User:Zombiebaron/wip/HowTo:Masturbate to Uncyclopedia
Hello boy and girls! I see you've found Uncyclopedia. If you're anything like me, you've fallen deeply in love and have become hopelessly addicted to this site. You keep RecentChanges open in at least two tabs at all times. You lurk the Uncyclopedia IRC channel like it owes you money. You're all up in the Ban Log and the list of New Pages, nightly. And of course, you rollback vandalism with both style and grace. And yet, when you're all alone with your computer, you still navigate away from Uncyclopedia when it comes time to masturbate. Well don't worry, because after you read this simple guide you will never have reason to leave Uncyclopedia ever again. Pay attention children because now is the time to learn how to masturbate to Uncyclopedia.
A quick review: How to masturbate[edit | edit source]
Ok, so before we get started, we're just gonna go over some stuff that you probably already know. Just to make sure we're all on the same page. Feel free to skip this section if you consider yourself to be an experienced masturbater.
For Men[edit | edit source]
- Remove your pants
- Put some lotion on your hands (optional)
- Use your internet browser to navigate to some sexually stimulating content
- Rub your penis until is starts squirting lotion
- Put your pants back on (optional)
For Women[edit | edit source]
- Remove your pants
- Find a long hard object somewhere in your house (optional)
- Use your internet browser to navigate to some sexually stimulating content
- Rub your vagina (if using a long hard object, insert it inside of you and then take it out and then put it back in again a few times)
- Put your pants back on (optional)
Beginner techniques: Sexy Images and Dirty Articles[edit | edit source]
The main requirement for masturbation is sexually stimulating content to navigate your internet browser towards. Most people, mistakenly, believe that Uncyclopedia is a comedy website. They wonder how there could be sexually stimulating content on a site designed to make people laugh. Well, let me tell you, there is plenty of sexually stimulating content on this site, you just have to know where to look for it. Most of the the sexual content on Uncyclopedia is right out in the open. I am of course referring to the sexy images and dirty articles. Good places to start your search are some of the most obvious: Boobs, Sideboob, Directional boobs, Vagina, Penis, Testicles, Nude, Genitalia, Ass, Pornography, and Naked People.
And if you liked those pages about parts of the body, how about some pages about things you can do with those body parts: Sex, Anal sex, Cum, Blowjob, Lesbianism, BDSM, Tittyfuck rape and Bestiality.
It's amazing what you can find on Uncyclopedia just laying out in the open. But even better is the wealth of hidden content. Several users have created secret stashes of sexy images in their userspaces. Check out these great examples: Optimuschris's Super Secret Girlie Page!, Sir Larry's Incredibly Secret Page!, Wolf Dog 999's Secret Page, Why do I need to provide this?'s Tips, DolphinL's 섊뷁쭓, Mnbvcxz's Art, and MnbvcxzBot's Art.
Other techniques: The Land of Imagination[edit | edit source]
Once you have mastered masturbating to sexy images and dirty articles, it may be time to move on to some other techniques. These techniques will require some of the knowledge you learned from the sexy images and dirty article. By combining that knowledge and your imagination and any page on Uncyclopedia, you can create your own sexually stimulating content. Inside your brain! Here are some examples to get you started:
- Head on down to the Village Dump and masturbate to some drama.
- Go to VFH and masturbate to some democracy.
- Write an article and masturbate while you think about how funny you are.
Remember! These are not the only possibilities for creating sexual stimulating content using your imagination and Uncyclopedia. Get creative with this and never be afraid try new things!
Advanced techniques: for the administrators[edit | edit source]
Every admin knows that little rush of joy when they ban a user of huff a page. It's like being king of the world for just a second. It is the greatest feeling ever. The only feeling that even comes close to doing maintenance on Uncyclopedia, is the feeling of masturbating to Uncyclopedia. And if you combine the two, you may even see the face of God. Masturbating while deleting pages is like doing heroin in space with a group of robot whale pirates from Mars. Masturbating while banning users is even better than that.