User talk:Erviltnec

Attention!

Hello, Erviltnec, and welcome to the army! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you hate the place and decide to stay. If not, we'll get the sniper ready.Anyway, here are a few good links for recruits:

• Troop Field Book
• How to not be gunned down and not be stupid

If you don't die at all, read the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five ways to repair a machine gun
• How to get a humvee started
• Everything you ever wanted to know, but were afraid to ask
• Wimp's Pages - if you need help with a specific issue

I hope you enjoy editing here and being a killing machine! Please sign your name in blood on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! -Han Solo (High Gen. Grue) Comlink Grueslayer

NOW DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!

Welcome to UnNews

On your knees, worthy one! The Right Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator blesses you. Your blessings are increasing exponentially. In the name of Sophia, the Church of Uncyclopedia and the Universal Church Triumphant of the Apathetic Agnostic, kneel and receive the melding of Zim's holy axe and your wetware. Now go write me a good UnNews article. Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 03:48, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Reverend Zim_ulator says: "There are coffee cup stains on this copy, damnit! Now that's good UnJournalism."

Welcome to UnNews, Erviltnec, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

---

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

---

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

---

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

---

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found Stripgenerator.com, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC) Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 22:59, 20 May 2007 (UTC)

Excuse me

Hello, I was wondering why you left a personal attack against me on my talk page. --General Insineratehymn 19:35, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

• I realize severe religious pathology causes outbursts of illogical reasoning based on illogical scenarios, so I will take that as a "good afternoon."

Yes, good afternoon. Now can you please explain to me why you left a personal attack against me on my talk page? I'm still waiting for an explanation. --General Insineratehymn 19:40, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

I'm so confused... --Mr. Alberto "Letters" ℜwg ☃ FU ☃ 21:08, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

• I know I live in Kansas (after 20 years in Florida), and anything that one could say about this place is probably true, other than it is a cultural horn o'plenty... Erviltnec 21:40, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

You based your personal attack on a stereotype. --General Insineratehymn 21:43, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

Unless you realized it by now, you were reported to Ban Patrol for insulting behavior towards me. Enjoy your forthcoming ban. --General Insineratehymn 21:52, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

• I feel sorry for you... Erviltnec 21:56, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

Yes, you should feel sorry because you are going to get banned. --General Insineratehymn 21:57, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

Can i just suggest you stop talking to Insineratehymn and that you both leave eachother alone? personally I find the quotes to be annoying, regardless of who wrote them. so please, go contribute to the site, forget about Insineratehymn -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 21:59, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

• I'm all for it - the quotes seemed to be an unwritten tradition/formality that somehow crept into the fabrication of a page. I find them annoying as well, unless of course, they are a critical part of the text. Thanks for the input. Erviltnec 22:05, 24 June 2007 (UTC)

talentless parasites

Some people have no talent and feed off of others to survive. Writing is not just something you do - you actually have to have an idea and run with it. I am a musician, and I don't copy others or do covers - I play blues, jazz and originals. You have to be able to improvise to play jazz, be able to think on your feet. Writing is the same way, once you get used to it the thoughts flow, and if you're not a moron you don't have to stop to do spell check. Grammar is essential - I have seen so many examples of bad grammar on uncyclopedia it makes you really wonder about self-obsession. Do these people really think they're good? Do they think they're funny? Have you ever seen a comedian bomb? It's very, very sad. But, I have also seen some wonderful writing on this site that makes me only work harder. But, some people are just dicks... Erviltnec 18:18, 25 June 2007 (UTC)

some people are just dicks...

for example:

I believe you deserve this

You have won the coveted Bucket of Piss award. I would congratulate you, but this isn't anything to be proud about.

Just because you're an actual writer does not mean you are better than everyone else. --General Insineratehymn 17:26, 8 July 2007 (UTC)

• Hmmm...nice? I would have preferred a bucket of warm spit...

Erviltnec 01:30, 9 July 2007 (UTC)

Insineratehymn

I haven't written anything on here for quite a while, other than maybe dot an "I" or cross an occasional huge asshole (see above). I kind of lost interest; I really don't need it anyway. It was fun for awhile, but like anything else, there is always someone with something that makes sure they share their miserable, meaningless existence with everyone else; you know, the guy that BRINGS the ants to the picnic. But, I've been busy doing real things; I haven't had the time to make anything up that is irrelevant. Plus, it's getting annoying getting notices in my e-mail that something has been changed and then to take the time to look and find it isn't something funny. Uncyclopedia is supposed to be funny. I could use a good laugh now and then. I have re-read some of my contributions and gotten a chuckle or two, sometimes I've even checked the history to make sure I wrote it. I see and have tried to read or re-write some hopeless crap on this site, "Richard C. Hoagland," for example. That one is hopeless - I ended up putting a "please re-write" tag on it. The UnNews piece I salvaged that made the front page was worse - incomplete sentences and very little to go by - check the history on that one before I started on it. I didn't even log in - it was an embarrassment to be associated with it - but I kept at it, someone else added a tidbit, and lo and behold, an UnNews article! That's how this place is supposed to work. But, I learned long ago you can plan anything but the outcome... I am putting all commands on "unwatch." Erviltnec 03:51, 30 July 2007 (UTC) 03:47, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

Oh, so sorry you left. None of this would have happened if you had never insulted me in the first place. --General Insineratehymn 04:44, 30 July 2007 (UTC)

flamewar

Sending e-mails with a threatening overtone is a FELONY. Please stop dicking with this user page and DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN VIA MY PERSONAL E-MAIL OR I WILL CONTACT AUTHORITIES. Erviltnec 03:14, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

I did not threaten you in the e-mail I sent you. If you apologize for your initial insult against me, I will in turn apologize for everything I did to you and we can get on with our happy lives. --General Insineratehymn 03:30, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

blackmail

If this is some kind of blackmail and an apology is all it takes to get you out of my life - you got it. Here's an apology. Now, go away! Erviltnec 19:03, 10 August 2007 (UTC)

UnNews

UnNews:Elitists at unNews declare war on free speech! has been deleted, obviously. You've been here long enough to know better... don't make me have to ban your arse! Cheers! Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 23:45, 9 November 2007 (UTC)

update

I haven't been here in awhile...Hi, Tracy! Yeah, it's me, the King...

16 March 2009