User:Orangutang94/The Matrix: MAGA starring Tulsi Gabbard
Prologue
It is a rainy day in Hawaii-town, a district of the city of Democrat-sea, blissfully located somewhere in a futuristic version of America. This is the only city our protagonist, Tulsi Gabbard, has known.
Pan to a tall condomium building in Hawaii-town.
Cut to Tulsi Gabbard, disheveled and slumped over her desk at home after another night of drinking. She is awoken by a text message on her phone. She looks up at her computer screen. A terminal prompt is open.
Groaning, she looks at her phone and sighs. Grabbing a bottle of vodka and some painkillers, she considers dulling her pain again, but decides not to. In fact, she needs to stay sober for this special day.
[Main titles]
THE MATRIX: MAGA
Act I:[edit | edit source]
Cut to another drab office tower. In front there is a sign saying "Democratic Party headquarters"
Debbie Wasserman Schultz: Good morning, my wonderful, wonderful fellow Democrats! Today is another day for freedom for everyone in our Democrat Sea.. er, our Democracy, sorry does anyone ever say that right?
The Democratic committee is holding their morning meeting in a drab, but spacey conference room
Robert F. Kennedy Jr.: I pronounce it right! After all, aren't we the party of democracy?
DWS: Bobby, can you speak up please, you're talking too raspy again. Guards, get this person some more cough syrup.
Young Democrat staffer: Yes ma'am, which "person" are you referring, is it that old guy Bobby-
DWS: A-hem! Monique, you shall refer to me as chair-person, not ma'am! And yes, the person getting drugged up is indeed Bobby! We do not use gendered language like "guy!" We use gender-neutral language here.
RFK Jr.: But I'm totally fi-
DWS: BOBBY TAKE YOUR MEDS! NOW! That's an order!
Gabbard rolls her eyes.
Tulsi Gabbard: [muttering] Maybe I should have drugged myself up after all.
DWS: Okay, so first order of business, we need to make sure Agent Orange never rises to power again. Fuck Agent Orange.
The whole room in unison: Fuck Agent Orange.
Gabbard: And how do you plan to do that? I swear this is the five millionth time we've mentioned this.
DWS: Congress-person Gabbard. How inquisitive of a question, as always. Or should I say ex-Congress-person Gabbard? I remembered you stepped down from my position to support Bernie, and then you stepped down from your position as Congress-person. What do you do again? Oh, you decided to go into tech and become a hacker!
Anyways, I have Congress-person Nancy Pelosi here with a special guest. Congress-person Pelosi? NANCY GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND GET UP HERE!
Pelosi takes her sweet time walking like a sloth to the podium.
Nancy Pelosi: My apologies, I was just checking for some more updates from my insiders at Wall Street. [Takes a swig from a bottle of Napa Valley wine] But I have a new candidate for our leader, who according to her resume I've got here... hmm let me put on my reading glasses... is a known "prosecutor of.. stuff!" Senator Kamala Harris!
Kamala Harris: Heyyyy everybody! Who's ready for some more exciting stuff? I'm so happy to be our new glorious prosecutor.. whoops I meant LEADER! Well, I guess.. we could have a prosecuting leader! HAHAHAHA
The whole room in unison, except Tulsi and RFK: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Harris: And I am ready to GO TO WORK and prosecute all the Nazi alt-right misogynistic homophobic racists who are a threat to our Democrat Sea. I'm gonna make sure America becomes a lefty lagoon of love and joy and inclusiveness! And everyone gets weed!
Gabbard: Hol' up. Senator Harris, didn't you arrest people in Cali-ville and have them senselessly beaten and jailed just for marijuana possession?
Chuck Schumer: Tulsi, I think you're being a little harsh on our leader-appointee.. er, sorry, candidate nomination.
Harris: No no, it's totally fiiiine, Chuck! You know, what's your name? Tulsa? Let me make myself very clear. I was born in a middle-class family, and I totally understand how weed users operate because as you know, I was a weed user at some point. So I'm going to make it totally okay once I'm the leader of the free world. And-
Gabbard: Senator Harris, it's Tulsi. Or you can address me as Congresswoman Gabbard. And you didn't quite answer my question. If you supported weed users, why did so many one-time weed smokers get arrested and beaten under your watch?
Harris: [mumbles] shit where's my teleprompter.. Ahh, I am very proud of my actions as Attorney General and I did nothing wrong, even though I ordered those arrests they were made for a reason-
Gabbard: So you admitted to wrongfully imprisoning one-time weed users?
DWS: Wait.. who started livestreaming this meeting to our voter base? HILLARY! I TOLD YOU to fire Jon DePodesta and get a new tech person!
Gabbard: You know, I got some more hacker things to do, so I'll be right back. [slips out]
Joe Biden: [awakens from slumber] Oh boy! It's time to eat some more Chocolate-Chocolate-Chip ice cream!
Everyone stares at Biden, then everyone laughs heartily
Cut to night. Tulsi walks down a street, passing multitudes of illegal immigrants and people with dyed hair. Some of them smash a storefront and rob it but nobody cares. She spots RFK Jr. talking with a hooded figure. Tulsi rubs her eyes but afterwards she only sees RFK Jr.
Gabbard: Bobby! You getting your fill of alternate, non-DEC-approved drugs?
RFK Jr.: [hiding the package he got from the hooded figure] Oh hey, Tulsi. I was just chatting with someone.
Gabbard: You know, a few years ago I'd consider turning you in, but I honestly don't care anymore. Were you talking with Agent Orange?
RFK Jr.: Well, ah, I can't really tell you.
Gabbard: I wouldn't blame you. I feel like there's a whole lot they're not telling us about Agent Orange, or themselves in general? I mean, they keep insisting on letting Biden and Kamala Harris lead us despite their sheet incompetence! Man, I almost wished I drank today.
RFK Jr.: And I'm glad you didn't. We needed someone in their right state of mind to expose Kackling Kamala.
Trump: Remember, your choice is irreversible, and you give full consent to whatever you see and experience.
Gabbard: Okay, tell me this isn't a sex cult or something. You're not going to date rape me or anything, are you?
Trump: Ahh, that's all fake news that MSNBC and the Democrat dingbats told ya. You know what, I'm just gonna leave these pills here. And I'm just gonna scoot outta this room. [Scoots to the other side of the room]. Yah know what, I'm gonna disconnect and go back to the real world. Your choice, Congresswoman Gabbard! Either ya come with me or ya stay in this shithole. [Disappears, leaving Tulsi in the room alone with the pills]
Gabbard: .. Mr. Trump?
Tulsi deliberates for a moment, then picks the red pill and swallows it.
[Cut to a distopian America]
Gabbard awakes in a giant tub thingy filled with a gross, amniotic fluid. She is stark naked, with only a tube attached to her belly button. Grimacing, she pulls it out. She stands up to take a view, only to see other tubs attached to a giant structure with the Democrat "D" logo on top standing on a dreary, stormy landscape.
In some of the tubs are her colleagues like Wasserman Schultz, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders, Gavin Newsom, and Barack Obama. An empty tub reads "Robert F. Kennedy, Jr." Bill and Hillary Clinton, Elizabeth Warren, Biden, Pelosi, and Schumer, in particular, are in a really bad state, almost as if their tubes have nearly consumed their essences.
Suddenly, Tulsi's tub flushes, and she is washed down into a facility. Trump, J.D. Vance, and Elon Musk arrive in a hovercraft to retrieve her. Gabbard takes Trump's hand.
Trump: Welcome.. to the real America.
Act II:[edit | edit source]
Act III:[edit | edit source]
Epilogue:[edit | edit source]
["Wake Up" by Rage Against The Machine plays]
Tulsi, now wearing the earpiece and sunglasses of the Director of National Intelligence and a trenchcoat, walks cooly down the street. Sensing a new situation, she puts her hands together, guru-style. A dharmic glow emanates from her, and she flies away using her Hindu powers.
Credits[edit | edit source]
- Directed by the Wachovski Broth.. Sis.. siblings. Or something
- News flash: The real Wachovski Bros. directed this film. The fake tranny Wachovskis are woke liberal clones
- STARRING
- Tulsi Gabbard
- Donald Trump
- Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
- Elon Musk
- Candace Owens
- Kamala Harris
- and Liz Cheney
- A PureFlix Film, because Warner Bros. is too woke to make this film.. and too broke to sue for copyright violations