User:UNmarine777/Disaster Movies
No not the movie Disaster Movie the funny one. We are taking about cheap movies that start out slow and have a "unique ending these include every disaster mo..no wait every movie made by Asylum Studios which was a disaster,every movie made by a low budget studio company with cheap CGI,every movie made by a low-budget studio with C-plus actors and ends with the world being saved by the explosion of a Nuclear bomb.
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General Plot[edit | edit source]
Okay you went to Wal-Mart to by a movie for your little gremlin and went in the $5 movie bin where you found a movie called "2012:Super Nova Apocalypse","Los Angeles Apocalypse",or "10.9: Apocalypse".So you go to the check-out and you ask the cashier "Is this a good movie by any chance?" and he/her tells you how he/her bought it and his/her entire family commited suicide on the spot or how he/her was sexually scarred for the rest of his/her life.After you get that depressing story you pay the poor man/woman with the cash you got selling Butt Scratchers that one weekend.You then get in your Prius and go home to bring that little bucket of joy and your kid to sit down and watch the movie for a good thirty minutes or two.After hours of some people running in circles,cheap CGI,and pointless things falling you get a heart attack,siezures,and a couple of eye hemorrages for about six-days and as your bleeding brain wonders why death ( Death was on a vacation in Paris with his Girlfriend) hasn't came yet your kid commits suicide by ripping his heart out and shuffing it in his mouth.On the eve of your untimely demise you come closer to death but death moves more farther away as with your last breath you crawl to the box cover and it says somewhere at the bottom "The Asylum".With this revelation you regret why you never listened tot he cashier,why you never attended church,and why you never loved Your Mom and then you commit suicide by grabbing your gun that you bought selling buttscratchers that one weekend and point it towards your head only to your misfortune you forgot to buy Bullets you begin to cry as you slowly die.
Who on earth would create such a deadly thing[edit | edit source]
No not Al-Qaida nor the Legion Of Doom created such weapons of mass death but The Asylum which was founded by former Village Roadshow executives David Rimawi, Sherri Strain, and director David Michael Latt in 1997. The company focused on producing straight-to-video low-budget films, usually in the horror genre, let me guess who else did that umm.... THE NAZIES and what did they do sell cheap movies to its neighbouring European countries or what us Americans call it World war 2 or International Civil War 2 the sequal by Canada.The reason why anyone watches them is because The Asylum keeps the SYFY channel personnel hostage and keeping them locked up somewhere in The Bermuda Triangle forcing them to broadcast there evil works.thats why Your Dad has never came home to see you grow up.
Many attemps to find a market failed due to competition from major studios, such as Lions Gate Entertainment and Village Roadshow entertainment, much of the company is left with a camera and prop box. In 2005, the company produced a low-budget(they shot it in there backyard with a cell phone camera) adaptation of H. G. Wells' The War of the Worlds, which was released in the same year as Steven Spielberg's adaptation of the same movie based on a real event.In 2010 Blockbuster Inc. unknowingly ordered 100,000 copies of The Asylum's adaptations.There where no survivors.
Movies to avoid if you value your life[edit | edit source]
They are great generic movies of popular movies,even becoming more popular then the original popular cinematic,but ones made by Asylum are...are...are too damn cheesy to watch sometimes i don't even no why they continue to make endings for there movies/ and it doesn't stop there.Here is a list of movies we manage to gather summaries on the things even Hell fears:
- The 2012 series - Is a suppose trilogy about the world coming to an end coincidently around december 21st 2012 or what we Americans call it "Satans 666th Birthday Party extravaganza" or what Canada calls it "A couple of days until Christmas and I can't fucking wait!.The world ends for unexpected reasons.
- 2012:Super Nova - I didn't even see this one but I think that when my eyes where bleeding and I was in cardiac arrest (because of the meer mention of it) I heard a guy who said that when he saw it was about a guy who discovered a Super Nova and is going to kill the entire world.The entire world you don't say,and the world ends again coincidentily around December 21st,2012.
- 2012:Ice Age Third installment of the supposed trilogy, its about a jaywalking dad who unoriginally discovers that the ice caps are melting as well as hurricanes,tornadoes in Los Angeles,California,and other stuff mother nature does while she is on her period.Oh and coincidently around December 21st,2012 again seriously whats so special about December 21st,2012 its not like its the figgin End Of The World or something.
- Transmorphers series - Sounds like Transformers the blockbuster of the summer which coincidently with robots and let me guess this movie is about robots too!the plot begins with robots that trans "morph" into everyday items including but is not limmited to: cars,trains,jets,microwaves,planes,boats,canoes,GPSs,X-box 360s,my mom,and Play..I mean Gaystation 3.The story begins with the United Nations sending a message of peace (to befriend them to steal there oil)and the robots start there get rich quick sceme and go towards Earth,but sadly they crashed landed in Roswell,New Mexico or what we Americans call it "the place where Aliens got owned by teh atmosphere" or what Canada calls it "The area where Advance Extraterrastials failed to conqueur the Earth due to Atmospheric Pressure and heat" wait they can trans "morph" in to Jets and planes but cannot trans "morph" into spaceships,WTF?Then the U.S Goverment goes to the crash site and retrieves the many technologies from there poor pikelated bodies and tells the public that a water ballon crashed landed on Earth and caused an explosion.With there technologies retrieved they decide to make things such as GPSs,Computers,CDs, Porn ,wikipedia and everything made by Microsoft with there poor CGI corpses.Later the Robots decide to attack the people and win the seven day war which the Human militaries are so poorly scripted that they only know how to shoot,move and shoot not even how to reload...even the Navy SEALS.Later I think some Lesbians have fun together then the world goes to hell literally i here its beautiful this time of year and many of Earths goverments dissolve and the Human resistance try to attackt the robots with 9mm Handguns and head torwards a chemical plant where the Robots where going to release th Swine Flu.But the plan fails when it back fires and the containers containing the flu is blowed-up by the Resistance.Releasing it to the world ,the entire world you don't say?The robots trans "morph".
- The Terminators - This one I did saw unfortunetly I am paralysed from the waist down because of it.anyways it is about A Mechanical Corps that creates "helpful" robots to benefit all of Mankind by cleaning there lawn,giving them Blow Jobs,and having to be there undying servants for eternity or slaves for short.Putting robots as slaves isn't a very good idea.anyways They go rogue and kill alot of people on board a space ships.The Robots look like a 30-year old caucasian male with a black muscle shirt,cargo pants,and a cheap version of the AUTO-9 from ROBOCOP if you wanted to know.Then they land on Earth (they were on a spacestation in 2017) and land in every major city in America because America is the only country to get attacked by robots.Then the survivors later find ships to fly to the spacestation,some old-man sheriff who finds out that he is a robot and he attacks the other robots.There is five guys and two girls the two girls live with a broken arm and turn off a "carefully guareded" disable button which miraciously shuts-down all the robots in the entire world forever.The Robots which take about 100 rounds from a 105mm howitzer to cause a dent in it,they even m(note:ake the original terminators look as strong as 13-year olds.Thats just wrong.)
- Uncyclopedia:Apocalypse - How can the Admins do this why..why!So it starts out with a crappy CGI user and he edits some articles,makes some articles,makes a lot of articles and edits,gets awarded adminship and rules Uncyclopedia with an Iron Fist,Then some guys decide its enough and take him down.he gets deleted and commits suicide.Its literally 5 minutes long.
While there is a lot of Movies from Asylum studios but why would you want me do such an act of violence,If I showed it that will be called Genocide!
R.I.P All the people who went has far to gather information on these hideous things while sacrificing there lives.May there sacriface benefit all and may they rest in peace.Amen R.I.P
How to identify a cheap-5 dollar movie[edit | edit source]
Well first is it in a five-dollar bin?If it is don't make eye contact and get away from it as fast as possible because they cast a spell on you with there covers.Secondly do not even think about tuning in on SYFY channel unless it has something to do with giant snakes or spiders then it okay, because there cool.
Thirdly_____________*Internet Connection lost*_________________________*Internet Connection found* Damn internet connection oh and thats how the Dinosaurs died.Last but not least check to see if it has something to do with 2012.