Ah, I think I see what the problem is, TheLedBalloon, you're a Windows user, aren't you. Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 21:37, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

What's it to ya, PUNK??? Don't start an operating system v. operating system brawl you can't finish, BEEATCH! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:40, Oct 10

It's not the operating system that concerns me, TheLedWalloon, it's the mindset. Anyway, if you don't mind, I'll close the argument now while I'm winning. I have an orphanage to feed and get to bed and then I have to check on all the elderly in the neighborhood before I go to chapel and pray for you. Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 21:47, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

Yep, I can't fight it anymore, you "win" the "argument". How dare I try to point a new user in the right direction. I'm offended at myself, for myself, and all by myself. Next time I'll give the obligatory "FU n00b lol stfu go dye", I promise. Have fun at the orphanage, I-- what? Too soon? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 21:57, Oct 10

I knew I'd win you over, TheLedWalloon. Welcome to the Sisters of Anarchy. From now on you can do as you like, rules or no rules. You can even ignore guidelines if you wish. Want to come with me and fuck Sophia? Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 22:28, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

I would, but I'm pretty sure she's yours. To the victor go the spoils, right? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:34, Oct 10

Oh, then you've already met her. Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 22:38, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

Honest Guv says "Fuck the rules!"

Fuck the rules! Honest Guv 21:26, 10 October 2007 (UTC)

I told you so. Useful Diplomatic Intermediary 21:27, 10 October 2007 (UTC)