A bowl of ducks

“Some people get milk and cookies. I got a bowl of ducks.”

~ Wilde on Snack Time

“A friend in need is a friend indeed, but a bowl of ducks is better.”

~ Anonymous on Friends who mooch

A bowl of ducks is exactly what you think it is.

Origins

The first reported bowl of ducks, The Holy Duck Bowl of Antioch, was an early introduction to hatred, impatience, and torture devices of the Spanish Inquisition. It is said that the bowl of ducks could break any man (or woman (or goose)).

In the process, a small paste of ground up insect was smeared over the Spanish Inquisitee, who was hanging upside down. The Holy Duck Bowl was then brought in, and the ducks would have their fill, eating the meal off the torture victims face. Most people could only stand a few seconds of this ticklish, yet excruciating pain.

The Holy Duck Bowl of Antioch inspired fear in even the bravest of men.

After the Spanish Inquisition had ended, all bowls of ducks were banished from the kingdom. They fled in terror as people soon realized how tasty a bowl full of ducks can be when roasted in cream of mushroom. I'm talking TASTY.

Later Life

Bowls of ducks, fleeing the terror of possibly getting eaten, came to America, the land of opportunity and fat people. Finding ponds and insects and migratory patterns to be more than satisfactory, they settled, and soon became the national mascot for the Native Americans.

There, they faded into relative obscurity until 9/11, when they were once again called upon to escort a mighty empire through times of horror and national grief.

The Comprehensive List

1. The proper alms given to lepers, back in Leper Days.
2. The fuel source for Margaret Thatcher's steam-powered vaginal machete-launcher.
3. A hair style combining the bowl-cut with the classic duck-tail. Popular in Detroit.
4. The ultimate tournament in the popular blood-sport of duck-cockfighting, normally held in a dimly lit cellar, near a pond (or, better still, underneath one).
5. A sport, related to candlepin bowling, only with ducks.
6. The focal points at a wet t-shirt contest.
7. I mean... DUCK! A BOWL! Damn, too late.
8. Quite possibly the best damn breakfast you've ever had.
9. Jesus loves the little ducks, all the ducks of the world.