User:Simsilikesims/HowTo:Make a pie

There are many ways to make a pie, i will explain as many as possible!

Everybody loves pie!

Mathematical Method

Ingredients: Paper, pencil

Instructions: First, put your pencil on your paper. Then, write(NOT right) pi(or the symbol), = 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716939937510... Keep writing until you are done or your writing hand cramps up. Then try writing with your other hand until that one cramps up. Then switch back to the first hand, until your head hurts.

Note: This method is not recommended if you are in a rush, or you just hate writing. If you are in a hurry, try the next method.

Pie Chart Method

Ingredients: Computer, modern spreadsheet program, printer

Instructions: Input the data into your spreadsheet. Program the data for your group in percentages that together equal 100%. Use the pie chart function on your spreadsheet to turn it into a pie chart. Play with the color scheme until you find one that is satisfactory. Print out the spreadsheet with the pie chart on it.

Note: This method is not recommended if you are bad at math, computer illiterate, or hungry. If you are hungry, go on to the next method.

Pie Crust Method

Ingredients: Flour, water, um.. flavor, and erm.. its.. hmm... oh yeah! eggs, and there's something.. um..else... hmm.

Instructions: Simply mix all your ingredients in a bowl. Next, put it in a pan. Finally, cook it for whatever you want. Use your gut instinct to decide when its done, or open the oven door and check it every 10 minutes.

Note: Congratulations, you now have a somewhat burnt nothing pie! Or, if you remembered to put fruit or peanut butter or pudding in it before mixing it well, possibly a cross between a cookie and loaf of....something, that's burnt at the edges and raw in the middle. Maybe someone else in the household knows more about cooking than you do...like your mom?

PS: If you are a science geek, you may instead get some sort of mutant evil flying monkey robot powered by a pie. Recommended you take precautions and wear a fire/laser proof vest with built in homing missiles and bazookas. Did i mention the monkey?

Nagging Method

Ingredients: Your mind, a mom

Instructions: Think to yourself: pie, pie, pie, pie, over and over. Remember, mind over matter, and think positive! After about 30 minutes, go to your mom and repeat it(out loud) over and over. After about a half hour, you should have a fresh warm pie!

Note: May result in an angry mom. When momma isn't happy, ain't nobody happy. Maybe you should cheer her up with some nice store-bought pie.

Store Method

Ingredients: your wallet, a drivers license, a credit card.

Instructions: First, drive to store or restaurant that sells pies to go. Next, purchase pie at cashier with credit card. Then, drive home with pie. Finally, warm up pie in oven.

Note: May result in a busted budget, and a big belly. Should you have borrowed a license or credit card that isn't yours, may result in YOUR being busted. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, try the next method.

Zombie Method

Ingredients: a person (preferably male, since you want the ladies for yourself)

Instructions: First, walk up to him saying "brains... BRAINS!!!" He should start running and screaming, making his head hot. Catch him and scoop out his brain, which should be already warm. Put the brain in a pie pan, and stir it until mush. Slurp the warm delicious brains down!

Note: Ewwww.....

Drunken Serial Killer Method

Ingredients: Beer or wine, gun, person (preferably male, because the ladies tend to scream).

Instructions First off, drink several bottles of beer or wine. Grab a PPSH-12 or something, and randomly drive to someones house and/or the store. bust the door down for a dramatic entrance, and demand your pie. If they listen, wait for your pie, then kill them. If they decline, murder them all.

Note: People tend to call the police when this happens. Cut the damn phone lines before entering the house. Also, avoid drinking so much beforehand that you vomit and/or pass out during the raid.