User:Optimuschris/Peed On

Battle of the Sexes

Humour:	7	While there weren't any spit-take inducing moments, I felt it had a very enjoyable feel throughout. The main two criteria I use to judge humor are: Is it funny? (obviously) and Is it consistant? (does it stay funny all the way through?) While this isn't the funniest thing I've read here, it is well worth the space it'll take up on the server. More importantly in some ways, it is also constistant. I was enjoying it just as much at the end as I was at the beginning.
Concept:	9	Great concept and great execution of the concept. Really nothing much else to say.
Prose and formatting:	8	Mostly very nice. The layout is pleasing for the most part although there's a large gap between the introductory paragraph and the first section which is, well, a little ugly not to put too fine a point on it. There were a few typos and whatnot, but I think they're all gone now.
Images:	10	Even though there was only the one picture of the three lesbians, it totally made the article. What? There were other pictures as well? I hadn't noticed! Seriously, the images are great. I found the pic of Emily Davidson to be especially amusing (in this context of course). The last two images are the weakest, but even so they don't detract from the quality of the article.
Miscellaneous:	9	Averaged and rounded up. I hate decimals.
Final Score:	43	I enjoyed it. Maybe give it just a bit more polishing, but I think it's ready to go as is.
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN 20:06, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

I was a bit generous with the image score, but hey, lesbians are hot!

Millenium

Humour:	8	Not much to comment on here. You're definitely on the right track. I loved the second section pointing out how arbitrary it is to ascribe any significance to the millenium.
Concept:	9	This is obviously an important concept and deserves to handled by a skilled author. Thank Jebus you've taken the reins away from whoever failed at this the first time.
Prose and formatting:	9	Again, you know what you're doing.
Images:	5	Still needs 'em. A few "doom" images would fill it out nicely until the muse grants you something better. Maybe an image of somebody stockpiling canned goods, or a bomb shelter. (See below)
Miscellaneous:	8	Averaged and rounded. You're still swell.
Final Score:	39	Okay, time for a suggestion. You state that the public reaction was basically to ignore it. While everybody with half a brain did ignore it, we all know that a very large percentage of humanity have signifcantly less than half a brain. There were tons of morons preparing for the end of the world and I think there's some potential there for teh funneh. Perhaps an example of John Q. Redneck who's still hiding in his bunker waiting for the government to give him the "all clear" sign? I'm not saying to axe what you have in that section, rather I think you could expand it to include both the rational and irrational reactions. I also think that you could expand the "what happened" section to reflect this as well. Include some consequences of the panic. Maybe ascribe the newfound interest in renewable energy to concerns about how idiots were going to recharge their cell phones after all the power plants failed (ignoring the fact that their cell phones obviously wouldn't work anymore)? Something along those lines. You've got a great start here, thanks for reworking this fail into something good.
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN 15:44, 22 March 2008 (UTC)

Command & Conquer: Read Alert 3 (Resubmit)

Humour:	4	Has some funny bits, but you really need to rely a little less on tired internet memes. Chuck Norris and Mr. T. references aren't strong enough to carry your article. Try expanding the sections regarding the writer's strike, I think you may have some potential there. Also, just get rid of the Oscar Wilde quote. They're overused anyway and the one you have doesn't really add anything. The plot sections really need to be cleaned up and made into a more coherent story as well. I'm a big fan of the {username} gag, but I'm not sure if it works here.
Concept:	7	I like the concept, but I'm a C&C fan so I may be biased. In any case, I think you're on to something here, it just needs some spit and polish.
Prose and formatting:	3	I'm afraid I have to score you rather low here, but I think with a little effort you should be able to fix it up fairly easily. The article is riddled with grammatical errors, and while normally I would turn a blind eye towards them, in this case they are so overwhelming they detract from the overall piece. A good practice is to read your article out loud to yourself. When something sounds unnatural to your ears take a few moments to find a way to rephrase it so it rolls off the tongue easier. Keep at it! This is why God invented the rough draft.
Images:	5	The images you have are okay if a little bland. You really need to add some more though. My comments about Chuck Norris apply here as well, but you may be able to get away with it. If you have access to photoshop, a good idea might be to find a stock photo from WWII (or something similar) of a bunch of dead soldiers lying in a field or something and adding a zeroed out health bar above each one (ala C&C). Just a suggestion, use your imagination. If you don't have access to photoshop or anything similar, there are several editors that are willing to help with custom images.
Miscellaneous:	5	I averaged the previous scores and rounded up. A little less randomness would do you well.
Final Score:	24	Don't get discouraged. I can tell you've put some effort into this and I think you're definitely making progress. Keep plugging away and I'm sure you'll have a fine article in no time at all.
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN 17:45, 15 March 2008 (UTC)

Royal Pointless Military Things Tournament

Humour:	8	Humor is the most difficult thing for me to judge. Obviously it's subjective and what's funny to me may not be funny to others. I do however feel that this will be enjoyed by the majority of people who read it. More importantly I think, it maintains the humor throughout; it's consistant. Too many articles start out funny but just kinda peter out as they go on. This, if anything, gets funnier as it goes. The only reason I didn't give a higher score is there just weren't any gut bustingly funny moments (not a critique as I still thoroughly enjoyed it).
Concept:	9	I think this is a great concept. Obviously, as a rewrite, this isn't your own, nevertheless I took the time to check the history and you've done a great job expanding the concept to the point where I think it will stand out as a great article. Of course, I'm still a noob so what the hell do I know?
Prose and formatting:	9	You don't need my (or anybody else's for that matter) help here. You obviously know what your doing.
Images:	5	It simply needs a few more, but you already knew that. The ones that you do have work great and I don't think it will be that hard to find a few more.
Miscellaneous:	8	Averaged and rounded up because I think you're swell. There's a list and normally I would take points off for it, but in this case it works due to the paragraph following it. One of the rare cases a list actually adds to the humor content. I would like to see a couple sections added covering some specific events of the tournament. Also maybe a section adding the US military in (an international tournament perhaps). Or maybe not.
Final Score:	39	Good stuff. Really the only problem I have is that I'd like to see a bit more of it. I think there's room here for some expansion without it becoming tired.
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN 23:25, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

Under User has blessed you with cake for being friendly and/or useful. Eat it quickly before he changes his mind. Warning: cake prepared in an environment which also processes nuts, and contains lactose, gluten, ground glass and arsenic, which gives it a lovely tang.

For a helpful review (I don't like the Golden Shower award). --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:22, Mar 21

Runescape and Runescape Clans

Humour:	0	You realize this is Uncyclopedia right? This is not the place for an instructional article about clans in runescape.
Concept:	0	See above.
Prose and formatting:	8	Pretty well written I suppose anyway.
Images:	2	I...just...um, I don't know what to say.
Miscellaneous:	2.5	Averaged
Final Score:	12.5	I would tell you to remove the UnNews and Featured Article templates, but as this is most likely headed for QVFD it probably doesn't matter.
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN 23:13, 27 March 2008 (UTC)

Why?:Knot?

Humour:	6	I'm sorry, I really wanted to like this more. Unfortunately it was amusing but not that funny. It seemed to rely a little too much on old people jokes and as much as I like to make fun of old people it just seemed a little predictable. It also revolves around a pun and the pun just doesn't have enough legs to carry an article of this length. On the other hand, I'm not sure how you could improve on it. It seems to hit the right notes and I have a sneaking suspicion I should be laughing more, but I've heard this song before. I really enjoyed the summations of each section. It's always nice when a section ends with a solid punchline and I laughed at evey one of them.
Concept:	6	Again, I really wanted to be on board. But the use of a fictional knot oversight organization threw me a little. It's good for a few laughs and the aspect of interviewing various members helps tie the article together. The flip side though is that it's a fairly standard tool. That's not bad in and of itself, but it knocks a few points off for originality. I'm not telling you to ditch it, but perhaps it would be possible to branch out a bit without fracturing the article. Easier said than done of course, just something to think about.
Prose and formatting:	9	Exactly what I'd expect from an experienced dood like you. It's laid out very nicely and it's very easy to read. There's a few simple typos, but nothing that wouldn't be easily corrected with a final proofread.
Images:	8	They are nice pics, they fit in with the article very well. Maybe a little on the bland side but I don't really hold that against (the subject matter doesn't exactly lend itself to exciting action or titillating erotica pics anyway).
Miscellaneous:	7.25	Averaged and whatnot.
Final Score:	36.25	It's obvious you've put some work into this and I feel a little bad I can't give it a higher score in the first two catagories. But you're an accomplished editor guy with the features and the awards and accolades and all the pretty girls chasing you around and such. I'm sure you'll get over it. Plus, you know, you can ban me if it makes you feel better.
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN 16:25, 12 April 2008 (UTC)

HowTo:Remove a washing machine from the face of the earth

Humour:	7	Nicely done. A fairly random topic, but it was fun. I've made a few pipe bombs myself back in the day, so I had a bit of a personal connection to this. Except for the second section. The whole reference to Deliverance seemed to come out of nowhere. I get how you're trying to imply a sexual aspect to blowing shit up (don't all the best pyros jerk off while their fires burn?) but with no lead in to this section, the whole thing seems a little out of place. It might work a little better if you can work up to it a bit. Add a subtle phycho-sexual innuendo or two to the first section so the second section's not such a non sequitor.
Concept:	7	It's a random and silly concept. I've got no problem with it myself, in fact I enjoy silly humor quite a bit. But you should prepare yourself for a "it's too random" comment or two. Ignore them. This is random done right.
Prose and formatting:	8	Pretty good for the most part. There's a few thing in italics that probably shouldn't be, but that's easy enough to fix. You might want to do something about the Ned Beatty and "Purty Mouth" dude pics, the way they're laid out right now leaves a lot of empty space and empty space makes for an ugly article. Again, easy enough fix. I liked the surprise explosion section consisting of only the image, nice touch.
Images:	6	They're appropriate enough for the article, but none of them really provoke any real laughs. I wouldn't worry about it too much though. What you've got will work until inspiration hits.
Miscellaneous:	7	Averaged. I'm told that's how this bit works. You should probably ditch the section detailing what else you've written. Vanity in your articles doesn't go over too well. That's what your user page is for.
Final Score:	35	HowTo articles are fun. As a matter of fact, one that I've written is currently up for VFH. *nudge nudge wink wink*. Have fun and good luck. If you have any questions feel free to hit my talk page.
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN23:22, 18 Apr

UnBooks:My New Life as a T-Rex

Humour:	7	I hate this part, so let's get it over with first. It's funny, no doubt. I think it's ready for mainspace right now. The mental image of a sad-sack T-Rex kills me. I think the title's fine as well; I can't think of anthing better anyway. When the narrator ate the girl he was flirting with I genuinely LOL'ed but...that was the only time. The rest of the article only managed to illicit grins and nods. The tone is right and I enjoyed the read but it just didn't make me laugh like some other things I've read. So, to recap. Funny. Not that funny. I LOVE YOU MAN!
Concept:	9	I love the concept. It kinda seems like Uncyc's version of "The Metamorphosis". It's weird and original and full of dinosaur. Neato. Ummm. I guess I really got nothing else to add here so I think I'll fill out the section with random discussion of the weather. It's cloudy and chilly here and THIS IS A VERY GOOD CONCEPT.
Prose and formatting:	9	Another nine! You must have done this before because besides a couple minor spelling mistakes (that I'll be damned if I'm gonna go back and find again to fix) I saw nothing that should be corrected. The prose is also spot on. If anything, I'd say maybe find a way to make the main character seem even more pathetic, but it's great how it is.
Images:	7	The pictures are fine, nothing really exciting but perfectly suitable. The caption on the last one gave me a chuckle. I'd give you some suggestions for better images but finding good images is really hard for me and I got nothing. A high heel caught in the teeth of the T-Rex maybe? I dunno.
Miscellaneous:	8	Averaged, but you're an above average dude! Did I mention I love you? It's a good article, but is it VFH worthy? Tough call. I'd vote for it if that means anything, but I have a feeling it might fall a little short. Mainspace it and I'll run it up the flagpole for you.
Final Score:	40	Hey look, 40! That's not too shabby kid!
Reviewer:	OptyC Sucks! CUN13:34, 2 Jun