User:Maniac1075/Michael Jackson
“50 years is apparently how long it takes to stop when you get enough”
“I guess CPR isn't as easy as 1..2..3..”
“Rot in hell MJ, oh sorry, I'M BAD”
“The difference between Farrah and Michael... apart from 3 hours, was Farrah was a pinup girl above young boys bed, Michael pinned down young boys on their beds. Not to mention, Farrah had fun with Majors, and Michael had fun with Minors.”
“Anyone else notice that, 'The singer and dancer Michael Jackson' is an anagram of 'Danger as he jams a cock in ten children'?”
“R.I.P Michael Jackson. You touched a whole generation... well the ones under 12 anyway.”
“I'll pay you $1,000,000 for Micheal's address book and notepad”
“That clown managed to ride more 3 year old's then me and all my buddies combined”
NEWS FLASH JUST IN FROM HELL; CASPER THE GHOST ALREADY MOLESTED BY MICHAEL JACKSON!!!
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Michael Jackson was born a poor black man, and died a rich white woman. Michael came to fame in the early 1800's as a cute little kid leading a group of other kids who where his family members. They where known as the Jackson 5. But the group split up once Michael started to go through puberty and as the group got older, Michael would be found still sleeping with kids the same age as when they first started. Michael then went solo and released such hit's as, "It doesn't matter if they are black or white, as long as they are under ten years old and a boy" and the classic album amongst pedophiles, "My name is Michael Jackson, I'm in love with my hand, and I'll beat it, beat it, then beat the little boy down the street, touch his pee-pee, make him eat my wiener, then pay him off so he won't squeal on me".
The Singing Wet Suit[edit | edit source]
Whacko Jacko's Own Children[edit | edit source]
Michael got his wife pregnant, even tho Michael didn't like girls. He was just so excited to finally have a little boy of his own.
Upon his wife giving birth, Michael asked his wife's doctor how soon after the birth could he have sex? The doctor told him he should wait until the kid is at least 12 or 13 years old.
Michael Get's Banned For Life From Appearing On Game Shows[edit | edit source]
When you think about when and where you saw Michael, you will probably now realize, you never saw him on a game show, right? In September of 1987 Michael was invited to be on on of Americas favorite game shows, Family Feud. It was the last time Michael would ever be invited onto a game show after Michael shocked audiences with one of his answers to a question.
The question at hand was, "Name somewhere you can take children?"
Micheal's horrific reply was... "Up the ass".
Plane Wrong Of Michael[edit | edit source]
In 1992 Michael was on a flight from California to New York that ran into big trouble. Midway through the flight, all 4 engines of the Boeing 747's engines stopped. To make matters worse, the landing gear could not be opened due to a malfunction, as well as nitrous oxide filling the compartments of the planes cabin that was about to kill all on board unless the made a jump for it, still 16,000 feet in the air.
The desicion was made that those most important on board would be one of the 34 lucky people to be picked to use the 34 parachutes they had on board, the other 372 passengers would have to risk surviving in a crash landing.
Micheal was picked as one of the 34, and as he was being suited up with the parachute to make his jump, he asked the stewardess, "What about the children?"... the flight attendant said, "Fuck the children", to which Micheal gleefully replied, "Do you think we have time?".
Unfortunately Micheal survived the jump. Michael Jackson was spotted in the ocean in Texas.
He was found clinging onto a small buoy.
Death Of a Peadoman[edit | edit source]
In 2009 the world rejoiced when Michael was announced dead. The incident occurred when Michael had undergone his 200th operation for plastic surgery to make his face look exactly like his pet monkey, and best friend "Bubbles". However after the successful operation, Michael was mistakenly sent to the childrens ward of the hospital to recover, when Micheal awoke to find himself surrounded by so many children, he thought he had woken up in heaven, and the thriller of his heart couldn't take all the joy after such an operation, that he had a massive heart-attack and died.
After MJ collapsed, Bubbles jumped on him to give him the kiss of life; but alas! for some reason bubbles was only trained to suck. Or at least that's what one news source had to say, another reported that Michael had died from food poisoning caused by eating 12 year old nuts.
Micheal's death lead to his upcoming touring dates to be canceled.
Henry (age 9)...Paul (age 7)... Simon (age 6)...
Janet Jackson phoned the undertakers to arrange the funeral. First thing she asked them was "Do you take plastic?".
Micheal's body was then cremated melted down, and the plastic was then molded into an etcher-sketch, as instructed to do so by Micheal's last will & testimony. The dieing wish for him to became an etcher-sketch was so that some little boy around the world would still have a chance to play with his knob.
Why Micheal was Chosen To Die by God?[edit | edit source]
Farrah Faucet arrived in heaven and God said, "you lead a good a meaningful life, is there any last wish I could grant for you?". She said "Yes, Could you grant a wish to keep all the children of the world safe".
So God killed Michael Jackson.
Sports News Down Under[edit | edit source]
Reports came in that Janet Jackson had something very much in common with the Australian cricket team in 2010. They where both bringing home the ashes that summer.
Tribute by McDonald's[edit | edit source]
McDonald's will soon be releasing the Jacko Burger. It will be a regular hamburger, but the tribute is it's 50 year old meat in a 12 year old bun.
Music After Death[edit | edit source]
Michael had been working on a new album before his death. The album was not finished, but his record company is working on putting the final touches on the album.
It will feature what Michael had said was to be his biggest hit yet, "Love. in A minor".
And will also feature a cover version of "Don't let the son go down on me".
This would be good news for Jackson record sales, as Micheal's last heard hit was... the floor.
Michael In Heaven[edit | edit source]
When Michael got to heaven, he bumped into Elvis Presley. Elvis says "You married my daughter didn't you?", MJ says "Yes, but we divorced cause she told me 'No Fucking Kids". Elvis says, "Thank fuck for that, I heard she married a nigger".
St.Peter welcomed 3 celebrities on the same day to heaven. He asks them if there was anyone in Heaven they'd like to see first?
Ed McMahon tells St. Peter that he really misses his old friend, Johnny Carson. "Heeerreee's Johnny", says St. Peter, and the old friends are together again.
Farrah Faucett speaks up next and tells St. Peter that she really misses her sister, and they too are reunited moments later.
St Peter said, "How about you Michael, who would you most like to spend time with on your first day in Heaven?"
Michael pauses for a moment and says, "Now, where's that baby Jesus?"
God spoke up and said, "Michael, Come to me, my child"
Michael smiled and giggled and thought; "I know where this is heading!"
Fitting Tribute[edit | edit source]
Funeral Meltdown[edit | edit source]
In accordance to his last final wishes; the funeral was to be held... "when the big hand is holding the little hand." Micheal's kids where asked not to go to his funeral, in case MJ had a reserection.
Last news heard about MJ was that hard rock legends AC/DC, are suing MJ for not having the right to record his own version of "Back In Black".
So in honor of Michael Jackson... let's all grab our crotch for a moment and just beat it
BUT ONLY GRAB YOUR OWN.
Jackson 5 tickets... 20% off!!!
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