User:Idontgiveacrap/Ron White
Supposed "funny" man Ron "Tater Salad" White was born in the year 1856, to a family of irresponsible alcoholics, who gave him alcoholism before he was born, in the middle of fucking nowhere, Texas. he is now very renowned for absolutely nothing, other than not having enough sex, like <insert name here>, and getting drunk with the not funny Blue Collar Comedy Tour Guys, who contracted not funny from Larry the Cable Guy .
Early life[edit | edit source]
He quickly became the town's number one drunk, aside from Otis, at the age of five. He was removed from public school at the age of eight for shattering the curve in all classes, except hunting, because the lazy bastard wouldn't wake the fuck up. So until he was twelve he was home schooled, but could no longer be taught by his parents, because they never passed sixth grade. When this reached the ears of the rich parents of the girl with an iron-clad vagina (his future wife) they decided to teach him, because they had a high school edumacation, which is why they were rich.
After high school & Discovery of Drunks Thinking Drunks are Funny[edit | edit source]
After his complete high school edumacation, he went to college and got a masters degree in alcoholism, which made him the smartest person in any redneck area, which by the way at that time didn't kill the mentally retarded, because that would cut the population by half, because of inbreeding and alcohol destroying brain cells. Then one day while hanging out at a local bar, drunk out of his mind, got up on stage, pushed the current performers off, and began yelling random things. He was a smash hit, because all the people there were piss drunk also. While on stage he began to sober up, and began to realize that drunks thought drunks were funny.
Beginning of Comedy for him[edit | edit source]
Ron then began touring in any town with a large collection of alcoholics, and was a huge success. For the next ten years he toured around drunk America and sometimes he would go to Mexico and preform, because he was lost from being piss drunk. But then tragedy struck for him, in 1905 he did a show sober and was booed off stage. he then went into hiding until the late end of the twentieth century.
He did get funny, and contribute to science[edit | edit source]
When sober Ron did work on his routine, just in case he wasn't able to get drunk. He was able to get funnny because he really wasn't a redneck. This accompilshment led to That guy's creation of the "Southern to Redneck Scale", which also served as a tool to see who was funny, and not just appealing to the damaged senses of red necks.
- The scale is as follows:
- Southren-Ron White
- Still smart, but getting too southren-Bill Engvall
- Still smart but getting to Redneck-Jeff Foxworthy
- Not their fault-the character Forest Gump
- Redneck-that hillbilly from the simpsons
- Shit that's an extreem redneck!!!-Larry the cable guy
- We're Fucked-George Dubya Bush
the horror of Blue Collar[edit | edit source]
After realizing that the Blue Collar Comedy Tour was the worst show that by some miracle of God was doing good, he joined them, as that drunk guy. He soon realized that without being drunk Larry the Cable Guy was more toxic to the brain then any form of alcohol, so he drank all the time, making him seem even funnier to drunk rednecks greatly increasing the success of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. This caused an increase in babies crying, and kitten huffing of panthers by Ozzy Osbourne. Luckily in 2006 they split up, and ended the reign of terror known as redneckification.
“those guys are such wankers”
Ron's death[edit | edit source]
In 2010, Ron White died of alcohol poisioning (blame Larry). But that is also around the time that, America's majority will be Mexican, and they would had killed him, for not getting lost, and preforming, for tequila soaked Mexicans
“ You will be remembered for making the Blue Collar Comedy Tour almost acceptable”