User:Goatman chris
Goatman chris (1983 - Now) isn't actually a goatman anymore. Sometimes he isn't even a chris. This is done to fool people into thinking he is "with it".
He came to this country during 1983, the Year of Our Cheese. After being thrown off the boat for being a stow away (they didn't want to punish him by turning the boat around right now), he landed in a pile of dry socks, and has smelled like them ever since.
Known in certain circles to get drunk and demolish carpets with his rug-cutting feet, he also has an open wound on his foot from tubing down a river in Minnesnowta.
Using up his next two weeks until deployment, The Goatman is spending his last few civilian days wisely (i.e. getting drunk, with high aspirations of finishing off that goddamned super-heroes template.)
Scratch that. Don't actually try to scratch it, imbecile. The previous paragraph, though true at one point, or even true at a point now in an alternate Universe where Marty McFly or John Titor are hanging out, it isn't true of current events. The Goatman, or 'Goatie' as his friends like to call him, is currently freelancing in all levels and aspects of Public Affairs and Mass Communications. He's just that good.
What GC can do[edit | edit source]
* Repeatedly snap open a knife * Get arrested for a DUI * Everything else
What GC can't do[edit | edit source]
* Wouldn't you like to know
Other Details You Have Just Become Cool Enough To Know[edit | edit source]
- At the age of 11, GC learned to play one totally sweet air guitar
- At the age of 15, he went to Soviet Russia, where air guitar totally sweetly played him
- GC hates Froot Loops
The Goatman's Ode to the World, Volume I[edit | edit source]
Amended the following to be funnier
- Letter : The whole goddamned thing. Up until 12:36 am, April 4th
- Another false generic link
- The Lets Ban Science And Go Hug Trees and Smoke Dope Party
- A bowl of ducks
- Parts Unknown
- Mecha Buddha
- Double Dragon
- Mother Nature
- White race
Subchapter: SuperHeroes[edit | edit source]
Amended the following to be funniest:
- Beast
- Venom
- Ghost Rider
- Bishop
- Juggernaut
- Sabertooth
- Conan the Barbarian : Crushed the article, drove it before me, and heard the lamentations of its women.
Subchapter: Things that will be featured, at least to my friends[edit | edit source]
Chimpanzee Grudgematch It's gonna be friggin awesome OK so that's probably it. For the time being.
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This blah is a complete, irredeemable air. The submitter is Bat Fuck Insane, washes at the arm, and is an unfunny butt muncher. If you vegetate to cuddle this you will most virtually die yourself. Or the submitter will disintegrate your okra!!!!!! |